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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Spending 43k savings on a wedding.

364 replies

Cosmos123 · 19/09/2021 06:59

I know a couple who are spending 43k (all savings) on a wedding yet have no where to live.
He is a 1st year nursing student on a bursary she is looking for work as a nursery nurse.
They are currently looking for 1 bed flat with a budget of £500pcm as that is all they can afford on his bursary. For which they have asked myself to be a guarantor.
Yet they are have an expensive wedding in 6 weeks.

I did discuss to them about spending less and perhaps the money as a deposit on a property further down the line. They seem to agree then bang this is what they decided.

OP posts:
dreamygirl25 · 19/09/2021 08:31

I voted yanbu, it's so silly to priorise a wedding over a secure roof over their heads. But it's their money (theirs? Whose bank is it in?) so up to them really.

Naunet · 19/09/2021 08:33

I would never be a guarantor for people this idiotic and vain, not a chance.

GCAcademic · 19/09/2021 08:34

It’s not really “their money” when they are relying on someone else putting their money on the line to secure them housing as a result of this expenditure, is it?

JinglingHellsBells · 19/09/2021 08:34

Who are they in relation to you @Cosmos123

Guarantors are usually close family.

Is this your son?
Daughter?
Sibling?

Just say no.

It's bonkers.

You are saying that between them they can only afford £500 rent. That's less than a lot of single people can afford.

Fedupcyclist · 19/09/2021 08:36

Up to them what they spend their money on but yes they’re stupid and I’d laugh in their face if they asked me to be their guarantor

Unless they live in London / SE they could buy somewhere with the £40k as deposit

JinglingHellsBells · 19/09/2021 08:37

How old are they?

He's a 1st year student and she's an unemployed nursery nurse.

Neither will earn much for a long time (and her earnings will never be great.)

It seems unlikely they will call off a wedding that's costing £43K when it's 6 weeks away!

I guess they are your son or daughter, living at home (with you?) and they suddenly realise they want to move out.

AFuturisticalSound · 19/09/2021 08:37

Is one of them your child?I'd considerl I'd failed miserably as a parent if my child was so financially incompetent and obscenely wasteful with their money

JinglingHellsBells · 19/09/2021 08:38

Unless they live in London / SE they could buy somewhere with the £40k as deposit

They will be able to borrow bugger all for a mortgage. Neither has a job. One is a student.

That's why they are struggling to even get a tenancy and need a guarantor.

AlexaShutUp · 19/09/2021 08:38

Their choice, but they do not seem capable of managing money sensibly so I would not act as a guarantor.

Twolostsoulsswimminginafishbow · 19/09/2021 08:39

Depends how they came about the savings. If they saved it fair enough but otherwise it’s lunacy.
I didn’t spend anywhere near that amount on our wedding (it was over twenty five years ago) and paid for it all ourselves but we were very fortunate that we were given money (we requested no gifts so this came as a surprise) from guests that totalled more than the cost of the wedding.

Thadhiya · 19/09/2021 08:39

Obviously do not be the guarantor.

If they'd rather live in a box under a bridge than a home, and have some silly wedding, then that's on them. How they've saved that much with no common sense I don't know. Drug dealers?

category12 · 19/09/2021 08:40

I presume one of them must be your kid to ask you to be their guarantor.

So that's a sticky situation.

JinglingHellsBells · 19/09/2021 08:41

I think the OP is not going to add much to this, as IMO it's one of her children.

Whammyyammy · 19/09/2021 08:41

Its their money to do as they please. However, in my opinion its a very poor financial decision and I would not be a guarantor for people that make those decisions

LawnFever · 19/09/2021 08:48

@JinglingHellsBells

I think the OP is not going to add much to this, as IMO it's one of her children.
Which is a shame because I’m dying to know how they’ve even got so much in savings in this situation!
AgentJohnson · 19/09/2021 08:51

It’s their money but don’t be their guarantor. I don’t believe that they’re spending 43k on their wedding.

JinglingHellsBells · 19/09/2021 08:52

It's quite strange that a couple would go to the effort of planning such a lavish wedding (which must have been in the planning for a long time) yet have nowhere to live (other than with their parents, one assumes).

They sound incredibly immature.

Why the rush to marry so lavishly yet not put a roof over their heads?

the80sweregreat · 19/09/2021 08:53

It's money that could be put elsewhere and to much better use than a wedding for one day.
I would not be a guarantor for them , not at all.

Dguu6u · 19/09/2021 08:53

@annie335

Totally bonkers to spend that amount on a wedding but then again I'm a bit tight - mine was only 4K 😁

I agree with others - definitely don't be a guarantor.

‘Only’ 4K? Shows how brainwashed people are by the wedding industry!
HarrisMcCoo · 19/09/2021 08:57

A home is an investment. The money would be better spent on a property. I just don't understand the mentality of some folk these days.

careerchangeperhaps · 19/09/2021 09:01

It's entirely up to them how they spend their money. However, they seem not to be hugely sensible when it comes to financial decisions so there is no way I'd be wanting to act as a guarantor for them.

Granllanog · 19/09/2021 09:01

No way would I agree to be a guarantor for someone so financially inept!!!!
Of course they can spend their own money on any way they want but actions have consequences............. a roof over your head should always be your first priority!

Gorl · 19/09/2021 09:03

I wouldn’t be their guarantor. They don’t sound very fiscally responsible.

category12 · 19/09/2021 09:04

Everyone who is saying "don't be their guarantor" - are you assuming it's a distant relative or friend or something?

Because I would think this is OP's adult child, and are you really saying you would refuse to be guarantor? You might be really pissed off at their choices, but presumably the money is already spent - so you'd leave them unable to rent somewhere?

C8H10N4O2 · 19/09/2021 09:05

I'm also assuming one is the OP's DC - it would be unusual for students to ask anyone else to act as rent guarantor.

Otherwise not enough info.

Was it an inheritance intended to fund a wedding?
Do they believe they will never get a mortgage so no point in saving it for that?

Do they live in a country where long term rental is usually the more sensible option than buying when still young?

I'm generally of the view that inflated frou frou weddings are a bad thing, not just because of the £££ involved but because it seems to make people lose sight of the purpose of the wedding. However if its their money its their choice, just as being guarantor or not is the OP's.

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