Arachnophobics - I want to understand. DSis is leaving holiday.

[Dollywilde]

Ok first off I hate spiders. I really do. Once got a randomer off my local FB to remove one.

But we are on holiday. First family holiday since baby was born. My sister has left after one night because she can’t cope with the spiders.

I paid for and organised it. They’re not huge (nothing bigger than a 5p piece). She’s severely arachnaphobic, I get that. But I’m cross, we have activities planned and she wanted to come and I can’t believe she’s letting this ruin the holiday.

It’s her thing, she’s going, I get it doesn’t affect me aside from the fact we all wanted a lovely holiday together. And I know it’s a real phobia.

Basically, can people shake some sense into me to stop me being cross? I don’t want to be cross with her. But walking out half way through a holiday I paid for is making me sad. We were having such a lovely time and this has basically made the entire break a waste of time and ££££.

I would be pissed off too tbh.

I hate spiders. To the point I have panic attacks if a big one is near me. But to ruin a holiday because of them isn’t on at all.

Has she at least apologised or offered to pay for her wasted half??

It's a phobia, rational thinking goes out of the window.

Why did you pay for your sister and is she in a position to reimburse you?
I have severe arachnophobia and I would likely do as your sister has done.
However, YANBU to feel as you do, as her absence will alter the dynamic of the holiday.

If they were everywhere then I'd leave too. I wouldn't be able to relax or even sleep if the place was crawling with them.

How many are there? Where are you? I’d probably leave too if there were lots.

Unless you are going to drip feed that you are in fact camping, staying in a field infested by spiders as opposed to a hotel, then I would say that your sister is being unreasonable.

YANBU to be cross, but phobias are irrational and the behaviour when triggered can be too.

Canter Parcs, we’re not camping or anything. DSis other half hoovered the lodge from top to bottom this morning bless him.

I earn more than her, I can afford to ‘lose’ the money. I just really bloody hate that she can’t stay in the room with a few money spiders. She’s always had the phobia, I get it. It’s just that this is the first time that it’s had such a huge negative impact on a family thing.

@bloodywhitecat

It's a phobia, rational thinking goes out of the window.

It is. I'm severely arachnophobic. Panic attacks after I've seen a big one -- have been known to move out of rooms etc. You know its incredibly irrational but that doesn't stop the reaction you have.

But even I would draw the line at actually leaving a holiday because of this? Surely there must have been ways to mitigate it. Where are you?

Oh no OP that’s a real shame, of course you’re going to upset but it is a phobia and she’s not in control of it. That said, the accommodation is crawling with spiders then I’d be thinking it’s probably not been cleaned properly. I actually quite like spiders but lots of them in my room would send me running away too. Don’t know what type of place you’re staying in but would there not be any chance of swapping to another room or lodge or somewhere else?

If it helps you understand, my mother once came home with the children having not been able to proceed to swimming lessons, In fact been barely ableTo drive home, because of a Halloween display of spiders made
From painted paper plates with crepe paper legs in the foyer of the leisure centre. My kids still talk of the incident in grave tones!

Sorry - I’ve probably underestimated it based on the above. I’d say there’s been maybe 3 5p sized spiders, 2/3 daddy long legs types and then 8-10 little ones since we arrived yesterday. Trying to be objective! We are in a lodge.

Yeah with that many, I’d be gone too. Size is irrelevant.

FWIW I really appreciate the head wobble rational stuff. I don’t want to be annoyed.

Where is she going to go to that wont have any spiders when september is spider season?

And I love her, of course!!

How many spiders are there? What's the accommodation like? I stayed in a room (in another country) once which had an actual nest of cockroaches in a massive hole in the wall half hidden by a wardrobe and they were everywhere - severe infestation, ran over me in bed, were all over the curtains when I went to pull them open or closed, woke up in the middle of the night, turned the light on and decided I had to sleep in my hiking boots as the floor was crawling with them to the extent I could not put my feet down. I had nightmares for years afterwards, and for a period every time I closed my eyes I saw cockroaches crawling across my vision. The fear genuinely affected me for a long time after, and I would be the exact same way staying anywhere with spiders, so if there are lots of them...I'm with your sister. Phobias are real!

@Branleuse

Where is she going to go to that wont have any spiders when september is spider season?

Well this. I do wonder what she’s doing to do when she gets home at 11 if there’s a spider in her house…

It's a bit extreme but I get the fear, it is uncontrollable. I'd say let her sleep next to the hoover so she can zap them if needs be.

@Dollywilde

Sorry - I’ve probably underestimated it based on the above. I’d say there’s been maybe 3 5p sized spiders, 2/3 daddy long legs types and then 8-10 little ones since we arrived yesterday. Trying to be objective! We are in a lodge.

That is very severe.

I can't stand big house spiders (bigger than a 10p piece) - they scare me to death. I will scream, feel sick etc. My heart rate remains elevated for hours after I've seen one. But it's pretty rare for people to be that scared of small ones.

That puts a slightly different complexion on it. She must have been in a proper state.

That's a lot of spiders. I'd really struggle with that.

@RincewindsHat

How many spiders are there? What's the accommodation like? I stayed in a room (in another country) once which had an actual nest of cockroaches in a massive hole in the wall half hidden by a wardrobe and they were everywhere - severe infestation, ran over me in bed, were all over the curtains when I went to pull them open or closed, woke up in the middle of the night, turned the light on and decided I had to sleep in my hiking boots as the floor was crawling with them to the extent I could not put my feet down. I had nightmares for years afterwards, and for a period every time I closed my eyes I saw cockroaches crawling across my vision. The fear genuinely affected me for a long time after, and I would be the exact same way staying anywhere with spiders, so if there are lots of them...I'm with your sister. Phobias are real!

Ok that made me itchy, you poor thing! Nothing that bad but yes, I get it’s all relative with this stuff.

I would be gone too, and I'm not that scared of them. That is quite a lot of them and gives me the shudders just you mentioning it.

its not something she can help...if she is anything like me (my phobia is not spiders) she would LOVE to be able to stay. It is a very spidery year this year.

In her vague defence that’s a lot of spiders for one lodge… I’m at Center Parcs right now and have one only seen one in our lodge so far, by your count you’ve already seen 16? Her leaving is a real shame and on the face of it ridiculous since British spiders are harmless, but if she has a real phobia and your lodge has a lot of them then she must have struggled.