Arachnophobics - I want to understand. DSis is leaving holiday.

[Dollywilde]

Ok first off I hate spiders. I really do. Once got a randomer off my local FB to remove one.

But we are on holiday. First family holiday since baby was born. My sister has left after one night because she can’t cope with the spiders.

I paid for and organised it. They’re not huge (nothing bigger than a 5p piece). She’s severely arachnaphobic, I get that. But I’m cross, we have activities planned and she wanted to come and I can’t believe she’s letting this ruin the holiday.

It’s her thing, she’s going, I get it doesn’t affect me aside from the fact we all wanted a lovely holiday together. And I know it’s a real phobia.

Basically, can people shake some sense into me to stop me being cross? I don’t want to be cross with her. But walking out half way through a holiday I paid for is making me sad. We were having such a lovely time and this has basically made the entire break a waste of time and ££££.

@godmum56

I know someone who does blood draws. She says its amazing how many people pass out. She asks if they have a problem and if they say yes or she thinks they might, she puts them on a bed rather than in a chair and gets permission to carry on with the draw if they pass out (these are needed for health care, the person is aware that they MUST get it done as part of managing their illness) She says the worst ones are the ones who lose control and fight. She says if the thinks there is a risk of this then she tries to trigger it before the needle goes in rather than have to deal with someone with a needle hanging out of them or a contaminated needle flying around!

I have needle phobia, and I wish I did pass out! I am a fighter and huge risk to anyone coming at me with a needle :(

Let it go OP, don’t let it ruin your holiday 😁

Just don’t pay for her or take her with you anymore 😁 I’d be mad about wasted money too no matter how irrational

She knows it's irrational and will feel awful but her anxiety will just not allow her to remain.
Severe phobias can be quite debilitating and embarrassing. I can feel for both of you in this situation.

I'm not at all scared of spiders and would just put them outside, but that many in a day is an infestation surely? I'd want guest services to check for a nest.

If she is very phobic then a spider to her is like a man holding a gun to your head.

Are they in the lodge as the spiders in the bushes are fairly standard everywhere this time of year so how does she cope at home

I'd expect her to offer to pay back her cost. Did her other half leave to? Did you pay for them?

Your sister should never have agreed to the holiday, knowing you'd be staying in the middle of a forest and that she has phobias of spiders.

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour. Ask her for the money back.

Does she not have spiders in her house? They're everywhere at the moment.

We live rurally and I walk though a cobweb every day that I didn't even see. There is a 'couple' on our stairs making baby spiders. DW isn't keen at all but not phobic as such, puts on a very brave face to help convince DD they are our friends. DD will blow/tickle/hold them.

Please tell your sister about Indoorex anti flea spray. I have major arachnaphobia and this changed my life. I use it about three times a year at home. Spiders, if they bother to come in, usually did before I see them alive.
When we stay in hotel or holiday accommodation my husband goes in and sprays it around and we leave for an hour then I can relax. I really think this would help your sister in the future.
The perception of the size of the spider is completely different if you have a phobia. I really wanted my life to be over when my phobia was at its worst in my teens.

I’m not that bothered by spiders but that many is extreme. Has the place not been cleaned?

I hate spiders and can barely read this thread. I would have contacted guest services as that is a lot of spiders for one day. I've been to Centre Parcs so I appreciate the surroundings, but that sounds like a huge number of spiders in one lodge.

I'm severely arachnophobic and while I can appreciate that you are feeling let down and frustrated, I must admit that I would have done pretty much the same - move out of that accommodation, find new one close by if can afford/possible or go home.

I once couldn't sleep in my own bedroom for a month after seeing a massive spider there. Ever though DH annihilated it Nothing to do with rational thoughts - it all pure fear and it is stronger than anything else. I think that the only exception to my phobia may be my DD. If her life somehow depended on it - I would have considered staying. Anything less than that - no.

You wouldn't blame acrophobics for refusing to go up the Eiffel Tower, would you - its pretty much the same.

@Dollywilde is there anything you don't like? Heights, enclosed spaces? I have been highly arachnophobic to the extent I've fainted and peed myself its horrible and embarrassing and I would leave somewhere to avoid this happening again. I had emdr which has helped.

I expect your sister feels bad too but she can't help it.

You can buy spider repellant sprays. I use them, spray them around wherever I am. I'm not as bad about spiders as I used to be but I would prefer it if they were not around - though they don't really bother me outdoors.

I'm so sorry your holiday has been spoiled, that's a real pain.

@Tlollj

Absolutely ridiculous behaviour. Ask her for the money back.

and we have another judgey one.....

Is she having a rough time in general at the moment? I'm phobic of snakes which doesn't normally affect my life very much at all (live in the UK). But I do notice that if I'm stressed/anxious/depressed, my ability to cope with snake pictures, films etc absolutely goes out the window. Sometimes when things are OK I can look at a photo of a snake without any trouble, but if my mental health is bad the same photo will make me panic. I wonder if she's struggling in a totally unrelated area of life and reacting more strongly than she might otherwise. Either way YANBU to be feeling irritated with her for leaving but she's probably even more annoyed with herself.

I'm a severe arachnophobe and I wouldn't leave CP in those circumstances

I am arachnophobic. I try to be sensible about it. I would have left. With that many spiders I would have felt completely attacked, unable to relax or sleep, on high alert and every little tickle would make me leap out of my skin. No thanks!

@Wafflepup

Your poor sister. Imagine how utterly mortified and upset she must be knowing that something so silly to most people has had her miss out on a family holiday.

Also totally crap for you.

I've been that person who has left places because of one spider. Had terrible meals out because I could see a spider in the corner of the restaurant. Admittedly I wouldn't leave a full holiday but then I would probably not choose to holiday in a log cabin type place in woods like center parks.

I can't explain the shame and embarrassment but also the heart stopping fear.

I paid a fortune to travel to London zoo for their spider fear course. Total waste of time for me. Maybe for a small fear that would help but not my kind.

I eventually had 6 sessions of cbt. It has not cured me but I can cope much better than previously.

Anyway this is a massive post and it won't help your ruined holiday.. but I feel for your sister.

I really appreciate this - thank you. It’s helping me get it, even if I don’t get it. I don’t want her to feel ashamed or anything. I just love her and wish she could have the good time I know she wants to

But confused about MN. There was a thread on here this morning about a man who had peed at the end of the bed because he was drunk and was sleepwalking and people were defending him saying it is unreasonable to be angry with someone about things they cannot control.

Yet this women is apparently unreasonable even though she can’t control her phobia.

I am an arachnophobe and although I’ve been better recently I would not be able to sleep for a second with that many spiders in a room. If she is anything like me if she had stayed you’d be more annoyed because she would be exhausted from not sleeping, grouchy and anxious. It’s honestly better she left and I do not blame her.

@XenoBitch

"I have needle phobia, and I wish I did pass out! I am a fighter and huge risk to anyone coming at me with a needle "

I think you have to have phobia (not fear or dislike of something) to understand it....or at least get that its not "ridiculous"

@Dollywilde

bless you for being a lovely sister

I think if I had a phobia that affected my life so badly I'd be seeking hypnotherapy treatment or something! My dm and dsis both hate spiders so when my dad went to work away I became chief spider catcher, as a teen. There are tons at this time of year, I'm removing them daily from the house and I don't live in a cabin in the woods!

Would you dsis seek therapy? Seems such a shame to have her life ruled by a phobia

And OP I don’t blame you. I can understand your annoyance but at the end of the day it’s a competent uncontrollable fear. It’s irrational.

This is a much milder example but I always am confused when my friends refuse to go on rollercoasters when we go to theme parks. I have absolutely no fear of heights or rollercoasters but due to my own phobia I can put myself in their shoes and realise they would love to be included if they could but they simply cannot get over that fear.