Arachnophobics - I want to understand. DSis is leaving holiday.

[Dollywilde]

Ok first off I hate spiders. I really do. Once got a randomer off my local FB to remove one.

But we are on holiday. First family holiday since baby was born. My sister has left after one night because she can’t cope with the spiders.

I paid for and organised it. They’re not huge (nothing bigger than a 5p piece). She’s severely arachnaphobic, I get that. But I’m cross, we have activities planned and she wanted to come and I can’t believe she’s letting this ruin the holiday.

It’s her thing, she’s going, I get it doesn’t affect me aside from the fact we all wanted a lovely holiday together. And I know it’s a real phobia.

Basically, can people shake some sense into me to stop me being cross? I don’t want to be cross with her. But walking out half way through a holiday I paid for is making me sad. We were having such a lovely time and this has basically made the entire break a waste of time and ££££.

@RampantIvy DH is just on his regular September evening mission - checking our bedroom and bathroom for spiders before I go up. I am grateful more than words can describe that he takes it seriously and is willing to do that every single night during spider season. If it was up to me, I'd literally spend every September out of UK.

In fairness to her, it does sound like quite a lot of spiders to jump out at her in such a short space of time.

I'm not really bothered by the small ones at all, but a 5p sized one might be a bit scary, depending on it's... Proportions...

My phobia is something that you find walking down the street all day every day, I don't have the luxury of going 5 minutes without coming close to the thing I'm severely reflexively phobic of and that includes holiday activities. People say phobias are entirely irrational but it's just not true, the fear is irrational but your response to it CAN be controlled. I would never dream of ruining someone's holiday because of my fear. She needs to get exposure therapy.

I get where she's coming from: I'm arachnophobic (I'd freeze, get sweaty/shaky, retch or leg it) although this has calmed down in the past few years, since I had some NLP for it....and I'm terrified of mice/things that look like mice (I just run!). Growing up abroad, we had to check around toilets and in shoes etc for spiders/scorpions/camel spiders. I know the spiders in the UK aren't an issue but I'm still scared of the large house spiders (small ones don't bother me, neither do crane flies). Weirdly, I don't have a problem with scorpions and I love snakes! I've always tried not to show my fear of spiders to my kids. My eldest is able to catch/pick them up and chuck them outside. My youngest is scared of them.

I remember once, it took me four hours to pluck up the courage to use my cordless dyson to get close enough to a massive spider (my kids were asleep and I didn't want to disturb my eldest). I even messaged my ex in a right state begging him to come over and get the spider out (I try to avoid killing them as I hate the idea of hurting them - not their fault that I'm bloody scared of them!). Crazy phobia!!! My cat likes to hunt them now.

I think I'll have a look at doing some hypnotherapy. Anything is worth a shot!

Just as well you’re not staying at mine, just dealt with the two biggest fucking spiders I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m totally not bothered about them normally but even I got the creeps a bit! Would have been over palm size flattened I reckon 🥴

@Pedalpushers

My phobia is something that you find walking down the street all day every day, I don't have the luxury of going 5 minutes without coming close to the thing I'm severely reflexively phobic of and that includes holiday activities. People say phobias are entirely irrational but it's just not true, the fear is irrational but your response to it CAN be controlled. I would never dream of ruining someone's holiday because of my fear. She needs to get exposure therapy.

That is not true. Some people faint when they see their phobia trigger. That is pretty hard to control.

Then those people need to get therapy, because going around fainting is not sustainable.

@GuckGuckDoose

Just as well you’re not staying at mine, just dealt with the two biggest fucking spiders I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m totally not bothered about them normally but even I got the creeps a bit! Would have been over palm size flattened I reckon 🥴

There is one on the wall in my hall, I first saw it last night and it hasn't moved. I think it is dead because when I open the door, a bit of air comes and that usually makes spiders wiggle a bit; this one didn't move a....muscle? Do they have muscles? Anyway I'm not going to disturb it.

I used to be scared of dead spiders so obviously I have improved.

@Pedalpushers

Then those people need to get therapy, because going around fainting is not sustainable.

Where is this therapy you speak of? You think you can just rock up to your GP (If they will see you) and be doing therapy the next week? That is not how it is going in the real world right now.

Phobias aren't exactly known for being rational...

You're trying to apply rational thought process to a phobia reaction and wondering why it doesn't make sense. It's a phobia.

I get that it's very annoying and you've spent money, but would you rather she sit there getting no sleep or panicking for the sake of keeping up appearances?

My daughter has this phobia and I really really cannot understand it! In my culture, a spider in a home means good luck and killing spiders brings bad luck! Never understood why people are so scared of them. The ones in the house are completely harmless

@Pedalpushers Just curious if it's dogs?

I am an arachnophobe. I can’t begin to tell you the depth of the fear. I looked into getting some kind of therapy, but apparently it is different from other phobias, and does not lend itself to improving. I have had dreams with spiders, and have been out of the bed and to the door of the bedroom in one leap, before even being awake. I have jumped out of cars that were still in motion. DH removes them if they get in the house, unless the cats find one first! Three cats, they are all indoor only, but have kept their hunting instinct! Because I live in Florida, we have geckos and lizards that eat spiders, but only outside. Unfortunately, if a gecko gets inside, we grab nets to try to save them from the cats. Not so much into saving spiders.

Spraying your entire house with indorex flea spray at the end of august will keep you spider free for the whole spider season, you’ll find them but they’ll be dead.

My husband is (was?*) so scared of spiders he's gone to stay in the only hotel nearby he could book at 10pm before now because there was a big spider in the house and he really needed to be able to sleep before a big day at work the next day. If he'd stayed at home he'd have had a panic attack, starts shaking, can't sit down on any surfaces or remove his shoes, just paces around freaking out and wouldn't sleep at all until we'd sprayed the whole house, hoovered everywhere, etc.

A proper, all-consuming phobia - and I totally get the frustration and "....REALLY? Really?" feeling. It's so weird to watch someone absolutely lose their shit at something that doesn't feel particularly scary. But whether or not the 'danger' is real, their bodies (and brains) respond as though they are. You just have to kind of accept that they're acting out of a completely real terror to them, and that that must be exhausting for them, especially when it affects their lives like this.

(*he did a spider phobia course at Bristol Zoo a few years ago that was INCREDIBLY impressive. Half a day and he could remove a spider from a room with a cup and a piece of card by the end of it, despite throwing up in the carpark before he went in. It was amazing - they do it in London and Edinburgh too I think. He's still VERY scared of them, but he doesn't have to leave the house for a Travelodge in the middle of the night any more...!)

Extreme arachnophobe here (and fainter). It's truly debilitating.

I've never been to CP, would you have been able to ask to change cabin if another was available?

If it had been me in that situation, I would have been completely overwhelmed and unfortunately would have had to leave too!

There is no way I could relax with that many spiders about in an unfamiliar place. I would feel especially awful for leaving the holiday because of an irrational fear, I'd be embarrassed and also sad if I had upset anyone else in the process.

@Lachimolala Thank you! I never would have thought of that. My usual go to is a can of Raid, but I can't use that anywhere my cats go and have to resort to the hoover. I may be a bit late this year, but having had to deal with two palm sized beasts already, I'm willing to try.

As for the OP. It wouldn't have mattered to me who was paying for the holiday, there's no way I would have been able to stay knowing there had been that many found already.

It's stupid and embarrassing, I know that, but it doesn't make me any less terrified. Exposure therapy is just about the worst thing I can think of. I'm having palpitations just imagining it.

I'm a lot better than I used to be and can now deal with them in the house so long as I know they're dead after. After years, I've finally made peace with the daddy long leags after reading somewhere that they eat the big spiders if anyone knows this not to be true, please don't say anything we've reached an agreement, they don't leap out and scare the shit out of me and I allow them to stay in my house.

Totally outing if anyone knows me, but I had one at work by the name of Vladimir. He was enormous and sporned a lot of teeny tiny baby daddy long legs. All my pet daddies have names it's part of the acceptance process

@BuckarooWithBruceGrobelaar fucking hell, you're brave with an army of daddy long legs! I'd have handed my notice in

I've convinced myself that a daddy long legs is in fact a spider with wings and I'm equally as terrified of them as I am of spiders

@torthecatlady Trust me, it took me a really long time to get to that stage. Surpisingly, I actually now find them really cute when they're only about a centimetre big and just finding their way in the world. More amazingly still, I was actually quite sad when Vladimir disappeared

How does she deal with them at home? The bastards are big this year and every where !

Spiders are c*nts. They don’t deserve the constant attempts to rehabilitate their image. I was bitten by a red back in Australia 20 years ago, causing severe short-term illness and long term neurological problems. I recently stayed at a NT cottage that was absolutely loaded with spiders. I tried not to worry. I woke up one morning to discover a bite on my neck and a massive squished spider directly under my pillow. I’m with your sister. 😂

@BuckarooWithBruceGrobelaar I am an extreme arachnophobe like PP I faint, vomit, cry and have pretty severe panic attacks at the sight of any spider. If there’s one in the house that’s it I’m a mess until it’s gone. I’ve been known to leave the house in the middle of the night and sleep in the car, I’ve called people out of bed at 4am and all sorts. I really hate this time of year because I spend it all jumpy and anxious, the indorex is the only thing that helps. It has a cult following online for being an almost instant spider killer!

I buy two cans, one to spray the whole house and a spare for targeted attacks/peace of mind. I do still find this month hard but so far the only ones I’ve found are dead and I sprayed the house on the 1st sept this year.

I put up a thread about these eight-legged bastards a little while ago - hence my username.

I have an excellent intuitive reaction to seeing a spider run across the floor - I panic strip. The rationale is that it might have run up my leg or across my shirt without me seeing so the only OBVIOUS solution is to rip my clothes off and hurl them across the room.

I also use my almost-patented Spider Alert System**. It provides a warning so the spider can’t suddenly appear on the sofa next to me.

**Technically this is just a huge white sheet spread over my sofa so the little fucker can’t merge into the dark background.

Phobias are not logical and I am sure that she is mortified and deeply embarrassed by this episode. She needs therapy. If you have cash to spare could you get her a course if EMDR or hypnotherapy?

@IndigoC

Spiders are c*nts. They don’t deserve the constant attempts to rehabilitate their image. I was bitten by a red back in Australia 20 years ago, causing severe short-term illness and long term neurological problems. I recently stayed at a NT cottage that was absolutely loaded with spiders. I tried not to worry. I woke up one morning to discover a bite on my neck and a massive squished spider directly under my pillow. I’m with your sister. 😂

That's awful, Indigo.

We don't have spiders that bite in this country or at least not ones that bite like the one you describe. I've seen plenty of big ones but never been bitten or known anyone who has. You do occasionally hear about one coming in on imported fruit that might be dangerous.

I never understand why anyone would have a tarantula as a pet.

Remind me not to go to Australia.