Arachnophobics - I want to understand. DSis is leaving holiday.

[Dollywilde]

Ok first off I hate spiders. I really do. Once got a randomer off my local FB to remove one.

But we are on holiday. First family holiday since baby was born. My sister has left after one night because she can’t cope with the spiders.

I paid for and organised it. They’re not huge (nothing bigger than a 5p piece). She’s severely arachnaphobic, I get that. But I’m cross, we have activities planned and she wanted to come and I can’t believe she’s letting this ruin the holiday.

It’s her thing, she’s going, I get it doesn’t affect me aside from the fact we all wanted a lovely holiday together. And I know it’s a real phobia.

Basically, can people shake some sense into me to stop me being cross? I don’t want to be cross with her. But walking out half way through a holiday I paid for is making me sad. We were having such a lovely time and this has basically made the entire break a waste of time and ££££.

@thepeopleversuswork she was in a proper state, and I adore her… I just wish I could understand.

YABU, but I understand. It must be frustrating.

During pregnancy with DS, I had terrible vivid nightmares of spiders of all sizes crawling all over me and DS. They were absolutely dreadful. I was never bothered by spiders before. And while I'm not frightened of spiders, they make me feel sick to my stomach. I now religiously spray our bedrooms down with peppermint every morning and evening. If I see even a tiny sider I cannot breathe because I feel so sick of the thought of it touching me. If I was on holiday where there were more spiders than I was used to, I would have to leave. It is completely irrational and annoying and kind of humiliating.

I could understand if you were on holidays somewhere like Asia or Australia where they're bloody massive, but I think that's a bit on the dramatic side to move from a holiday in the Uk ..... (and this is from someone who bloody hates spiders and had a total and utter meltdown in Thailand where my husband had to beat a huntsman sized spider to death with a flip flop and then had to sleep in a straw hut under a mozzie net that had holes)

@CoffeeWithMyOxygen

In her vague defence that’s a lot of spiders for one lodge… I’m at Center Parcs right now and have one only seen one in our lodge so far, by your count you’ve already seen 16? Her leaving is a real shame and on the face of it ridiculous since British spiders are harmless, but if she has a real phobia and your lodge has a lot of them then she must have struggled.

Ooh where are you @CoffeeWithMyOxygen? We’re Elvedon. I know spider season is bad this year but I thought that impacted size not frequency

Phobias are real but I wonder how many times she's left a holiday that she's paid for.

@pregnantncnc

YABU, but I understand. It must be frustrating.

During pregnancy with DS, I had terrible vivid nightmares of spiders of all sizes crawling all over me and DS. They were absolutely dreadful. I was never bothered by spiders before. And while I'm not frightened of spiders, they make me feel sick to my stomach. I now religiously spray our bedrooms down with peppermint every morning and evening. If I see even a tiny sider I cannot breathe because I feel so sick of the thought of it touching me. If I was on holiday where there were more spiders than I was used to, I would have to leave. It is completely irrational and annoying and kind of humiliating.

@pregnantncnc sorry, that must have been horrid to type but thank you… it’s made me imagine how hard it must be for DSis. When I think back to my worst nightmares being confronted with them would have been horrific.

@Porcupineintherough

Phobias are real but I wonder how many times she's left a holiday that she's paid for.

This did occur to me but I was worried I was being uncharitable, she really did seem upset before she left.

Reminds me when I stayed in a lodge and was in bed one night... fired up my tablet for some guilty Candy Crush playing, and about 20 different varieties of moth landed on my screen. I am fine with moths, but that was a bit much. I imagine with spiders, if you are phobic, would have you running for the hills. My dad was very spider phobic.. would sleep in the garden in the rain to get away from one indoors.

I would have left too. I'm petrified of spiders.

I knew this would be centre parcs. I nearly left our holiday there a couple of years ago because there was the biggest one I had ever seen hanging on the curtain in the night, and this was after a stream of smaller ones appearing over the previous couple of days. Irrational isn't really a fair word to use. The fear of having it crawl over you in the night is very real, and I barely slept the rest of the holiday, because I knew there were more and this little lodge was not a happy place for me to be.

Sorry to hear about this. Can I suggest hypnosis? I had a very short session - about ten mins. She got me to "make fun of my fears" and showed me a cartoon of a spider dancing about, wearing little boots and a hat. Afterwards I didn't have any faith in this, but - the next time I saw a spider I felt nothing. No fear, no emotion. It's just the same as if I see a fly. Just as well, as there are loads of spiders in my house. Can't say I like the big ones, but they don't terrify me any more.

When I read your post for some reason I felt sure you’d say Center Parcs… There were quite a few insects in our lodge when we went in June, but more sort of mini daddy longlegs things.

I feel for her being so phobic but also for you as you spent money on this holiday and were doubtless looking forward to it!

It really is irrational OP. Speaking as someone who has had therapy over this which hasn’t worked it’s something that has embarrassed me my whole life. I wish I wasn’t that scared to leave a holiday but I also wouldn’t stay. I’m sure she feels awful as it is.

It is a mental issue, which when people say they should just get over it makes me angry. Rightly so it’s no acceptable to say that to people regarding depression so it also shouldn’t be acceptable about phobias

Ah, we’re at Sherwood so different forests to be fair! I’ve never really noticed spiders here.

[quote Dollywilde]@thepeopleversuswork she was in a proper state, and I adore her… I just wish I could understand.[/quote]
You don't have to understand....you have to accept and not make a big thing of it.

@Porcupineintherough

Phobias are real but I wonder how many times she's left a holiday that she's paid for.

wow judgey much?

@JaggyJumper

It really is irrational OP. Speaking as someone who has had therapy over this which hasn’t worked it’s something that has embarrassed me my whole life. I wish I wasn’t that scared to leave a holiday but I also wouldn’t stay. I’m sure she feels awful as it is.

It is a mental issue, which when people say they should just get over it makes me angry. Rightly so it’s no acceptable to say that to people regarding depression so it also shouldn’t be acceptable about phobias

Am glad to see someone say this. I have a few phobias... one of which is needle and I get told time and time again to "get a grip" and get xyz jab. Another is buttons, and so many people think it hilarious to shove them in my face or throw them at me.

None of you would have enjoyed the rest of the time if she was I that bad a state. Perhaps she thought by leaving, the rest of you could relax and enjoy it.

I have a similar phobia of creatures with far fewer legs. It’s not even the seeing them that is terrifying, but the threat, the anticipation of seeing one. If I’m somewhere that they might be, I am high alert and incredibly close to panic all the time.

@JaggyJumper

It really is irrational OP. Speaking as someone who has had therapy over this which hasn’t worked it’s something that has embarrassed me my whole life. I wish I wasn’t that scared to leave a holiday but I also wouldn’t stay. I’m sure she feels awful as it is.

It is a mental issue, which when people say they should just get over it makes me angry. Rightly so it’s no acceptable to say that to people regarding depression so it also shouldn’t be acceptable about phobias

Thank you! I do wonder if hypnosis or therapy would work but it’s not at all my business (like how my MH isn’t hers)

I just wish she could be happy. I’ve defs calmed down now and I didn’t let her see my upset at all, like I say I love her (she’s my best mate, honestly). I just can’t understand it. But as everyone says it’s not something you can understand.

Gosh aren’t relationships and people tricky.

That is a lot of spiders in one lodge though tbf.
I wouldn't cope with that many at home, never mind away when I don't know the place.

@pregnantncnc

YABU, but I understand. It must be frustrating.

During pregnancy with DS, I had terrible vivid nightmares of spiders of all sizes crawling all over me and DS. They were absolutely dreadful. I was never bothered by spiders before. And while I'm not frightened of spiders, they make me feel sick to my stomach. I now religiously spray our bedrooms down with peppermint every morning and evening. If I see even a tiny sider I cannot breathe because I feel so sick of the thought of it touching me. If I was on holiday where there were more spiders than I was used to, I would have to leave. It is completely irrational and annoying and kind of humiliating.

Peppermint oil/spray can be toxic for dogs and cats, so be cautious spraying if you have pets.

I know someone who does blood draws. She says its amazing how many people pass out. She asks if they have a problem and if they say yes or she thinks they might, she puts them on a bed rather than in a chair and gets permission to carry on with the draw if they pass out (these are needed for health care, the person is aware that they MUST get it done as part of managing their illness) She says the worst ones are the ones who lose control and fight. She says if the thinks there is a risk of this then she tries to trigger it before the needle goes in rather than have to deal with someone with a needle hanging out of them or a contaminated needle flying around!

That's a lot of spiders in a short period of time! I bet all the hoovering disturbed them. Centre Parks probably wasn't the best choice.

Your poor sister. Imagine how utterly mortified and upset she must be knowing that something so silly to most people has had her miss out on a family holiday.

Also totally crap for you.

I've been that person who has left places because of one spider. Had terrible meals out because I could see a spider in the corner of the restaurant. Admittedly I wouldn't leave a full holiday but then I would probably not choose to holiday in a log cabin type place in woods like center parks.

I can't explain the shame and embarrassment but also the heart stopping fear.

I paid a fortune to travel to London zoo for their spider fear course. Total waste of time for me. Maybe for a small fear that would help but not my kind.

I eventually had 6 sessions of cbt. It has not cured me but I can cope much better than previously.

Anyway this is a massive post and it won't help your ruined holiday.. but I feel for your sister.

Sorry, my paragraphs all disappeared!