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Original poster

Boyfriend foul language to dc

297 replies

Whatname2021 · 03/08/2021 12:08

hi
Will keep brief. I am so mad and upset, feel like ending contact but would like your thoughts.

Boyfriend of 18months, recently introduced to do 7 and 5. Home after day out, kids had been little difficult in previous few days. Something happened that frightened dc as he wasn't expecting it, the act itself was not bad, just happened to frighten dc. Dc started to cry and came to me upset. Could see Boyfriend mouth Something in anger, but I didn't hear. My other dc then immediately said, Boyfriend called dc a whingey . I was absolutely floored, dc that it was about didn't hear what was said but looked at me with a Terrible upset face and asked what did Boyfriend call me? I was so angry and upset but didn't want to cause upset in front of dc.

Werr staying at Boyfriend house that evening, there was obvious tension but he didn't say anything or apologise. When kids in bed i brought it up and expressed my feelings, he said he was so sorry and it just came out, he is finding it challenging at times.

I cannot shake what feels like an attack on my dc and my instinct is to protect them. I feel like ending relationship.

What would be your thoughts? This is a one off but I have sensed difficulty/ strain for a while

OP posts:
Taliskerskye · 03/08/2021 12:09

I would have walked out that afternoon.

mbosnz · 03/08/2021 12:11

How do you know it's a one off? Are you going to make sure it's a one off, by making sure he doesn't get the opportunity to verbally abuse or otherwise, your children again? Personally, I'd have packed up my kids and gone that night, but I understand that it might have knocked you for six!

MorrisZapp · 03/08/2021 12:11

I can't believe you have to ask this.

Was your own childhood abusive?

CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/08/2021 12:11

Then end it. He obviously isn't ready to manage himself responsibly around kids.

Your feelings are valid. You can act on them if you choose to.

He can think what he likes about it. You can ignore him!

Unanananana · 03/08/2021 12:11

Why are you even asking? You don't stick around. He called your small child a vile name and is already finding them challenging. Is that what you think they deserve to be subject to??

Dump the boyfriend and protect your children from it. Its not hard!

Stichintime · 03/08/2021 12:13

I wouldn't tolerate this, even from the child's father. Your children come first

BumBurnerBum · 03/08/2021 12:14

Ugh that's awful. He has shown that he will always view your children as an inconvenience and a burden. He has upset your child. You need to show your children that you put them first and get rid of this person from all your lives.

Original poster
Whatname2021 · 03/08/2021 12:15

MorrisZapp yes I did have an abusive childhood. Also, when I ended my marriage he became v verbally abusive and in front of dc, so this has really cut.

They are challenging bundles of energy, the type that don't stop from 6.30/7am to 9pm, but I would never call them a name.

He said he got it totally wrong, apologisedz said he loves them and me

OP posts:
DeathStare · 03/08/2021 12:17

I can't believe you stayed!

Something happened that frightened dc as he wasn't expecting it, the act itself was not bad, just happened to frighten dc
What was this frightening thing OP? Did the boyfriend have something to do with it?

DufferMum · 03/08/2021 12:17

Get out now, no nice man refers to any child in those terms

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 03/08/2021 12:18

I would end the relationship. No man is worth giving a second chance to hurt your kids to. If you believe this tension build up you describe followed by the abusive language to a young child is only ever going to be a one off, you are deluding yourself.

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 03/08/2021 12:18

This is not a situation where you should be dithering. Get rid. Today. After what you’ve heard could you trust him alone with them for more than 5 mins? If he can’t control his temper in front of their mother then imagine what he may be like when you’re not around.

You can never live with him either, if he can’t handle one evening, how’s he going to handle full time?

8monthsinandcranky · 03/08/2021 12:18

Hold on… he called your DC that and you stayed at this house that night? F* that! Angry You have to make your boundaries very clear from the offset when it comes to your kids.

This is why I’d never date again (despite only being in my late 20’s) if anything happened to DH I’d get myself a Labrador and live an uncomplicated life with my two smalls

BumBurnerBum · 03/08/2021 12:18

He doesn't love them - he's only just met them.

He has very quickly shown you (and them) his true colours.

Armychefbethebest · 03/08/2021 12:18

Walk away before the name calling escalates to a whack round the head to 'teach them a lesson' you didnt have control over your own childhood you do over theres , there are plenty of decent men out there who dont do this.

Original poster
Whatname2021 · 03/08/2021 12:18

I didn't have my car, I didn't want to create a scene of leaving with kids, having to get him to bring us home, kids would have been very upset and I didn't want to sense the tension.

He beeped car horn, dc wasn't expecting it

OP posts:
BiscuitDrama · 03/08/2021 12:19

A whingey what though?

Taliskerskye · 03/08/2021 12:20

Just leave him ffs

Original poster
Whatname2021 · 03/08/2021 12:20

BiscuitDrama - hoor

OP posts:
Unanananana · 03/08/2021 12:20

@Whatname2021

MorrisZapp yes I did have an abusive childhood. Also, when I ended my marriage he became v verbally abusive and in front of dc, so this has really cut.

They are challenging bundles of energy, the type that don't stop from 6.30/7am to 9pm, but I would never call them a name.

He said he got it totally wrong, apologisedz said he loves them and me

I hope you don't believe this shite.

He verbally abused your child. How can you find that attractive let alone want to tolerate it. Bizarre. History will repeat itself if you don't stop it now.

Taliskerskye · 03/08/2021 12:21

What’s a hoor??

JackieWeaverHandforthCouncil · 03/08/2021 12:21

He beeped car horn? so he has driving anger issues too? Sounds like a prize catch.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 03/08/2021 12:21

@Taliskerskye

What’s a hoor??
Whore
Original poster
Whatname2021 · 03/08/2021 12:21

Prostitute

OP posts:
Fiddliestofsticks · 03/08/2021 12:22

You are allowed to swear on mumsnet. What did he call them?

Have you left now? I assume you have taken them home now, I certainly wouldn't be staying there any longer.