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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I pay for everything and he’s asking for 4K

235 replies

Fridacat · 02/08/2021 12:01

Posting here for traffic

Partner helped me with a deposit for a house over a year ago it was 4K I have given some money back 1K but tbh he never really said at the time he wanted it back

Backstory we have one 6 year old child together who has autism been together 18 years but decided to live apart as we both like space he owns his own home and me and my son would live together

I pay for everything food rent bills my sons clothes literally everything. He pays for the odd McDonald’s happy meal and brings our son out which I am very grateful for as sometimes I need that break as I cannot cope at times. He’s is also filthy and I’m one of those who likes my house to be spotless

He has yet again told me today he wants the money back at a rate of 100.00 a month and is refusing to leave the home he’s been here since the start of lockdown which as I said above is great at times because I get a break when he takes our son out

I’m on universal credit and my son gets DLA I’ve never told his father I receive DLA or carers for our son as he would literally take the money from me he has always been very mean.

What am I asking is what would you do aibu to not give him 4K back over a period of time or should I just pay him I don’t know where the arsehole thinks I’m going to get the money from he obviously thinks I shit money.

He’s basically been living here rent free he owns his own house outright so he doesn’t have to pay a mortgage and he works he doesn’t buy our son clothes or anything

He has money he doesn’t have to work but got a job in the area I live in behind my back and told me 24/48 hours before he started. He’s due to be paid this week 2k yet he’s still abusing me about this money I ‘owe’ him

After typing this he really is a cunt in total it was 5K I’ve given him back 1K which he said I didn’t give back even when I proved I did with my bank statements

I literally cannot afford to pay back this money and tbh why should I he literally has been living rent free eating here for free gets his washing done etc

I don’t need any flaming please I’ve been crying in bed and recently come off my antidepressants and I’ll probably have to go back on them now due to the shit he is giving me about this money

OP posts:
Original poster
Fridacat · 02/08/2021 12:05

Just to add he also has a second home about 25 miles from here which he could live in but he won’t his ‘main home’ is in London he is just a pisstaker basically

OP posts:
RubyGoat · 02/08/2021 12:05

Tell him you will need to cut right down on expenses to be able to afford it. Food, netflix, water/electric, everything. You can't afford to buy anything except basics for you & your child. You will pay the money back monthly with the money you save from this.

Basically, he needs to leave & stop sponging off you.

Hoppinggreen · 02/08/2021 12:06

Ignore the fucker and then make a claim for child maintenance support.
If it’s solely your house change the locks

Wtfdoipick · 02/08/2021 12:07

Tell him to leave and put in a claim for cms. He's a piss taker

LaBellina · 02/08/2021 12:07

I would start to do some calculating on what he didn’t pay you over the years that he should have before I gave him any money.

TheFlis12345 · 02/08/2021 12:07

Why are you still in a relationship with this cocklodger arsehole? Dump him, kick him out, and claim child maintenance from him.

shoofly · 02/08/2021 12:07

Kick him out, and then go to CSA for maintenance?

Serenissima21 · 02/08/2021 12:07

Tell him his rent for staying there is £200 a month. Backdated.

Summerofcontent · 02/08/2021 12:08

I'd throw him out and claim maintenance

OrangeElk · 02/08/2021 12:09

Charge him backdated rent from the beginning of lockdown, does he have his own room?

Min £300 per month over 17ish months, he owes you £5100 - tell him you'll kindly take your 'debt' out of it, so he only owes you £1100, which he can pay at £100 a month - on top of continuing to pay £300 per month rent if still staying with you.

frazzledasarock · 02/08/2021 12:09

Lock him out (tell me the house is in your name only?), and put his belongings in bin liners and tell him to collect them.

Put in a CMS claim immediately.

Why put up with his shit?

Gardentiger · 02/08/2021 12:09

So are you actually together still? If yes, he needs to be making a much bigger contribution for being in the house, and also write off the money he lent you.

If no, he needs to leave and stop costing you so much to keep.

Thingsthatgo · 02/08/2021 12:10

As everyone else has said... get rid and claim maintenance. You’ll be better off and happier.

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 02/08/2021 12:10

You need to get him out of there as living together will affect your UC claim even if he doesn’t give you any money.

Other posters will have better information than me on how you do that. I would claim maintenance via CSA and offset the 4K against the inevitable arrears.

Comedycook · 02/08/2021 12:11

Why are you not claiming child maintenance!?

Kentishbear · 02/08/2021 12:12

Ask him how far does he think 4k would get him in child maintenance over 18 years. He is taking the piss.
Put his arse through CMS and kick him out. Let him support himself and pay his way for his child. Never heard anything like it

Comedycook · 02/08/2021 12:12

And can you get child maintenance backdated? If so, I'd do that...six years worth will be fairly significant I'd imagine

Dozer · 02/08/2021 12:12

Unless you had an agreement in writing that the money was a loan and not a gift, he’d find it v difficult to get legal redress if you don’t pay him

SleepingStandingUp · 02/08/2021 12:12

@OrangeElk

Charge him backdated rent from the beginning of lockdown, does he have his own room?

Min £300 per month over 17ish months, he owes you £5100 - tell him you'll kindly take your 'debt' out of it, so he only owes you £1100, which he can pay at £100 a month - on top of continuing to pay £300 per month rent if still staying with you.

This. Except don't let him stay with you, throw him out Ok you'll never see a penny of maintenance but you won't be bankrolling him either
RubyGoat · 02/08/2021 12:12

Whose name is on the mortgage/rental?

Taliskerskye · 02/08/2021 12:12

Just change the locks it’s that simple.
With regard to the 4K is there anything in writing it was a loan. Anything like a text or email anything at all?

Taliskerskye · 02/08/2021 12:13

Also go for child maintenance through CMS

CitrusIceCream · 02/08/2021 12:15

Front it out & take control.

Tell him you cannot pay him back due to the enormity of the monthly expenses you have to meet caring for HIS son. What’s he going to do? Sue you?

Then say...”Speaking of enormous monthly expenses, it’s time to discuss reasonable child maintenance payments. UC have been on my back about it & if we can’t come up with a plan ourselves then I’ll have to do it officially”.

Fuck him.

3scape · 02/08/2021 12:15

You need to draw a line over this financial abuse. He's not contributing he needs to get the fuck out. You said you'd paid 1k back, you've no doubt covered him for more than 4 k for food, laundry, utilities over the lockdowns - If he refuses to leave call the Police and make it very clear he is not on a lease or contract.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/08/2021 12:16

Stop being a mug OP- put it in writing that you thought the money was a gift- apply for Maintenace and find a better man (won’t be hard given the bar)