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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I pay for everything and he’s asking for 4K

235 replies

Fridacat · 02/08/2021 12:01

Posting here for traffic

Partner helped me with a deposit for a house over a year ago it was 4K I have given some money back 1K but tbh he never really said at the time he wanted it back

Backstory we have one 6 year old child together who has autism been together 18 years but decided to live apart as we both like space he owns his own home and me and my son would live together

I pay for everything food rent bills my sons clothes literally everything. He pays for the odd McDonald’s happy meal and brings our son out which I am very grateful for as sometimes I need that break as I cannot cope at times. He’s is also filthy and I’m one of those who likes my house to be spotless

He has yet again told me today he wants the money back at a rate of 100.00 a month and is refusing to leave the home he’s been here since the start of lockdown which as I said above is great at times because I get a break when he takes our son out

I’m on universal credit and my son gets DLA I’ve never told his father I receive DLA or carers for our son as he would literally take the money from me he has always been very mean.

What am I asking is what would you do aibu to not give him 4K back over a period of time or should I just pay him I don’t know where the arsehole thinks I’m going to get the money from he obviously thinks I shit money.

He’s basically been living here rent free he owns his own house outright so he doesn’t have to pay a mortgage and he works he doesn’t buy our son clothes or anything

He has money he doesn’t have to work but got a job in the area I live in behind my back and told me 24/48 hours before he started. He’s due to be paid this week 2k yet he’s still abusing me about this money I ‘owe’ him

After typing this he really is a cunt in total it was 5K I’ve given him back 1K which he said I didn’t give back even when I proved I did with my bank statements

I literally cannot afford to pay back this money and tbh why should I he literally has been living rent free eating here for free gets his washing done etc

I don’t need any flaming please I’ve been crying in bed and recently come off my antidepressants and I’ll probably have to go back on them now due to the shit he is giving me about this money

OP posts:
Original poster
Fridacat · 02/08/2021 13:48

And because I make him sleep in the lounge he said I’m not paying rent to sleep in 2 square meters he really is a knobhead

OP posts:
Eviethyme · 02/08/2021 13:48

Tell him yeah that's fine but I want £200 a month minimum to pay for his FUCKING CHILD FFS THE FUCKING BASTARD

Nightlystroll · 02/08/2021 13:50

@Naunet

Only if he can prove that 1k was a repayment

The op already acknowledged that it was.

Op: I have given some money back 1K

Original poster
Fridacat · 02/08/2021 13:51

@Fullofglee

It's a very strange set up op but your claiming benefits and him living there will alter that you could be seen to commuting benefit fraud regardless if he isn't paying you anything. You in a very dangerous position. Change the locks when he goes out and put a claim in for maintenance.
I know and I’ve told him that he doesn’t care gets himself involved with everyone in the close yet isn’t even meant to be living here

Street angel house devil

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 02/08/2021 13:51

You need support from somewhere. Go back to the drs and discuss your mental health, everything you say sounds so hopeless so maybe you do need to be on antidepressants again, your dr will help. Kick him out, call the police if needed. Then put in a claim for cms to get what your son is owed. You may need to through the courts to arrange end of week visits. Limit any and all communication with him, the so called relationship needs to end

moonbedazzled · 02/08/2021 13:52

@Fridacat

And because I make him sleep in the lounge he said I’m not paying rent to sleep in 2 square meters he really is a knobhead
And yet you are still engaging with him. Whilst you do that, he thinks you're still in a relationship.

End it, tell him to leave, move on.

icelollycraving · 02/08/2021 13:52

Good god. I can see you’ve gradually allowed this cheeky shit to worm his way in. You need to regain control of YOUR home.
Would it affect your benefits if he was found to be living there?
Even his mum knows he’s a cocklodger. Get him out. Change the locks and take your life back.

LumpySpacedPrincess · 02/08/2021 13:54

Kick him out, or you are committing fraud by claiming benefits as a single parent.

Original poster
Fridacat · 02/08/2021 13:54

I’ve told him to go and live at his second home which is about 25 miles from here he said I’m not commuting everyday to see my son. He has got used to living the life of Riley here

OP posts:
Bettysnow · 02/08/2021 13:55

What a nasty, mean human being! This is shocking! Seriously op where does this excuse for a partner/father demonstrate any semblance of love or concern for you and your child?
So cold and calculating.
Wouldn't you love to be with someone who cared enough about you to want to share with you or someone who cared enough about you to not want to put you under more stress?
This man cares about nobody only number one.
Pay him nothing! In fact hand him a bill of what he should have been paying over the years deduct the 4k then go for child maintenance and pay someone to help you when you need a break.

Naunet · 02/08/2021 13:55

[quote Nightlystroll]@Naunet

Only if he can prove that 1k was a repayment

The op already acknowledged that it was.

Op: I have given some money back 1K[/quote]
Yeah, but MN isn’t a court…!

GreatestSh0wUnicorn · 02/08/2021 13:56

It’s not an excuse but has be ever been assessed for ASD?

Get him out call the police, if you have to, then the CMS.

Qwerty789 · 02/08/2021 13:57

OP there is an awful lot of you complaining about how awful he is, how mean, how abusive, what a taker....but yet you do nothing about it. WTF are you thinking here? WHY do you let him stay? Is it the drama? Is the excitement of it?
Who in their right mind would even give this twat the time of day, let alone let him live in your house and feed him and give him money?
Quite frankly the question here is what is wrong with you?

Naunet · 02/08/2021 13:57

@Fridacat

I’ve told him to go and live at his second home which is about 25 miles from here he said I’m not commuting everyday to see my son. He has got used to living the life of Riley here
FFS why are you being so passive? Do you want this man out or not? What are you going to do about this situation? It’s worrying that you’re acting like you have no choice in your own life.
RandomMess · 02/08/2021 13:57

End the relationship and get the police to remove him. He has no right to live there with you.

Danikm151 · 02/08/2021 13:57

He needs out asap. You can be committing fraud claiming as a single person but living with someone.
Check how much you would be entitled to in CM and invoice him for that- will probably be more than his £4k

This isn’t a relationship- it’s a dictatorship

AmberIsACertainty · 02/08/2021 13:57

What do you want from this thread OP? Are you just moaning about the situation with no intention to do anything about it? Or do you want advice?

You don't want him living with you, so why is he still there? Don't say "because he won't leave". It's not his choice, it's your choice if he's there or not. If you want him gone, get him gone.

RandomMess · 02/08/2021 13:57

He is financially and emotionally abusing you.

DishingOutDone · 02/08/2021 13:57

OP it sounds like you are in complete thrall to this man he is controlling and abusive. Never mind who owes what concentrate on getting him out then you can make fair access and maintenance arrangements. I think you’d benefit from advice and support from Women’s Aid. You can’t let this go on.

Original poster
Fridacat · 02/08/2021 13:58

@Bettysnow

What a nasty, mean human being! This is shocking! Seriously op where does this excuse for a partner/father demonstrate any semblance of love or concern for you and your child? So cold and calculating. Wouldn't you love to be with someone who cared enough about you to want to share with you or someone who cared enough about you to not want to put you under more stress? This man cares about nobody only number one. Pay him nothing! In fact hand him a bill of what he should have been paying over the years deduct the 4k then go for child maintenance and pay someone to help you when you need a break.
You’re right Thankyou I just feel like absolute crap right now

He is a narcissist constantly talks about himself his life as I say to him what’s today’s subject the me show

OP posts:
YeokensYegg · 02/08/2021 14:00

He doesn't have to agree to leave. He just has to get out.

I think he knows you don't want him there but he's a user so he'll keep manipulating and bullying you.

You can do this. Wait until he's at work and get him out.

AnneLovesGilbert · 02/08/2021 14:00

@AmberIsACertainty

What do you want from this thread OP? Are you just moaning about the situation with no intention to do anything about it? Or do you want advice?

You don't want him living with you, so why is he still there? Don't say "because he won't leave". It's not his choice, it's your choice if he's there or not. If you want him gone, get him gone.

All of this. What are you going to do? What specific help do you need or order to do it?
isitsummertimeyet · 02/08/2021 14:00

why you even with this guy, he sounds a right loser

SpiderinaWingMirror · 02/08/2021 14:00

I suppose actually the issue is HOW do you get rid of him cos you are treading in dangerous territory.

Wolframhart · 02/08/2021 14:01

This man is financially abusing you and setting a horrible example for your son in the process.

The solution is simple. He could be gone and a cms claim submitted in the next 24 hours.