Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I pay for everything and he’s asking for 4K

235 replies

Fridacat · 02/08/2021 12:01

Posting here for traffic

Partner helped me with a deposit for a house over a year ago it was 4K I have given some money back 1K but tbh he never really said at the time he wanted it back

Backstory we have one 6 year old child together who has autism been together 18 years but decided to live apart as we both like space he owns his own home and me and my son would live together

I pay for everything food rent bills my sons clothes literally everything. He pays for the odd McDonald’s happy meal and brings our son out which I am very grateful for as sometimes I need that break as I cannot cope at times. He’s is also filthy and I’m one of those who likes my house to be spotless

He has yet again told me today he wants the money back at a rate of 100.00 a month and is refusing to leave the home he’s been here since the start of lockdown which as I said above is great at times because I get a break when he takes our son out

I’m on universal credit and my son gets DLA I’ve never told his father I receive DLA or carers for our son as he would literally take the money from me he has always been very mean.

What am I asking is what would you do aibu to not give him 4K back over a period of time or should I just pay him I don’t know where the arsehole thinks I’m going to get the money from he obviously thinks I shit money.

He’s basically been living here rent free he owns his own house outright so he doesn’t have to pay a mortgage and he works he doesn’t buy our son clothes or anything

He has money he doesn’t have to work but got a job in the area I live in behind my back and told me 24/48 hours before he started. He’s due to be paid this week 2k yet he’s still abusing me about this money I ‘owe’ him

After typing this he really is a cunt in total it was 5K I’ve given him back 1K which he said I didn’t give back even when I proved I did with my bank statements

I literally cannot afford to pay back this money and tbh why should I he literally has been living rent free eating here for free gets his washing done etc

I don’t need any flaming please I’ve been crying in bed and recently come off my antidepressants and I’ll probably have to go back on them now due to the shit he is giving me about this money

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 02/08/2021 13:37

Just tell him he owes you rent and 6 years of child support.
You can get him to leave. You can simply change the locks the next time he is out of the house, message him and say he will have to find somewhere else. Then call cms and put in your child support claim.

Fullofglee · 02/08/2021 13:37

It's a very strange set up op but your claiming benefits and him living there will alter that you could be seen to commuting benefit fraud regardless if he isn't paying you anything. You in a very dangerous position. Change the locks when he goes out and put a claim in for maintenance.

Sparklesocks · 02/08/2021 13:38

@Fridacat

If I could have afforded to pay the full deposit here I would have done but I was living in a London flat with a rent of 1300 I didn’t have any spare cash and he said he would pay the deposit.

He was sponging off me in London also but obviously it’s worse now because he’s permanently here

He’s a nit picker picks about crap doesn’t want to help me with diy etc so I said I’ll get a handyman in then he starts you can pay for a handyman but you can’t pay me.

Constantly puts me down for everything I buy yet doesn’t want to pay for anything.

He told my mum to stop buying my son clothes and when she sends money for his birthday Christmas etc pocket money in a card he says can your mum give me some

He expects you to pay him for maintenance around the house??

Bin him!!! Immediately!!

Horehound · 02/08/2021 13:39

I too would say ok but since you've been here living here I'm charging rent £300 a month. .

Fieldsofstars · 02/08/2021 13:39

I find it strange you’re more concerned he’s asking you to pay him 4K worse than him sponging off you and not paying towards his child.

Original poster
Fridacat · 02/08/2021 13:40

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

If he’s working you’ll need to update your UC claim.

If you knew the money wasn’t a gift and have repaid some it can’t have come as a shock he would want the rest back.

You should have asked him to contribute to food and the extra council tax/utilities it has cost although if he wasn’t working at that point it would have been a joint benefit claim anyway.

I’ve asked him countless times to buy things and he does a ‘shocked’ look on his face and walks away I’ve asked him to help pay with bills I even said let’s pay half each he won’t

He’s not on benefits he has money and he works the tenancy is in my name

I’m flabbergasted he wants money back when he’s had more than that from me over the years and continuing to live in my home rent free where should I be getting this mythical money from?

OP posts:
Nightlystroll · 02/08/2021 13:40

@Fridacat

You're saying he's sponging off you and making your life miserable. So why are you still in a relationship? Your most important priority us your child. How is this improving your child's life? Get a grip and do what you know must be done.

Naunet · 02/08/2021 13:41

[quote Nightlystroll]@frazzledasarock

Legally? There’s no legally drawn up loan agreement.

You don't have to have a loan agreement to owe someone money. If you were out with a friend and they saw a dress but had discovered they'd forgotten their debit card and asked you to lend them the money and you did, wouldn't you expect to be paid back? Don't they owe you the money? Of course they do. A verbal agreement can be just as binding, although obviously a written one is easier for the court do deal with.

Moreover here the op has already repaid 1,000 so is acknowledging the loan.[/quote]
Only if he can prove that 1k was a repayment

frazzledasarock · 02/08/2021 13:42

@Orf1abc

Legally? There’s no legally drawn up loan agreement.

There doesn't need to be for money loaned on a non commercial basis. The OP has made repayments, that would evidence her agreement that the money was a loan.

The bigger issue is that the OP is claiming UC as a single parent. Should the DWP discover that she's failed to declare her partner is living there, it will be her they pursue, not him.

He still needs evidence there was a loan.

Unless he does he has no legal position.

GreenLeafTurnip · 02/08/2021 13:43

Is there any legal proof he lent it to you? If not I'd be tempted to ask what 4K did he give you?

Original poster
Fridacat · 02/08/2021 13:43

@Fieldsofstars

I find it strange you’re more concerned he’s asking you to pay him 4K worse than him sponging off you and not paying towards his child.
I can’t afford it he’s never bought my son anything really so that’s no real big shock he talks the talk but never follows through

It does piss me off that he’s sponging off both of us it’s mentioned everyday he reads through my bills and when I say can you help me pay this please he either makes a false promise or ignores me

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/08/2021 13:43

The very next time he leaves the house, you need to pack up a bag and leave it outside. Are you able to change a lock yourself? If not do you have a friend or neighbour who could come round at a moment's notice to do it? Do you have a garage or shed where you can leave his things?

He has to leave at some point so you have to grab your moment. I'd tell him you can't afford to pay him back. Claim child support and any other benefits immediately.

LaurieFairyCake · 02/08/2021 13:43

Well if he's not working you're unlikely to get money out of CMS but with him living with you it's assumed he's contributing and any universal credit should be claimed as a couple

I would:

  1. Kick him out
  2. Never see him again
  3. Not pay him a penny
  4. Start CMS claim and keep it open so he has to pay if he has a job
Thanks
Original poster
Fridacat · 02/08/2021 13:44

No agreement in writing about the money

Believe me I’ve given him so much over the years than he has ever given me

OP posts:
user16395699 · 02/08/2021 13:44

This is an abusive relationship. What support do you need to end it?

It's not going to get better or stop being abusive, no matter how many times you post about it.

It's just a bit sad seeing you pour energy into analysing his abuse and going around in a circle, when you could instead use that energy to exit the situation.

Hekatestorch · 02/08/2021 13:45

Then he should have been gone a long time ago.

You can't change that but you can get him out, today. Because he has no right to be there.

Original poster
Fridacat · 02/08/2021 13:45

@LaurieFairyCake

Well if he's not working you're unlikely to get money out of CMS but with him living with you it's assumed he's contributing and any universal credit should be claimed as a couple

I would:

  1. Kick him out
  2. Never see him again
  3. Not pay him a penny
  4. Start CMS claim and keep it open so he has to pay if he has a job

Thanks

He doesn’t claim any benefits I do I’ve told him before I was going to put in a claim for child maintenance he either says go on then or I want my money back he’s always got an answer for everything
OP posts:
YeokensYegg · 02/08/2021 13:45

Good grief! Get this cocklodging fucker out today!
Today!

Wait until he goes to work and pack up his things in bin bags and leave them by the door.

Ring Women's Aid
Ring to make a claim for CMS.

Send him a text when you're finished that things aren't working out and his things will be by the front door when he leaves work.

Change your locks or the very least leave a key in the door.

Don't give another thought about paying him another penny. Not one!
Let him take you to court. He won't as cheeky fuckers like him don't like court.

BoredatHome321 · 02/08/2021 13:46

If he's living with you you'll need to update your UC claim. He sounds like a bellend to be honest, do what you want with your money but you'll still need to update your UC claim as he's living there with you.

Original poster
Fridacat · 02/08/2021 13:47

He went online and said I’m entitled to X amount each month Im not and to claim it so I could give the money to him I presume. They were benefits I’m not entitled to

OP posts:
QforCucumber · 02/08/2021 13:47

Why is he still staying with you?

AmberIsACertainty · 02/08/2021 13:47

You are in such a precarious position here . Firstly you're committing benefit fraud claiming as a single parent and he's earning and living there, the fact he pays for nothing and has another address is irrelevant to the DWP, for their purposes his behaviour qualifies as living with you.

Secondly, he's a total arsehole, LTB.

Call the police if he won't leave, thy can escort him from the premises. Get your locks changed. Put in a Child Maintenance claim. Expect nothing more from him. If he turns up for access sessions, he takes DC out and pays for whatever is needed, he doesn't have the session in your house.

Technically I expect you owe him the £4k although it sounds like there wasn't even a conversation around whether it was a gift or a loan, so if he takes you to court you could argue that it was a gift. However, you don't want him having any stake in your house, what with him being a total arse. So just pay back the money. His meanness is irrelevant to the situation with the £4k. His meanness is a separate issue which you should LTB for (along with all his other nasty traits).

Original poster
Fridacat · 02/08/2021 13:48

@Hekatestorch

Then he should have been gone a long time ago.

You can't change that but you can get him out, today. Because he has no right to be there.

I agree I never thought he would still be here he uses my house as a hotel
OP posts:
frazzledasarock · 02/08/2021 13:48

Put on a CM claim why don’t you? You don’t need his permission and lock him out as soon as he steps out the front door.

Member869894 · 02/08/2021 13:48

hi. If the house is in your name tell him that if he does not leave you will call the police and ask him to leave. And do it. He has no right to be there.
I think because you paid some of the loan back he has a case to say that you owe him £3k. But the reality is a solicitor would charge him a load up front to claim it so he probably will try to intimidate you instead. I would fight fire with fire and if you ever (which I doubt) get a formal demand for the money say that yes it was a loan initially but then you agreed to offset it by allowing him to leave rent free. He could end up owing you money...