I pay for everything and he’s asking for 4K

[Fridacat]

Posting here for traffic

Partner helped me with a deposit for a house over a year ago it was 4K I have given some money back 1K but tbh he never really said at the time he wanted it back

Backstory we have one 6 year old child together who has autism been together 18 years but decided to live apart as we both like space he owns his own home and me and my son would live together

I pay for everything food rent bills my sons clothes literally everything. He pays for the odd McDonald’s happy meal and brings our son out which I am very grateful for as sometimes I need that break as I cannot cope at times. He’s is also filthy and I’m one of those who likes my house to be spotless

He has yet again told me today he wants the money back at a rate of 100.00 a month and is refusing to leave the home he’s been here since the start of lockdown which as I said above is great at times because I get a break when he takes our son out

I’m on universal credit and my son gets DLA I’ve never told his father I receive DLA or carers for our son as he would literally take the money from me he has always been very mean.

What am I asking is what would you do aibu to not give him 4K back over a period of time or should I just pay him I don’t know where the arsehole thinks I’m going to get the money from he obviously thinks I shit money.

He’s basically been living here rent free he owns his own house outright so he doesn’t have to pay a mortgage and he works he doesn’t buy our son clothes or anything

He has money he doesn’t have to work but got a job in the area I live in behind my back and told me 24/48 hours before he started. He’s due to be paid this week 2k yet he’s still abusing me about this money I ‘owe’ him

After typing this he really is a cunt in total it was 5K I’ve given him back 1K which he said I didn’t give back even when I proved I did with my bank statements

I literally cannot afford to pay back this money and tbh why should I he literally has been living rent free eating here for free gets his washing done etc

I don’t need any flaming please I’ve been crying in bed and recently come off my antidepressants and I’ll probably have to go back on them now due to the shit he is giving me about this money

I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s renting out his other places while you pay for everything for him. I’m with everyone else, call women’s aid, call the police and change the locks, he has no right to be there.

You do know that you need to remove him from your life and the house.

If he isn't a physical threat, Pack his stuff up and put it outside the house.If he doesn't leave call the police.
Change the locks.

Sweet mercy. It's nuts to put up with this shit.
You've written it down.
I'm so glad you've opened your eyes.

Presumably one of the reasons you chose to have a child together but not live together was for the state benefits you get as a single parent

That’s completely unfair and not what the OP has said at all. They were living together up until a year ago.

Remarks like this when you haven’t even bothered reading what she’s said are just nasty.

He doesn’t claim any benefits I do I’ve told him before I was going to put in a claim for child maintenance he either says go on then or I want my money back he’s always got an answer for everything

Throw him out and put in the CMS claim. Why won’t you.

Tot up half of the expenses involved with keeping your child since he was born - including the mortgage - and tell him to knock the £4K off that. If (as is highly likely) it comes to more than £4K, tell him you'll accept repayment at £100 a week, and regular maintenance from now on.

Is the house in your name?

I doubt the op will be back. This is such a shit scenario but she needs to have some strength to stop the status quo. Easier to just moan until it really falls apart when she’s found to be fraudulent with her benefits.
I hope she’s still reading even if not replying and taking more. Burying her head in the sand could well be her downfall.

This man is financially abusive. Please call womens aid. They can help.

@icelollycraving

I doubt the op will be back. This is such a shit scenario but she needs to have some strength to stop the status quo. Easier to just moan until it really falls apart when she’s found to be fraudulent with her benefits. I hope she’s still reading even if not replying and taking more. Burying her head in the sand could well be her downfall.

Are you so scathing to all women in abusive relationships?

Easier just to moan - sheesh

I’ve been in abusive relationships. When I said I hoped she was reading, I meant that.
I understand it can be that you want to just moan about one thing without seeing the bigger picture. I have done it. More times than I care to remember.
My post sounded absolutely terrible and you were right to call me out on it. Apologies op and any others that I upset. Truly.