Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have done this in ‘public’? Unsupervised kids.

189 replies

WhatsAppening · 02/08/2021 09:43

NC for this as it’s incredibly outing.

For a few months now there have been two small kids playing in the road in our small estate. They have ZERO road sense. They have run in front of cars several times. They often just stop in the middle of the road in front of cars. They are 5 and 6 apparently.

Yesterday when leaving for work I had to slam on my brakes despite only going 5 mph round one of the three blind corners as the little girl sped into my path on her bike. I was really shaken, she was inches away from my bumper.

Not knowing who they belonged to I posted on the estate WhatsApp group to say what had happened, I said it’s not the first time (although the scariest) and that they need to be supervised.

The mum responded to say yeah but we live in a flat and they need outside play, and she can’t always be out there with them because she has to do housework.

I then got a flurry of private messages from other neighbours saying they’ve also had near misses and that the kids are sent out after breakfast and called in at tea time. Not one of them posted anything on the group.

Anyway I responded again saying that I appreciate they need outside time but that they need supervision. Got one line back saying ‘message me privately’.

I lost my rag a bit and said just supervise your kids ffs and I’m not interested in a private chat.

Anyway it all kicked off. Her husband chimed in, she said I’m parent shaming her and she has anxiety (not too anxious about the kids though are you hun) and basically left me feeling like the baddie.

So, was I being unreasonable to do this in the group? I had no idea who she was so couldn’t have messaged her to start with.

OP posts:
HunterHearstHelmsley · 02/08/2021 09:44

You weren't unreasonable. Does she want her children to get run over?! Its not parent shaming at all FFS.

Demelza82 · 02/08/2021 09:45

The initial contact you couldn't have done any differently. They sound like shitty parents who are deflecting away from their own shitty parenting.

RedHelenB · 02/08/2021 09:47

The last bit is what makes you unreasonable. No problem with pointing out that you had come close to hitting them but now you know they are often playing out and generalised it the only thing to do is to be really cautious when you drive in and out of your road.

Sleepyblueocean · 02/08/2021 09:49

I'd rather 'shame' a parent than a child get injured or worse when I could have done something to prevent it.

Original poster
WhatsAppening · 02/08/2021 09:50

@RedHelenB

The last bit is what makes you unreasonable. No problem with pointing out that you had come close to hitting them but now you know they are often playing out and generalised it the only thing to do is to be really cautious when you drive in and out of your road.
I’m already really cautious! Lots of kids play out but the rest of them are road savvy (usually!) and move out of the way. None of us would ever drive round carelessly or quickly, but the same can’t be said for visitors/deliveries etc.

I’m not sure what else to do. Would social services be interested if it carries on?

OP posts:
youaresunshine · 02/08/2021 09:54

They sound entitled.

mrsrichardsglasses · 02/08/2021 09:55

I get the impression if you hadn't said anything no one else would have done and it would have continued, with people whining about it behind closed doors but never confronting the mum.
Now you've said something she is aware at least one person has had a near miss and is worried and its up to her if she wants to carry on putting her kids at risk.
You're not wrong to get annoyed or refuse a private chat. I'd go as far as to say if she carried on leaving them alone and you had another close call I'd be ringing non-emergency police line.

PP who said its OPs problem and she needs to be more cautious, thats ridiculous. She's already said she was driving slower than she should be, the parents need to take responsibility.

MushMonster · 02/08/2021 09:56

They need to teach their kids road safety. End of. You are not wrong, but leave it there. The only reason why the other neighbours only mesage privately is because they do not want to take the anger from the parents. But must be really bad if they got all these near misses! Police will take an interest if the parents do not act now and care for the little ones.

Kalvinette · 02/08/2021 09:57

Classic parents thinking the world revolves around them and their kids

Mistyplanet · 02/08/2021 10:00

The swearing was a bit much. She did respond and you could have messaged her privately then. Her number would have been on the group chat. Your point was right but the delivery of it was aggressive in the end.

KatherineOfGaunt · 02/08/2021 10:01

Definitely NBU. Yes, children need to play outside, but the mum really should be keeping an eye, especially if they don't stick to the pavements and such. Better you alert other estate users and the mum that these near misses are happening, in the hope that there won't be an actual accident one day.

mrsrichardsglasses · 02/08/2021 10:02

@Mistyplanet

The swearing was a bit much. She did respond and you could have messaged her privately then. Her number would have been on the group chat. Your point was right but the delivery of it was aggressive in the end.
Why is it wrong to be aggressive? She had a small child almost collide with her car and the mum appears to give no shits. I'd be aggressive too and probably very shaken up!
Chemenger · 02/08/2021 10:04

I used to live in a terraced house in a network of similar streets. My route home went along a narrow lane with no pavements, well used by traffic. On day there was a big cardboard box abandoned at the side of the lane, leaving it even narrower. As I came up to it two little girls appeared out of the box. My heart stopped. If a large vehicle had gone down the lane (like a bin lorry, for example) it would have hit the box, no doubt. I stopped and sent the little girls home and told them never to play there again. I remember it like yesterday, although it’s thirty years ago.

Original poster
WhatsAppening · 02/08/2021 10:04

@Mistyplanet

The swearing was a bit much. She did respond and you could have messaged her privately then. Her number would have been on the group chat. Your point was right but the delivery of it was aggressive in the end.
I did lose my temper because she was so full of excuses.

Older kids need their independence (they are 5 and 6)

I can’t watch them all day (they are your fucking children)

They need outside play (use the large communal garden or the green then)

She’s only just off her stabilisers so a bit wobbly (even more reason to keep her off the road)

I have anxiety (wtf)

My kids are polite (errr whatever that has to do with it).

She has never once said she’ll stop them playing in the road, just that she’ll tell them to be more careful. It gave me the proper rage.

OP posts:
GoldBar · 02/08/2021 10:06

YANBU. It's not going to help her anxiety one bit if one of her children is involved in a collision and seriously injured and, as a driver, it would scar me psychologically for life, even if it wasn't my fault.

There are certain things young kids should never be near unsupervised. These include roads and water. If a parent can't manage the most basic safeguarding of their children whatever the reason, social services need to be involved.

ThanksIGotItInMorrisons · 02/08/2021 10:09

Silly moo will be quick to blame someone else when one of her kids comes to harm. I can’t stand people like this. I’d call ss and let them deal with it tbh. They’re too young to be roaming the road on their own. Or at all.

CantBeAssed · 02/08/2021 10:13

YANBUi...I have the same problem in my street...only the children are of a younger age! I couldn't even tell you what the mum looks as I have only ever seen the back of her head when she is getting out of car...lives in a house with good sized back garden but no..the street is a much safer place for her 2 and 3 year old to play for hours at a time unsupervised...Hmm

Antinerak · 02/08/2021 10:17

YANBU, she's neglecting her kids and deserves it to be brought up in public. You might want to consider contacting SS.

user1471457751 · 02/08/2021 10:17

Do you have a local post you could report this to and show them the fb posts? Alternatively, call social services. This is child neglect.

user1471457751 · 02/08/2021 10:18

*pcso not post

ApolloandDaphne · 02/08/2021 10:18

You asked if SS would be interested. The answer to that is yes they would. Especially if you explain everything as said here. They are not being supervised safely and someone needs to have a word with the parents.

SimonJT · 02/08/2021 10:20

I live in a flat and I have a 6 year old, letting him play outside alone would be insane, if I did let him play out alone I would expect someone to complain/report as it would be irresponsible parenting. Yes he needs to be outside sometimes, so I get off my arse and go with him.

It sounds like they are embarrassed that their dangerous parenting has been highlighted, hopefully they will change, better to be embarrassed and have living children, other parents sadly lose their children due to a lack of supervision around roads.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 02/08/2021 10:20

Many many years ago when I was a teenager there was a big annual event in the town that I lived in. The mum of a girl I knew a bit (she was the year older than me but lived next door to my best friend) picked her up and then noticed that a group of teenagers (one of which she knew but the other 4 she didn’t) were doing something slightly dangerous. She was about to get out of her car and tell them not to when her daughter begged her not to saying I t would cause her hassle at school.) She didn’t. The “thing that rarely happens but does very occasionally” happened and one of them died.

You feel bad now but you would feel a hell of a lot worse if you had gone the kind, non-confrontational route and someone had hit one of the kids.

Sparklfairy · 02/08/2021 10:24

I lost my rag a bit and said just supervise your kids ffs and I’m not interested in a private chat.

Bet that went down well Grin

Doublestar · 02/08/2021 10:24

God, 5 and 6? That's far too young to be out unsupervised - especially on a bike - my heart is in my mouth when I let my 13yo out on his bike.

She is clearly rather lazy and would rather take the risk of her dc's being abducted/run over that actually look after them herself. I get it's hard having them stuck in a high rise but it's no excuse for them to be out alone.
I'm not sure what you can do really except drive extremely carefully in the vicinity and pray those kids are ok.