To have done this in ‘public’? Unsupervised kids.

[WhatsAppening]

NC for this as it’s incredibly outing.

For a few months now there have been two small kids playing in the road in our small estate. They have ZERO road sense. They have run in front of cars several times. They often just stop in the middle of the road in front of cars. They are 5 and 6 apparently.

Yesterday when leaving for work I had to slam on my brakes despite only going 5 mph round one of the three blind corners as the little girl sped into my path on her bike. I was really shaken, she was inches away from my bumper.

Not knowing who they belonged to I posted on the estate WhatsApp group to say what had happened, I said it’s not the first time (although the scariest) and that they need to be supervised.

The mum responded to say yeah but we live in a flat and they need outside play, and she can’t always be out there with them because she has to do housework.

I then got a flurry of private messages from other neighbours saying they’ve also had near misses and that the kids are sent out after breakfast and called in at tea time. Not one of them posted anything on the group.

Anyway I responded again saying that I appreciate they need outside time but that they need supervision. Got one line back saying ‘message me privately’.

I lost my rag a bit and said just supervise your kids ffs and I’m not interested in a private chat.

Anyway it all kicked off. Her husband chimed in, she said I’m parent shaming her and she has anxiety (not too anxious about the kids though are you hun) and basically left me feeling like the baddie.

So, was I being unreasonable to do this in the group? I had no idea who she was so couldn’t have messaged her to start with.

They are out all day that’s some housework she’s doing.

Good on you for telling her of the near miss and to actually parent their kids.

Are they still in the communal garden. I wonder how long that’ll last.

Years ago I let my 5 year old go to his friends. It was across a tiny road, a car probably went by every 10 min, so not busy. I let him go himself as he had road sense, well so I thought. Half an hour later an old lady came to the door to say my son had ran across the road and didn’t look. I was so thankful to her for letting me know. He never crossed the road himself till a few years later. I shudder to think if he’d crossed at the wrong time. My sister was knocked down at 14 and spent years in hospital after that.

Hi op, hope you’re ok. I’ve seen a child hit by a car twice (separate occasions), thankfully as a bystander, and as you can imagine, it’s fucking awful. That said, I cannot imagine how it would feel to be the one that was behind the wheel, so I would absolutely lose my shit at the parents of those children & their justification for neglecting them. I would also contact SS if it happens again.

And yeah, I bet your neighbours are relieved that someone else has done the right thing, so they can finally stop wringing their hands .

If there are safeguarding concerns regarded children do report, to local authority

It's the way she said "they need to play out"

Yes they need to play out but with "supervision".

I'd just report it op.

I'd also probably have said, since asking this question, lots of people have got back to me privately to say they also have had near miss experiences

So when you report they can't be sure it's you!!

Good on you for speaking up. I'd suggest:

• Apologise in the WhatsApp group, you didn't mean to "shame" them you are just concerned for their children - saying sorry doesn't hurt and you never know when you might need their goodwill (or others in the group)
• Hopefully this is a wake-up call and they change their behaviour. Give them a chance before calling social services

what on earth is an estate whatsapp group?

I would just call social services if the children where in real danger and not being supervised.

Also I live in a place with no garden, my kids dont play out on the streets especially wouldnt allow it near roads or if they where young. When they go out I personally take them to the park and stay with them, not having a garden is NOT an excuse to be a bad parent (even in a garden they should be supervised and that at least doesnt have the risk of roads and strangers).

I would report to social services.

If more parents were publicly shamed, maybe their parenting would improve.

Now days anything seems to go and people are too afraid to say anything.

@EspressoDoubleShot

If there are safeguarding concerns regarded children do report, to local authority

This.

Safeguarding concerns are rarely ‘sorted’ by any kind of social media, ‘chats’ or anything else.

They are kids - their wellbeing is being put in danger by slack parenting - they have no choice to play out or to say if they are supervised or not - so the adults have to inform social services.

No other way to do it really that is going to have any impact.

Parents don't want to hear that their unsupervised kids are not safe, I've found that out myself. They'll do anything to justify it because they just want to be shot of them. Like you I've found they do then put a stop to it - but it will somehow be your fault and they will be angry with you for it as if you're the one who's done something wrong.

Good for you.
More straight talking is needed in this world IMO.

''Parent Shaming'' FFS If you've got nothing to be ashamed about then you can't be shamed ....

@MyDcAreMarvel

There is an awful lot of very naive posters on this thread. SS are not going to visit because two young children are playing out.

Two young children wandering the streets alone and unsupervised all day every day where they have had their life endangered many time by multiple witnesses.

Of course social services would investigate (hell I got a SS visit over a neighbor phoning up because my kid with colic cried nearly non stop for a month - they varified he was healthy, well looked after and getting medical advisment on it and I was doing everything right but they still had to check).

It should also be reported to the police every time they nearly cause a road accident so theres a log and the police can issue a warning.

I think that if you are dealing with a parent/parents. who will take umbrage when they are informed about their children doing something dangerous, you will most likely get some backlash. They will always come up with some excuses, instead of getting real about the issues. But they will turn on you, if anything bad happened to the children.
Children are in their own worlds when out playing, but need to be told not to ride in the roads, with vehicles around, and at these ages, should understand this.

Maybe shitty parenting should be "shamed"
Fair play to you Op for not getting into a private chat about it, you didnt need to. there is no excuse if there is a safe green space they could use instead

Years ago I rang the police as teenagers were riding mopeds on the pavements and road, a quiet close, at speed. I said I wasn't interested in spoiling their fun but was worried about the fact they had no helmets on. The police were there in less than ten minutes. I would ring the police for sure in your case too.

what on earth is an estate whatsapp group?

@mam0918 how basic an explanation do you need? Do you know what a WhatsApp group is? This is one of those, for neighbours to use to discuss matters of relevance to the estate they all live on. (You know what an estate is, right?)

I saw something similar on a local social media post a while ago, someone concerned about unsupervised young children causing damage to property, the person who put up the post was attacked by several people for being "perfect" and judgmental and for shaming the poor children and their parents, it was bizarre.

Good for you for saying something, I really don't understand how any parent could let their small children play out unsupervised and not give a crap what they are doing and what dangers they could be in.

@ThanksIGotItInMorrisons

Silly moo will be quick to blame someone else when one of her kids comes to harm. I can’t stand people like this. I’d call ss and let them deal with it tbh. They’re too young to be roaming the road on their own. Or at all.

After the exchange with the mother, I'd be inclined to report to both the police and SS. These parents sound like utter imbeciles.

Honestly, some of the kids in my area are just being ignored as they're out constantly as long as it's not pelting it down. It's not so bening neglect.

I personally think its wrong to shame anyone on social media. I am sure if your were that worried you could have found out who the parent was and had a quiet word.

@Picklypickles

I saw something similar on a local social media post a while ago, someone concerned about unsupervised young children causing damage to property, the person who put up the post was attacked by several people for being "perfect" and judgmental and for shaming the poor children and their parents, it was bizarre.

Good for you for saying something, I really don't understand how any parent could let their small children play out unsupervised and not give a crap what they are doing and what dangers they could be in.

Big difference there, though, was that kids were damaging someone else's property, not putting themselves at risk.

@EspressoDoubleShot

You’ve escalated this into an online confrontation via WhatsApp and now you're all faux indignation and how did that happen? You were right to be upset/alarmed by the poor safety You were wrong to escalate into a personal attack. Of course neighbour partner is going to respond when you’ve attacked her

Why? Is it because women can’t possibly defend themselves and need a man/their partner to make a point instead?

Very similar thing going on near me, OP! Interestingly, I started a thread asking if people thought ages 5,6 and 7 were too young to do this. It didn't get many replies, but there were mixed opinions. Plenty saying it was OK if the estate was quiet and a low crime area! I was very surprised as I agree with everyone on this thread.

YANBU but no one reacts well to being called a bad parent.