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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have done this in ‘public’? Unsupervised kids.

189 replies

WhatsAppening · 02/08/2021 09:43

NC for this as it’s incredibly outing.

For a few months now there have been two small kids playing in the road in our small estate. They have ZERO road sense. They have run in front of cars several times. They often just stop in the middle of the road in front of cars. They are 5 and 6 apparently.

Yesterday when leaving for work I had to slam on my brakes despite only going 5 mph round one of the three blind corners as the little girl sped into my path on her bike. I was really shaken, she was inches away from my bumper.

Not knowing who they belonged to I posted on the estate WhatsApp group to say what had happened, I said it’s not the first time (although the scariest) and that they need to be supervised.

The mum responded to say yeah but we live in a flat and they need outside play, and she can’t always be out there with them because she has to do housework.

I then got a flurry of private messages from other neighbours saying they’ve also had near misses and that the kids are sent out after breakfast and called in at tea time. Not one of them posted anything on the group.

Anyway I responded again saying that I appreciate they need outside time but that they need supervision. Got one line back saying ‘message me privately’.

I lost my rag a bit and said just supervise your kids ffs and I’m not interested in a private chat.

Anyway it all kicked off. Her husband chimed in, she said I’m parent shaming her and she has anxiety (not too anxious about the kids though are you hun) and basically left me feeling like the baddie.

So, was I being unreasonable to do this in the group? I had no idea who she was so couldn’t have messaged her to start with.

OP posts:
ClawedButler · 02/08/2021 10:28

IMO, better to offend someone than a child be seriously hurt.

vixeyann · 02/08/2021 10:29

Good for you. They reacted because they know they are in the wrong. You don't leave a 5 and 6 year old to play outside alone on a road. What planet are people like this on? They will be the first to blame everyone should something happen to their children.

Amaterasux · 02/08/2021 10:30

Report - it's a safeguarding issue.

We nearly hit a group of older children walking down a road towards the blind corner we were coming around - their (very drunk) parents were walking safely on a footpath adjacent to the road but way, way in front of the children.

The police came immediately (there was a separate issue so they were quite close by).

It is bloody dangerous to not supervise children properly.

SamVimes6 · 02/08/2021 10:30

Be brutal.

Tell her, publicly that one of her very young children came close to certain death due to parental neglect and if you see a 5y/o out unsupervised again, you WILL be reporting her to social services for child neglect.

Amaterasux · 02/08/2021 10:31

Social Services would be interested now

Forget the "if it carries on bit".

Dippydinosaurus · 02/08/2021 10:33

Shame on them for putting their children at risk. They may have just been defensive at the obvious being pointed out to them so publicly. Give it a few days as you may see them outside less once they've calmed down and seen sense

itsgettingwierd · 02/08/2021 10:34

I can't believe people are accusing you of being aggressive Shock

These kids could be killed. It only takes a delivery driver truck and then cycling out behind it or running out.

That's a dead kid and someone who has to live with that forever.

And I'm pretty sure it won't improve the mums MH either.

Now you've had a private chat with other neighbours so you think they'd be more willing to post publically every time it happens?

Bettyboopawoop · 02/08/2021 10:35

Ok so the mother has anxiety what stops the father watching them? If you report them to social services they will know it's you are you prepared for the backlash? Well done on having the balls to say and do something about it before one of the children end up getting run over

HaveringWavering · 02/08/2021 10:37

You did the right thing. Next step social services. It is 100% neglect to allow children that age to play alone on a road.

Amaterasux · 02/08/2021 10:38

OP You could also write and say "thanks to everyone who has also noted this lack of supervision, hopefully we won't come across this problem again"

That way the parents know other people have witnessed it too?

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear · 02/08/2021 10:38

YANBU. My DS is 5 and there is now way I would allow him to play out unsupervised and he is road aware. Way too young imo. Clearly the mum has no intention of doing anything so I would screen shot the conversation and report to SS.

HaveringWavering · 02/08/2021 10:39

Maybe you should take her up on her request that you PM her. Do that- tell her that her children could be killed and you have contacted SS about it.

HaveringWavering · 02/08/2021 10:40

And you also have the evidence from her messages (screen shot them) that they are leaving the kids unattended and it’s not a misunderstanding (eg Mum supervising from somewhere out of sight). You should show that to SS.

SirGawain · 02/08/2021 10:40

When her child is injured look out for a picture of the whole family in your local paper looking glum!

LadyCluck · 02/08/2021 10:41

YANBU

That’s neglectful parenting on her part. Do not feel like the baddie.

She’s the sort who will always look to blame others - if one of her kids gets hit by a car it will be everyone else’s fault but hers.

Next time you see them unsupervised, contact the Police and express a concern for unsupervised children playing in the road. That’ll get her a visit and a referral to social services. The poor kids deserve better than her.

Confusedandshaken · 02/08/2021 10:41

Send a public message ' I'm sorry if I caused offence, I was just worried about a possible accident. Thank god there was no harm done.' Than leave it.

HaveringWavering · 02/08/2021 10:42

@Confusedandshaken

Send a public message ' I'm sorry if I caused offence, I was just worried about a possible accident. Thank god there was no harm done.' Than leave it.
She needs to add “This time.” At the end.
Gilmorehill · 02/08/2021 10:43

Wasn’t she shocked that her child was almost hit by a car?

SirGawain · 02/08/2021 10:44

Her husband chimed in, she said I’m parent shaming her and she has anxiety
Some people deserve to be shamed, especially snowflake morons who won’t take responsibility for there own lives.

Original poster
WhatsAppening · 02/08/2021 10:44

Apparently they’re playing in the communal gardens right now. So maybe it’s sunk in?

OP posts:
OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 02/08/2021 10:44

I don’t want to be the cliched mn poster, but in this case I would be having a word with the local pcso or 101. They are obviously too young to be outside unsupervised and she knows it.

Marmitemarinaded · 02/08/2021 10:47

You lost your rag ridiculously prematurely in the discussion

You absolutely should have private messaged

OhNoNoNoNoNo · 02/08/2021 10:50

I lost my rag a bit and said just supervise your kids ffs and I’m not interested in a private chat

I think this bit makes you unreasonable. It comes across as unpleasant and pompous. Your initial post was ok though.

Kalvinette · 02/08/2021 10:50

@Marmitemarinaded
Well no. The woman deserved to be called out publicly

mbosnz · 02/08/2021 10:51

There's nothing wrong with parent shaming, when a parent is parenting in a shameful manner that leaves their children at high risk of suffering harm as a result of their poor parenting practices.

The parents cannot abdicate their duty of care to their children, to take all reasonable steps to adequately supervise their children and protect them from harm, to everyone else in society.

If she has anxiety, I would have thought she would be over protective, rather than negligent.

I'd be calling Social Services.