To have done this in ‘public’? Unsupervised kids.

[WhatsAppening]

NC for this as it’s incredibly outing.

For a few months now there have been two small kids playing in the road in our small estate. They have ZERO road sense. They have run in front of cars several times. They often just stop in the middle of the road in front of cars. They are 5 and 6 apparently.

Yesterday when leaving for work I had to slam on my brakes despite only going 5 mph round one of the three blind corners as the little girl sped into my path on her bike. I was really shaken, she was inches away from my bumper.

Not knowing who they belonged to I posted on the estate WhatsApp group to say what had happened, I said it’s not the first time (although the scariest) and that they need to be supervised.

The mum responded to say yeah but we live in a flat and they need outside play, and she can’t always be out there with them because she has to do housework.

I then got a flurry of private messages from other neighbours saying they’ve also had near misses and that the kids are sent out after breakfast and called in at tea time. Not one of them posted anything on the group.

Anyway I responded again saying that I appreciate they need outside time but that they need supervision. Got one line back saying ‘message me privately’.

I lost my rag a bit and said just supervise your kids ffs and I’m not interested in a private chat.

Anyway it all kicked off. Her husband chimed in, she said I’m parent shaming her and she has anxiety (not too anxious about the kids though are you hun) and basically left me feeling like the baddie.

So, was I being unreasonable to do this in the group? I had no idea who she was so couldn’t have messaged her to start with.

You’ve done the right thing. Report to SS if you see them in the road alone again so that you’ve done everything you possibly can to safeguard the kids

Until you got to the bit about them living in a flat, I thought you might be living on my parent's road! Same situation, parents send kids out to play in road, dgaf about them getting run over or the fact that the little girl has zero road sense and merrily cycles in front of and behind moving cars. The boys are slightly better, but not by much. The parents are rude and aggressive, and simply don't care that there's an actual dedicated children's play area less than 100m away for the exclusive private use of the very few houses in the road, which is very well kept and a beautiful space (rural, surrounded by fields, equipment rarely used so very good condition, enclosed and away from any public roads so as safe as play areas get). They'd rather their kids play in the road even with cars coming and going constantly. Some people are just morons, there's nothing you can do about it.

[quote Kalvinette]@Marmitemarinaded
Well no. The woman deserved to be called out publicly[/quote]
This isn’t the Middle Ages fgs.

The woman was obviously willing to discuss. She just wanted to do it privately.
But the op “lost her rag”
After just one exchange!

WTF? No this is dangerous. Would we leave 5 and 6 year olds out by themselves for 5 minutes in a road, let alone hours. No we would not. It's not the 1950s or 1800s when swarms of little child gangs roamed the streets.

Call police and report children alone in the street for hours. Ask if they're missing children. Only takes one predatory weirdo to come by and find them. And then what

I'd lose my rag too, if I'd had a very narrow miss of squashing two little kids, and the parents appeared to give absolutely zero fucks. And wouldn't want to be wasting further time on what was likely to be a whiney litany of weak excuses seeking to justify their irresponsible parenting.

She has no excuse if there is a communal garden available.
I would write a final statement in the group chat stating that you were not trying to upset anyone but the children are at great risk playing in the road unsupervised. You have had X number of private messages from neighbours stating they have had similar near misses with these children and you cannot simply ignore this any more, please ensure the children play in the communal garden and not the road or you will have no choice but to report to SS and community police.

Actually - call your local MASH team. Multi agency safeguarding hub. You can report. They will come out and visit

Tell SS. Email screenshots of the messages from the parents and the other neighbours that have almost hit them too.

"Parent shaming" - marvellous

They're just bloody lazy.

@WhatsAppening

NC for this as it’s incredibly outing.

For a few months now there have been two small kids playing in the road in our small estate. They have ZERO road sense. They have run in front of cars several times. They often just stop in the middle of the road in front of cars. They are 5 and 6 apparently.

Yesterday when leaving for work I had to slam on my brakes despite only going 5 mph round one of the three blind corners as the little girl sped into my path on her bike. I was really shaken, she was inches away from my bumper.

Not knowing who they belonged to I posted on the estate WhatsApp group to say what had happened, I said it’s not the first time (although the scariest) and that they need to be supervised.

The mum responded to say yeah but we live in a flat and they need outside play, and she can’t always be out there with them because she has to do housework.

I then got a flurry of private messages from other neighbours saying they’ve also had near misses and that the kids are sent out after breakfast and called in at tea time. Not one of them posted anything on the group.

Anyway I responded again saying that I appreciate they need outside time but that they need supervision. Got one line back saying ‘message me privately’.

I lost my rag a bit and said just supervise your kids ffs and I’m not interested in a private chat.

Anyway it all kicked off. Her husband chimed in, she said I’m parent shaming her and she has anxiety (not too anxious about the kids though are you hun) and basically left me feeling like the baddie.

So, was I being unreasonable to do this in the group? I had no idea who she was so couldn’t have messaged her to start with.

Same thing happens in my development all the time. Kids come flying down a steep hill on their bikes, straight onto the main road. Parents seem completely oblivious. Most drivers are extremely slow and careful but then you get delivery drivers treating the roads like Brands Hatch. Totally appreciate that some kids don't have a garden but teach them some road safety!

Better ‘shame’ than a squished kid. There’s a street behind our back door and an underground car park - steep slope and right bend (so cars zip up the slope and take a right with). There’s a house on the corner, and no pavements (just a gutter). It’s always expat rentals - but people have roads don’t they?

One day I was waking home and saw a toddler crouched down on the flipping blind side of the corner plating with his cars on the gutter.

I say the house door (opens right onto the street) was slightly ajar, couldn’t see anyone else around, so I tapped on the door. Mum answered and just looked at me like I was mad when I pointed to the child and said “oh did he get out? That corner’s really dangerous as cars whiz out...”

An unsupervised small child playing in the middle of the road, at risk of being run over?

I'd have stayed with her and called the police to hand the child over to a responsible adult.
The police could call themselves or report to whatever service.

Big up all the fucking private messaging neighbours who kept their gobs shut and looked the other way. I'd out them straight away

Hardly 'parent shaming' - what does that even mean?! More like taking issue with dangerous parenting decisions.

Tossing about empty and emotive phrases like 'parent shaming' doesn't help anyone, least of all the children that could end up under a vehicle due to lack of parental guidance and supervision.

Shame you can’t do a poll...

“AIBU to call social services on #27 whose kids are always in danger on the roads...”

Does she realise her children could be killed riding unsupervised on dangerous roads like that? Imagine if you hadn’t seen her in time or were driving faster 😨

If it carries on I’d report to social services or the non emergency police because it’s neglectful and the children are at risk of being seriously injured or killed. A chat with a police officer might get some sense into the mum (and the kids) about the risks of riding in the road.

What exactly is there to discuss in private though?

She's neglecting to supervise children who are below the age of road sense (8).

A message was sent to explain a possible fatal danger was being posed to kids.

The only things that needs to happen is the kids are supervised or play in communal gardens (which they are today).

There is no discussion needed. There is no alternative or compromise to be had here as it's about children safety against possible life changing injuries or death.

@Lweji

An unsupervised small child playing in the middle of the road, at risk of being run over?

I'd have stayed with her and called the police to hand the child over to a responsible adult.
The police could call themselves or report to whatever service.

that's exactly what I would have done, or would do next!

Well done OP for at least caring about the children when their own parents don't.. Housework above your own children? I don't even have any word.

Stop car. Shout in street for parent. If the parent can't see or hear make a call to Social Services about unsupervised children in x street. If all your neighbours did this then they will get someone coming to tell them that leaving children that young unsupervised is dangerous as as parents they are apparently not able to make that assessment themselves. Poor kids. My childhood was like that. Home is usually worse than random strangers trying to teach you road safety.

The woman was obviously willing to discuss. She just wanted to do it privately.

But there's nothing to discuss. It's not the OP's issue to get into beyond alerting the parents that it's a problem (which they should already know). The mum and dad needed to thank OP for flagging, stop making excuses and sort it out.

@RedHelenB

The last bit is what makes you unreasonable. No problem with pointing out that you had come close to hitting them but now you know they are often playing out and generalised it the only thing to do is to be really cautious when you drive in and out of your road.

Don't try to absolve the parents' neglect by implying it's the driver's fault! In these situations the only way to protect the children from their parents' neglect and disinterest is not to drive, at all and that's impractical. You can drive as slowly as possible, neglected children who enjoy playing chicken will jump out.

I would phone the police and report. They can take it from there. Small kids playing on roads is a police matter. The parents are idiots. Where's the concern for their kids' safety? All about the mum's "anxiety".

If a five and a six year old have no road sense whatsoever then either, both parents have neglected their children by not teaching them basic safety concepts, or their may be some sort of developmental delay or autism. However none of those scenarios excuse their lack of parenting or accountability. Sadly social services won't do anything if it's just that.

The 'best' solution would be the parents getting it together. Unfortunately it sounds like any actual solution would pretty much mean you having to do their job. Next time you see one of the kids in front of your car on the road, stop completely and get them onto a path (sorry OP as utterly shit as that is to do)

I would actually contact your local community police officer and ask them if they have any way of approahcing this? if they happened to stroll down the road when kids were out, and then wnet and atlkedto parents?

A child cannot judge the speed of an approaching car below the age of 10.
So they must be taught to not go in the road at all without an adult.

Report it.
Also take shots of the messages from the others who confirmed that their is an issue.

A child hit at even 10 mph can die of internal bleeding.

It sounds like an accident waiting to happen.