To have done this in ‘public’? Unsupervised kids.

[WhatsAppening]

NC for this as it’s incredibly outing.

For a few months now there have been two small kids playing in the road in our small estate. They have ZERO road sense. They have run in front of cars several times. They often just stop in the middle of the road in front of cars. They are 5 and 6 apparently.

Yesterday when leaving for work I had to slam on my brakes despite only going 5 mph round one of the three blind corners as the little girl sped into my path on her bike. I was really shaken, she was inches away from my bumper.

Not knowing who they belonged to I posted on the estate WhatsApp group to say what had happened, I said it’s not the first time (although the scariest) and that they need to be supervised.

The mum responded to say yeah but we live in a flat and they need outside play, and she can’t always be out there with them because she has to do housework.

I then got a flurry of private messages from other neighbours saying they’ve also had near misses and that the kids are sent out after breakfast and called in at tea time. Not one of them posted anything on the group.

Anyway I responded again saying that I appreciate they need outside time but that they need supervision. Got one line back saying ‘message me privately’.

I lost my rag a bit and said just supervise your kids ffs and I’m not interested in a private chat.

Anyway it all kicked off. Her husband chimed in, she said I’m parent shaming her and she has anxiety (not too anxious about the kids though are you hun) and basically left me feeling like the baddie.

So, was I being unreasonable to do this in the group? I had no idea who she was so couldn’t have messaged her to start with.

Get

@MyDcAreMarvel

There is an awful lot of very naive posters on this thread. SS are not going to visit because two young children are playing out.

They definitely would.

These children are 5 and 6 years old and are outside all day with no parental supervision whatsoever. That's neglect.

They're not playing in an enclosed garden, or out on the green with mum supervising from a bench. They are totally unattended and anything could happen.

Why do you think SS wouldn't be interested?

If kids are now playing in the garden you did a good thing. I'd still report to SS!

@Constellationstation

I think you should have started messaging her privately when she asked you to. If you were interested enough to post it and care enough about the children why weren’t you interested in having a private conversation? Was it just showboating for everyone else’s benefit?

What conversation would I have with her? More ridiculous excuses?

As a 17 year old I was stood at the kitchen sink, washing up watching the world go by on the road outside. I heard a thud, looked up and saw a resusci-anne doll (a training aid back in the day for resuscitation) fly through the air. Except it wasn't a resusci-anne doll. It was a 4 year old who had been sent out to play with his slightly older brother. The older kids were playing 'Chicken' and the 4 year old joined in. The driver who hit him didn't stand a chance as the boy ran into the nearside front sidelight on his car. The child landed a a few yards up the road and he didn't stand a chance either. I was first on scene and that scene lives with me today at the grand old age of 57. The reactions of the parents when they arrived on scene (before the police or ambulance) still haunt me. That day affected so many lives, the driver was a little older than I was and as far as I know he has never driven again, he did a spell in a psychiatric hospital as a result and I know I still have flashbacks to that day so I have no idea how the driver, the sibling and the parents cope.

You did the right thing.

@ApolloandDaphne

You asked if SS would be interested. The answer to that is yes they would. Especially if you explain everything as said here. They are not being supervised safely and someone needs to have a word with the parents.

Absolutely. And the fact that she thinks it's even a reasonable excuse to put 5 and 6 year olds to play out all day so she can do housework is a massive red flag that something is wrong, it doesn't make sense.

You need to report for the sake of the children. I'd stay really quiet on the WhatsApp after that, though, because they'll definitely blame you if you go further.

we have a range of ages playing in our area and they're adorable, I just drive at a snail's pace

Adorable? Why, because they’re small kids playing in the road unsupervised?

Highly dangerous for the kids. Not every driver will know to go at a snail’s pace.

I hate seeing kids play in the roads, especially whizzing down the middle of the road on scooters, or kicking balls from one side to the other. It’s annoying for all the residents nearby as well as a massive hazard.

Some kids were messing about in the road outside my house the other night, dusk, banging their scooters over their heads in an arc and yelling to each other. One came close to hitting my car with his scooter so I went out and told them off. Both looked about 5 and unleashed a torrent of swear words at me until DH came out and asked them where they lived, then our neighbour came out to say he was also fed up with their racket!

Living in a flat is no excuse for letting kids play in the road amongst the traffic, or disturb people in residential areas. That’s why we have parks and playgrounds. If parents can’t be bothered to take the kids out for supervised exercise, and let them play in the road instead, that’s neglectful.

She should be anxious that her poor parenting can get her kids killed.Hopefully now she knows everyone is aware she will keep her children safe. You may have saved these kids. You did exactly the right thing.

The children are neglected. Report to social services. Shitty parents don't just have one shitty aspect of their parenting.

Make sure you have front and rear dashcams in case they do come very close again.

Well done. Our old office used to be in the middle of an estate where there were a number of unattended pre school children who were daily turned out to play in the streets. They used to dump their bikes and scooters behind our cars, so we would have to clear them before we could go out in our cars. How the children did not get run over I don't know. One day I had to leave in a hurry and forgot to clear behind my car, resulting in 3 scooters being crushed.

YANBU. I wouldn't want a discussion either. It's not your responsibility to 'discuss' parenting issues with her. You highlighted that her kids are at risk and it's now on her to do something about it, not have some kind of debate with you about it. If anything, it's a bonus that it wasn't done privately as you now know that it's not a one off.

Same happens on the estate I live on, and I genuinely can't believe that none of the kids who live here have been hurt. 101 sent a community officer around once but nothing else as far as I know.

You really need to report it. Those children are at risk.

@Constellationstation

I think you should have started messaging her privately when she asked you to. If you were interested enough to post it and care enough about the children why weren’t you interested in having a private conversation? Was it just showboating for everyone else’s benefit?

Discuss what? Why the OP doesn’t think it’s a good idea to put children in serious ongoing danger? She has said all she needs to say.

Seriously if they are out all day from breakfast to teatime and by the parents own admissions they are not supervising a 5 and 6 year old because of either housework or anxiety report to social services. They are neglecting their children.

Offence is the commonest form of defence.

Mostly used by those who have no excuse.

If this happens often then the children are at risk and therefore needs reporting. If you don't report and something happens how would you feel? Different if it was a once off incident but not all day everyday.
Anything could happen to them including wandering off or meeting someone who would take advantage.

@chemenger Ooh I don’t know, she could have said something like ‘I’m not interested in having an ongoing discussion about this, but I’ve had several other neighbours message me privately about it as well. I don’t want something to happen to your children and I don’t think it’s safe for them to play on a road with traffic going up and down’ Instead she chose to publicly say ‘For fuck’s sake supervise your children’ and was then upset that they reacted badly.

You did the right thing OP.

[quote Constellationstation]@chemenger Ooh I don’t know, she could have said something like ‘I’m not interested in having an ongoing discussion about this, but I’ve had several other neighbours message me privately about it as well. I don’t want something to happen to your children and I don’t think it’s safe for them to play on a road with traffic going up and down’ Instead she chose to publicly say ‘For fuck’s sake supervise your children’ and was then upset that they reacted badly.[/quote]
People like the parents in this situation will never bloody shut up though. OP made her point and doesn’t need to stick around to listen to more sob stories. She wasn’t in the wrong at all.

If she is still doing this please report her OP.

@bloodywhitecat

As a 17 year old I was stood at the kitchen sink, washing up watching the world go by on the road outside. I heard a thud, looked up and saw a resusci-anne doll (a training aid back in the day for resuscitation) fly through the air. Except it wasn't a resusci-anne doll. It was a 4 year old who had been sent out to play with his slightly older brother. The older kids were playing 'Chicken' and the 4 year old joined in. The driver who hit him didn't stand a chance as the boy ran into the nearside front sidelight on his car. The child landed a a few yards up the road and he didn't stand a chance either. I was first on scene and that scene lives with me today at the grand old age of 57. The reactions of the parents when they arrived on scene (before the police or ambulance) still haunt me. That day affected so many lives, the driver was a little older than I was and as far as I know he has never driven again, he did a spell in a psychiatric hospital as a result and I know I still have flashbacks to that day so I have no idea how the driver, the sibling and the parents cope.

You did the right thing.

This. You did the right thing OP. Anyone that thinks different is, if I'm honest, deluded. Whilst you know that children will randomly run/cycle out into the road and therefore drive accordingly, a delivery driver/visitor etc may not. I can't imagine sending my 6 year old out to play in traffic.

You 100% did the right thing

Having a private conversation,which would either be a sob story or excuses, isn't going to help anyone. All the OP wants to say is watch your kids because they are in danger. It doesn't matter to random drivers why these kids are in daily danger- they just need to prevent this in future before the worst happens. If Mum can't look after the girls because of anxiety then dad needs to work on another solution.

YNBU. We have a 2 houses on our street exactly the same. The only reason none of their young unsupervised kids have been ran over yet is because the drivers always stop just in time. I fear its only a matter of time before a poor driver doesn't manage to and of course it'll be all their fault.

By swearing and sounding unfriendly it has helped them frame you as the baddie, they are wrong but you have lost the battle in a sense by sounding a bit nasty.