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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have done this in ‘public’? Unsupervised kids.

189 replies

WhatsAppening · 02/08/2021 09:43

NC for this as it’s incredibly outing.

For a few months now there have been two small kids playing in the road in our small estate. They have ZERO road sense. They have run in front of cars several times. They often just stop in the middle of the road in front of cars. They are 5 and 6 apparently.

Yesterday when leaving for work I had to slam on my brakes despite only going 5 mph round one of the three blind corners as the little girl sped into my path on her bike. I was really shaken, she was inches away from my bumper.

Not knowing who they belonged to I posted on the estate WhatsApp group to say what had happened, I said it’s not the first time (although the scariest) and that they need to be supervised.

The mum responded to say yeah but we live in a flat and they need outside play, and she can’t always be out there with them because she has to do housework.

I then got a flurry of private messages from other neighbours saying they’ve also had near misses and that the kids are sent out after breakfast and called in at tea time. Not one of them posted anything on the group.

Anyway I responded again saying that I appreciate they need outside time but that they need supervision. Got one line back saying ‘message me privately’.

I lost my rag a bit and said just supervise your kids ffs and I’m not interested in a private chat.

Anyway it all kicked off. Her husband chimed in, she said I’m parent shaming her and she has anxiety (not too anxious about the kids though are you hun) and basically left me feeling like the baddie.

So, was I being unreasonable to do this in the group? I had no idea who she was so couldn’t have messaged her to start with.

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 02/08/2021 11:25

There is an awful lot of very naive posters on this thread. SS are not going to visit because two young children are playing out.

stayathomer · 02/08/2021 11:26

You were definitely being unreasonable and it's a pity everyone didn't chime in. Saying that I'm sorry it's also a pity you didn't engage with them, some people need the talking to to see sense (not saying that's right just the way things are)

stayathomer · 02/08/2021 11:27

Sorry I meant they were being unreasonable!!! You were totally reasonable!!!

Marriedtothesilverfox · 02/08/2021 11:28

I’d contacr social services, those children are at risk

Vanilla1Cookies · 02/08/2021 11:28

I would of done the same thing and I don’t think you were aggressive.
She’s a crap parent and doesn’t care about her kids by the looks of it.

gogohm · 02/08/2021 11:33

The initial post was fine, I wouldn't have replied to her response publicly however much I felt it because that is publically shaming "supervise your kids" bit. If it continues, after all she is aware that they are causing a problem, I would call social services or the police to state there's two very young unsupervised children outside and leave it to them

BFrazzled · 02/08/2021 11:37

You are not supposed to leave a 6 and a 5 year old unsupervised - cars are just one of the issues. How is it even a question? Call the police.

BFrazzled · 02/08/2021 11:39

@MyDcAreMarvel

There is an awful lot of very naive posters on this thread. SS are not going to visit because two young children are playing out.
Seriously?? Surely it is against the law to leave children this age unsupervised?
ApolloandDaphne · 02/08/2021 11:46

@MyDcAreMarvel Actually I posted saying OP should report this and I am a retired SW. I think giving there was a near miss and the children are playing out all day while their parents are in a flat and not supervising SS may well pop out and speak with them. Usually they might call the school/nursery first to find out if there are any issues but they are closed now. I have made loads of visits like this over the years.

mynameisbrian · 02/08/2021 11:46

The law is clear that it is against the law to leave a child alone if it puts them at risk. This usually relates to being at home alone however given the two kids are on their own and at risk of being run over - would seem sensible to contact SS to raise concerns about their safety. Or you can all as a group of neighbours complain to each other privately about having nearly knocked them over and wait until one is....

Sceptre86 · 02/08/2021 11:48

Something very similar happened on our estate last week. Kids were running out in the road infront of cars on purpose. One neighbour posted very apologetically on the estate Facebook page, 'It's great to see kids playing outside especially after the year they have had but if your kids are playing at the bottom of the estate can you have words as they are running in the road infront of cars. Like I said I know it's just kids being kids but would hate for any of them to get hurt'. Most parents didn't bother responding, the one that did thanked the original poster for alerting her to the fact and had called her kids in. All the kids were under about 7 years old and the youngest looked about 3. This is an estate with decent sized gardens, green spaces and a small adventure playground. Why can some parents just not supervise their kids?

Yanbu and she clearly isn't that anxious if she chucks her kids out unsupervised all day. I absolutely would report to ss, both parents need to get a grip.

Likeitornot1 · 02/08/2021 11:51

I'm not sure if you live where I do but was just about to post a very similar thread about 2 children playing unsupervised and what could be done as parents are just completely oblivious to the fact their children could get SERIOUSLY hurt one day. But I am not on a group chat so think it could be separate incident.
Anyway, I'm shocked that nobody else said anything if they feel the same way. If more than one person says something it shows that it is a problem and not just one person having a moan.
You did the right thing and the parents are idiots! I'm sure she can supervise them for a bit, go in and then go back out later. It's different if they were playing sensibly, but they are not!

ChainJane · 02/08/2021 11:53

Make sure you have a dashcam, in situations like this the presumption will always be that the driver was at fault even if the child jumps out in their path from behind a parked car.

There are lots of irresponsible parents out there and it's a numbers game - sooner or later someone will knock a child down. You just need to make sure that if it's you, you have the footage to show you were driving carefully and braked promptly.

LaBellina · 02/08/2021 11:54

They sound incredibly entitled and their behavior has in the end probably caused a lot more anxiety for them then simply admitting they were at fault for not keeping an eye on their kids and apologizing for the nuisance so far. Also, what about your anxiety and the anxiety of your neighbors, each time you get in your car and hope it won’t result in an accident this time.
Your final response wasn’t great but overall I would say YANBU as I completely understand how annoying it must be to get the response that you did from them after what had happened earlier today. You’re right, there’s nothing to discuss privately, the point was clear but you could have picked your choice of wording it a bit more carefully.

m0therofdragons · 02/08/2021 11:55

Ss might not care but police on 101 will. I had a malicious report about my parenting re leaving dc in the car unsupervised (they were asleep, it wasn’t hot at all and my friend in the car park next to us was watching them as I collected dc1 from school and was out of site for last than 2 minutes). Police followed up that day and spoke to me. Was very professional and appropriate in your circumstances.

PollyDarton1 · 02/08/2021 11:56

My son is nearly 5 and I don't let him out of my sight when outside. He has reasonable road sense and makes sure he looks before crossing but in no circumstances would I leave him to play all day without supervision.

We've got a family nearby that let their 3 year olds play in the estate and its seconds from a main road. The mum sits on the doorstep on her phone (fine, we all need downtime) and it frightens the life out of me when I pass and see the little girl running around with no shoes on - personally I couldn't do it because it's so close to a main road, but at least she's moderately supervising.

3scape · 02/08/2021 11:58

Theyre not playing out though, theyre outside all day. I WAS removed from my parents for neglect. It will not be the only thing going on.

onelittlefrog · 02/08/2021 12:00

You were right to raise it but should have just messaged her privately when she asked you to rather than responding aggressively.

Obviously the kind of parent who lets a 5 year old play in the road unsupervised isn't going to be totally "together" and will probably have a load of excuses/ defenses. You need to be the adult and not get drawn into tit-for-tat.

So you message her privately and explain that children need to be supervised and you're concerned for their safety. If nothing changes, you go back again and say the same thing. Give it a few days, if still nothing changes, you say that you are concerned and that you might need to contact social services because you are worried about the kids' safety. If still nothing changes, you contact social services. Keep a record of the messages and all the times you have asked her to watch the children, and also the messages from other parents stating they are concerned.

The likely outcome would be that social services would just go round and ask her to keep a closer eye on her kids, but sometimes people listen to that more than other parents.

You remain polite and dignified through the whole thing and don't get drawn into swearing and aggression.

itsgettingwierd · 02/08/2021 12:00

@MyDcAreMarvel

There is an awful lot of very naive posters on this thread. SS are not going to visit because two young children are playing out.
If they are running out into the road and risking facility - yes they will.

I reported someone for this. There 3yo was coming in and out of their house and across the road to the park alone. Their older siblings were in the park (6&8).

I narrowly missed her one day and told the parents.

When a week later they hadn't changed the set up I reported.

5 days after the kid was never out alone (nor the 6yo) to cross the road - so someth8ng must have been said.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/08/2021 12:04

There is an awful lot of very naive posters on this thread. SS are not going to visit because two young children are playing out yes they do.

I think you were unreasonable to swear and lose it OP but I understand why.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/08/2021 12:05

** yes they will

Theworldisquiethere · 02/08/2021 12:11

I had a similar situation with a neighbours kids, talking to her didn’t help so I reported to mash (multi agency safeguarding hub). It turned out social services were already involved and she came very close to losing the kids but she’s getting a lot more support now. I think you should report as the mum is clearly struggling

Gilmorehill · 02/08/2021 12:13

@mbosnz

I'd lose my rag too, if I'd had a very narrow miss of squashing two little kids, and the parents appeared to give absolutely zero fucks. And wouldn't want to be wasting further time on what was likely to be a whiney litany of weak excuses seeking to justify their irresponsible parenting.
Exactly my sentiments.
EspressoDoubleShot · 02/08/2021 12:17

You’ve escalated this into an online confrontation via WhatsApp and now you're all faux indignation and how did that happen?
You were right to be upset/alarmed by the poor safety
You were wrong to escalate into a personal attack. Of course neighbour partner is going to respond when you’ve attacked her

HaveringWavering · 02/08/2021 12:18

@Pinkdelight3

The woman was obviously willing to discuss. She just wanted to do it privately.

But there's nothing to discuss. It's not the OP's issue to get into beyond alerting the parents that it's a problem (which they should already know). The mum and dad needed to thank OP for flagging, stop making excuses and sort it out.

This. There is nothing more to say.