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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 8 week old baby for the weekend?

390 replies

SheABitSpicyToday · 22/07/2021 10:30

My best friend is having her hen weekend 8 weeks after I’m due to give birth. Will likely be more as I think I’m being induced early. It’s only 20 minute drive away and am taking my own car so can be home if I need to be or can get taxi.
Husband is actually looking forward to having the weekend to bond with baby by himself. Didn’t think anything was wrong until my sister said it was a disgusting thing to do and that the baby will be traumatised by it. I think she’s being Ott but do you think this is a terrible thing to do?

OP posts:

WillowintheUK · 22/07/2021 10:32

Assuming you’re not breast feeding, or if you are, you’ve managed to express enough for the time you’re away, why not? It’s the baby’s father, not some stranger.

However, there’s a fair chance you won’t want to leave your baby when he or she is so young.

Miliao · 22/07/2021 10:33

Let your sister worry about her own children. It’s your baby, you know what’s best. They definitely won’t be traumatised by being looked after by their dad!!

Babynames2 · 22/07/2021 10:33

Your sister is stupid. The baby will not be traumatised in the slightest, and it’s good for your DH to get used to looking after the baby himself.

I had a university study weekend when DD was 10 weeks old. I was at home of an evening but gone Friday, Saturday and Sunday from 8-6. DD was not even remotely traumatised.

shouldistop · 22/07/2021 10:34

I personally wouldn't have left either of my babies and at that age it would have been impossible due to breastfeeding.
I do know others who have happily left them though so it's down to personal choice. If you're not breastfeeding and your husband is very involved in the baby's day to day care then the baby will be totally fine.
At 8 weeks post partum I was still recovering from childbirth and definitely wouldn't have wanted to be away from home but you might have a quick recovery and feel great.

IncludeWomenInThePrequel · 22/07/2021 10:34

Traumatised, fuck off!

The baby will be looked after by its other parent, it'll be absolutely fine.

You may not want to go or you may be desperate to go. It's hard to tell.

Both my kids had their first sleepover with their grandparents when they were 8 weeks old and seem to have survived untraumatised.

zoeydollie · 22/07/2021 10:35

If you have an easy birth and don't breastfeed it should be doable.

So long as dad has done 50% of the care in the first 8 weeks it won't be traumatic for the baby.

NewYearNewTwatName · 22/07/2021 10:36

Well I think it's not something you can decide on until you have your baby.

for some morhers once the baby arrives it can feel really distressing to leave their baby's at that age for that amount of time, for others its doable.

I Think you'd be better off warning your friend that you may not be joining them all weekend, but a bonus if you do.

Havaword · 22/07/2021 10:36

Is this your first child? I wouldn’t have felt comfortable leaving my child for the whole weekend at 8 weeks old but I wouldn’t judge anyone who did. Also for me I was still exhausted and physically recovering but everyone’s different.

pinkcircustop · 22/07/2021 10:36

Well I couldn’t have imagined leaving my 8 week old. They’re so tiny and I wouldn’t have wanted to be away from them.

89redballoons · 22/07/2021 10:37

I probably wouldn't have done this but it totally depends. If you're breastfeeding it will be pretty much out of the question, so I assume you are planning to bottle feed.

You might still be recovering after a C section, you might be absolutely shattered, you might have a baby who only settles in the sling with you and you might not want to leave anyway... or it might be fine. You just don't know at this stage though.

Could you perhaps go for the Saturday daytime but not stay over? That kind of takes the pressure off on both sides. (If it's only a 20 minute drive you could get a taxi if you'll be drinking?)

MrsN100 · 22/07/2021 10:37

I wouldn't do that at 8 weeks, leave my baby for a party of all things. A weekend away is just far too long. I'm with your sister on this.

bonbonours · 22/07/2021 10:37

As above, no way I could have left mine or would have wanted to due to (constant) breastfeeding. But if you are not breastfeeding then it's possible I guess. Whether you will want to is another matter.

choosername1234 · 22/07/2021 10:37

It won't be traumatic for the baby, they will be cared for by a parent who loves them & is responsive to their needs.

However, I wouldn't have wanted to leave my baby. The tiredness was unreal but so too was the overwhelming love & need to protect them in a way I could only do by being there with them. I simply wouldn't have wanted to go away from my tiny baby.

2LostSoulsSwimmingInAFishBowl · 22/07/2021 10:38

Your sister is being really out of order speaking to you like that. Who the fuck does she think she is?

Assuming you’re happy to leave the baby (with their father!) and the father is confident in his ability to take care of the baby by himself (you know as the baby’s father…) then crack on. But be aware that when the time comes you might not want to leave the baby. Or you might be counting down the days til you get a break and a chance to hang out with your mates and think and talk about something other than baby related stuff.

Roselilly36 · 22/07/2021 10:39

Of course you baby won’t be traumatised by it! My advice would be to see how you feel when baby arrives. Personally I wouldn’t have left either of my my babies at that age, even with DH taking care of him. But do what’s right for you OP.

Anotherhill · 22/07/2021 10:41

I couldn’t have done it, and as the baby isn’t here yet then it’s fair enough for your sil to flag up that it may not be possible depending on the baby. ( not in her words though!) Until the baby is here you have no idea how you will feel about it. If it’s only 20 mins away, couldn’t you go for bits of it but not all?

riotlady · 22/07/2021 10:41

Honestly it will probably be more traumatic for you than the baby! As others have said, see how you feel when baby’s here, hormones are a hell of a drug and some people struggle more than others to be aprt from their baby.

I left DD overnight when she was 8 weeks btw, she was absolutely fine.

Halfwaytoholiday · 22/07/2021 10:41

I couldn't have done it, both dc would have really struggled and a crying upset baby isn't a great way for a dad to bond. You have decided to ff, I hope not because of the hen weekend! Is a one night visit an option? I would have thought this would be possible before having my dc too, I do know people who had much easier babies than mine who could have done it! But if your sister has this attitude, how would you enjoy the weekend anyway?

cinammonbuns · 22/07/2021 10:42

Love how Mumsnet is all for equal parenting for women and men until it’s a situation like this. Yes it is perfectly fine. A man would not think twice about leaving their child with the mother at 8 weeks.

Dishwashersaurous · 22/07/2021 10:42

You won't know how you feel until baby is here.

If you have a c section you can't drive for six weeks or so afterwards.

And if you are breastfeeding then you physically won't be able to leave for a weekend

Candlecandlesss · 22/07/2021 10:42

Your baby definitely won't be traumatised if they are used to being around their dad prior to this however like others, it would have been impossible for me to leave my baby at 8 weeks due to breastfeeding (I've only just left him for the night for the first time at nearly 2 years 🤣)
I think it's a decision you can't make until baby is here - it's easy to say you could leave them now before baby is here but you don't know how you'll feel once they are.

Halfwaytoholiday · 22/07/2021 10:43

Equal parenting doesn't mean ignoring the needs of the baby though. 8 weeks is not the ideal time. Obviously mothers have to go into hospital etc so it isn't always avoidable.

iklboo · 22/07/2021 10:44

You have decided to ff, I hope not because of the hen weekend!

Oh yes, that would have been the first, foremost and only reason OP made her feeding choice. Makes perfect sense.

Candlecandlesss · 22/07/2021 10:44

@cinammonbuns but most of the posters have said it's perfectly fine for baby to be left with dad, but if you're breastfeeding then it's almost going to be impossible, that's just a fact!

Cloudninenine · 22/07/2021 10:44

I think you should wait till the baby is here. If you feel happy about it then it’s fine, but I definitely wouldn’t have been able to leave my baby at 8 weeks. I had to leave him for a day at 10 weeks for surgery and I found it so distressing.

See how you feel - everyone is different! You may be totally ok with it, you may not. Either is fine, it just depends on your feelings.

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