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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave 8 week old baby for the weekend?

390 replies

SheABitSpicyToday · 22/07/2021 10:30

My best friend is having her hen weekend 8 weeks after I’m due to give birth. Will likely be more as I think I’m being induced early. It’s only 20 minute drive away and am taking my own car so can be home if I need to be or can get taxi.
Husband is actually looking forward to having the weekend to bond with baby by himself. Didn’t think anything was wrong until my sister said it was a disgusting thing to do and that the baby will be traumatised by it. I think she’s being Ott but do you think this is a terrible thing to do?

OP posts:

Ozanj · 22/07/2021 11:19

If you express then make sure your DH knows not to feed baby the whole lot in one go. Breastfed babies should take in no more than 20ml of expressed breastmilk per feed.

AutumnLeafDance · 22/07/2021 11:19

Babies need their mothers close by to go on to become securely attached little people who can then happily spend a night or two away from their mum. This isn't the time to be going away.

doadeer · 22/07/2021 11:19

The baby won't be traumatised but you might find it very hard.
Personally I couldn't have done this I just wouldn't have wanted to and I was breastfeeding and still sore from c section.

TooOldandTired · 22/07/2021 11:20

Your sister is a dickhead, of course your baby will be fine with either parent for a weekend.

I couldn't have done it, both dc would have really struggled and a crying upset baby isn't a great way for a dad to bond. You have decided to ff, I hope not because of the hen weekend!

As for this shite - hope you don't fall off your high horse @Halfwaytoholiday

NerrSnerr · 22/07/2021 11:20

@Ozanj

If you express then make sure your DH knows not to feed baby the whole lot in one go. Breastfed babies should take in no more than 20ml of expressed breastmilk per feed.

I don't think expressing would work if the baby is EBF but where did you get the 20ml figure from and why?

JudgeJ · 22/07/2021 11:20

@zoeydollie

If you have an easy birth and don't breastfeed it should be doable.

So long as dad has done 50% of the care in the first 8 weeks it won't be traumatic for the baby.

It will be good for him to have the responsibility and the company of his baby, too often fathers are side-lined by the mother who then complains he does nothing!

WhatMattersMost · 22/07/2021 11:21

Read up on infancy attachment and bonding, OP. I really don't think it's a good idea at all.

PicturesOfLily · 22/07/2021 11:24

I ebf and went out for a meal when dd1 was 8 weeks old. 2 hours was enough away from her as I really missed her and my boobs were uncomfortable. I had expressed a bottle for dh to give her but she wouldn’t take it and was unsettled until I got home. Dd2 is 20 weeks old and I haven’t left her for more than an hour as she is very clingy and won’t settle for anyone other than me (also ebf). I don’t think there is anything wrong with your plan but given my experience, I would wait until baby is here before committing.

LH1987 · 22/07/2021 11:24

Haha 😂 some people are so dramatic! Ignore her.

I do think I wouldn’t have wanted to go anywhere 8 weeks after giving birth. I was tired and just felt gross. But maybe you will feel differently.

Ozanj · 22/07/2021 11:24

@NerrSnerr - lactation consultant advice when I was expressing for a baby of a similar age. More than 20ml of expressed has the same effect as formula in stretching stomachs and putting babies off breastfeeding. If you want a baby to comfortably feed across bottle and breast they shouldn’t have more than 20ml from a bottle in one go per feed. You give them a break and top up. So like they would do on the breast if you offered both.

cinammonbuns · 22/07/2021 11:25

@Halfwaytoholiday you responded with something completely irrelevant to me what I said. Obviously most women would still be at home 2 months post broth: that does not mean that they are the primary caregiver especially if their husband takes split paternity leave or pulls their weight when they come back form work. I am not arguing for the sake of it. If you are stills tuck in the 1950’s then that’s you don’t push that restrictive narrative into other peoples.

NerrSnerr · 22/07/2021 11:25

@Ozanj ah a similar age! It just read that babies shouldn't have more than 20mls which seemed like a daft blanket rule.

Mixmeup · 22/07/2021 11:26

I definitely wouldn’t do it. I think you might feel differently when you’re a mum so give yourself some wiggle room to get out of it.

Flittingaboutagain · 22/07/2021 11:26

If your baby isn't used to having milk apart from from you directly then you'd need to do some work on cup or bottle feeding first. If you have a difficult birth you may still be healing and baby may have special feeding needs like mine. I personally wouldn't leave my newborn for this amount of time even if feeding was sorted because of the attachment implications others have referred to.

rhowton · 22/07/2021 11:27

I left for a hen party when my DD2 was 7 weeks old. DH is a 50% parent, sometimes more, and was more than happy and capable of having a weekend solo parenting his two children. Men wouldnt think twice about leaving their wives and going off on a stag do, I dont know why it would be any different (except if you were breastfeeding) for mums.

Murfs · 22/07/2021 11:29

Your plan sounds really sensible! I think 8 weeks after you might look forward to getting out and enjoying yourself. Maybe give you friend a heads up incase you change your mind and manage their expectations. Ignore your sister what an eijit! And don't feel guilty for a little time away from baby if you can get away. It will be great for your husband to have thea time too

Mayhemmumma · 22/07/2021 11:29

No way with my first I was a mess. but second baby was a good sleeper (to begin with!) and I recall a night out even though I was breast feeding when he was six weeks old...if he was bottle fed i could have left him for a weekend but as much as practically it would have worked I would have worried and missed him too much.

You'll have to see how you feel after the birth , do what you are comfortable with

5475878237NC · 22/07/2021 11:29

@NerrSnerr
@Ozanj can you post some evidence of this as I believe it is wrong.

I have been told that it is a protein in breast milk itself that tells baby when they are full so 20ml is an arbitrary limit.

TooOldandTired · 22/07/2021 11:29

Op, some of these messages are nuts. Your baby will most definitely not be traumatised by spending a night or two with their dad at 8-10 weeks old. As you have said you are only 20 mins away so can even pop back to see him/her if you are missing them. Honestly, mn is really not the best place to get advice on this and neither is your sister by the sounds of it. You will know yourself how you feel when the time comes around but please do not believe the BS on here about your baby being traumatised, it is simply not true. The reality is many mothers are back at work after 8 weeks and their babies are absolutely fine.

user1491404899 · 22/07/2021 11:30

Your sisters an idiot. Go have fun!

Nsky · 22/07/2021 11:31

One day enough

Needsleep32 · 22/07/2021 11:31

Baby won’t be traumatised at all, but you may find that you don’t want to go. Maybe book and decide nearer the time (making that clear to the hen).

ScrollingLeaves · 22/07/2021 11:31

I wouldn’t do this, but if you do make sure your DH spends a huge amount of tome with baby, doing everything you do through the day every day right from birth. That way the baby will be used to his touch and smell and not miss you so much.

pleasedonttextmyman · 22/07/2021 11:32

@Nonmaquillee

No chance I would have left any of my babies at eight weeks, not for anything or anyone in the world.

so what? Many parents have to leave a baby to go back to work, not all couples can take 8 weeks off.

If the OP doesn't want to leave the baby, she doesn't have to.
If the baby is staying with his dad, what's the problem?

Funny how no one insults a father who doesn't spend 24h a day with a baby, but then expect equal parenting

Nettleskeins · 22/07/2021 11:33

It isn't a terrible thing to do but I don't think you will enjoy the hen weekend much. It seems an odd thing to do when you might be breastfeeding and a very odd factor in deciding whether to breastfeed or not ..re convenience of getting away.

Your husband can look after the baby most of the weekend and you can go for a short visit to your friends and then come home after a few hours...do not be bullied into this by fear of letting your friend down.

I wouldn't expect a dad to go off on a stag weekend at 8 weeks EITHER

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