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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 8 week old baby for the weekend?

390 replies

SheABitSpicyToday · 22/07/2021 10:30

My best friend is having her hen weekend 8 weeks after I’m due to give birth. Will likely be more as I think I’m being induced early. It’s only 20 minute drive away and am taking my own car so can be home if I need to be or can get taxi.
Husband is actually looking forward to having the weekend to bond with baby by himself. Didn’t think anything was wrong until my sister said it was a disgusting thing to do and that the baby will be traumatised by it. I think she’s being Ott but do you think this is a terrible thing to do?

OP posts:
FilthyforFirth · 22/07/2021 10:53

I personally wouldnt, but I wouldnt judge you. I assumed I would be ok being away from my baby. My mum looked after him for a few hours at 5 weeks old so we could go our to dinner. I hated it and we left early! I did an overnight without him at 6 months and even then I was itching to get back!

I'd wait until baby is here to decide as you honestly dont know how you will feel. Though either choice is valid and fine.

cinammonbuns · 22/07/2021 10:54

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

Course they are cinnamon but an eight week old baby had one bond with a primary caregiver and that is usually the mum. Because that’s who’s given birth and often breastfed. Tiny babies are different from older children. All their needs are with mum.
Nope, I disagree. ‘All their needs are with their mum’ Confused. A baby at that age needs to be fed cleaned and comforted. A father can do that perfectly well.
qazxc · 22/07/2021 10:54

It's entirely up to you.
You are leaving your child with their father, who I assume is a capable adult that can feed, change and clothe the baby.
She is being OTT.

Marmitemarinaded · 22/07/2021 10:54

@Halfwaytoholiday

I went away for the night at 10 weeks

That baby is now 9, and curled up on my lap reading m, twiddling MY hair around her finger as I’m trying to work!

I think we’re on Smile

NerrSnerr · 22/07/2021 10:54

I wasn't ready for this with my children but if you feel ok about it then go for it. The only difficulty would be breastfeeding- I don't think you could leave them if EBF.

cinammonbuns · 22/07/2021 10:55

@NewYearNewTwatName I’m not talking about those posters I’m talking about the ones who are saying that the baby needs their mother and that the father is not suitable to care for them for a weekend.

Seesawmummadaw · 22/07/2021 10:55

I think disgusting and traumatic and slightly over the top but you might feel differently when the baby arrives.

It also depends on the birth, the baby etc.

Maybe wait and see how you feel before you commit. The fact that you are close to home makes it easier for all of you.

NerrSnerr · 22/07/2021 10:56

It's absolutely ok to leave the baby with their dad if all parties are happy. It's also absolutely ok not to.

Everyone is different and feels different 8 weeks post birth.

Lou98 · 22/07/2021 10:58

My baby is 9 weeks old now and has been on a couple of overnights at MIL's. My partner works away and it's to give me a break to catch up on some sleep. Loads of people will say that's terrible and you shouldn't want to leave them and they should be glued to your hip for at least the first year if not more, but personally I had no issue leaving him, I love him and miss him of course but I trust the person I'm leaving him with and he's perfectly happy. It's healthy to have some alone time too, especially after 9 months of pregnancy.

Go for it, enjoy the weekend and don't worry about what anyone else thinks about it, your sister is being ridiculous

PRsecrets · 22/07/2021 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crowsaregreat · 22/07/2021 11:00

She's being ott but I'd say you probably won't want to go. I felt very anxious leaving my baby behind just to go for a walk round the block at that point, a whole weekend would have been too much. Your hormones make you very protective and fearing the worst if you're not with the baby. Not uncommon to wake in the night thinking you've lost the baby etc. Plus at eight weeks you might be very very tired and wouldn't want to leave DH to cope on his own. See how it goes!

anguauberwaldironfoundersson · 22/07/2021 11:01

Jesus Christ, so much judgement on this thread.

I left my DD with her father for 36 hours when she was 8 weeks old. It was a long standing, once in a lifetime thing I couldn't rearrange and as difficult as I found being away from her, I still managed to enjoy myself.

Things to note

*I did my DH's head in calling/texting every 1-2 hours. I missed them both so much and wanted to make sure he was coping. I face timed them often too.

*DD was an "easy" baby. I had no qualms leaving her. Although not all babies are the same of course!

*DD was bottle fed. We never managed to successfully breastfeed so that was one less worry.

If you want to go, go! If you feel you can't then don't. You won't know how you feel until your little one is born. Don't let anyone make you feel like a bad parent.

DD is 2.5years now. She has no clue I was away when she was tiny. She had her Dad with her and her needs were met.

Halfwaytoholiday · 22/07/2021 11:01

[quote cinammonbuns]@Halfwaytoholiday and what basis are you assuming that the mother is the primary carer considering the baby has not even been born yet.[/quote]
Oh come off it what proportion of mothers are back at work full time less than two months after the baby is born?
Some people are just arguing for the sake of it.

Xlalalaladdd · 22/07/2021 11:01

I actually found it a lot easier to leave my baby when he was little (FF) than now he's a toddler and crying for his mummy. When they're really little they just need feeding, rocking, keeping warm etc so there's no reason not to go if you're feeling up to it. I personally found it saved my mental health in the first few months to have a break away. It was all consuming and I didn't appreciate the assumption that I should have to/want to be with my baby 24/7

BeeDavis · 22/07/2021 11:02

Me and my fiancé have a night away booked about 11 week after I give birth and I don’t think we’d be disgusting to leave our baby for the night! We already booked the trip before falling pregnant and my mum is very excited to look after baby and it will be nice for us to have a night off I imagine!! I don’t understand the whole attitude around not being able to leave babies when they’re young..

whatsmyusername · 22/07/2021 11:02

Sat here with 9 week old DS2. Physically I'd be able to I had a quick natural birth no section etc. Mentally I'd probably be OK for 1 night but 2 would be hard, If I had to I could but I wouldn't choose to. Baby would be fine I'm sure, although he does settle better for me than Dad and Dad is here every day all day at the moment so well bonded and he also sleeps well.

You say its 20 mins away so why cant you go for the evening and drive home early or stop 1 night? I honestly think you won't want to be away 2 nights even if it was possible and I think you will find stopping over at all hard. You will still be in a bit of a haze and adjusting to life with a new baby especially if its your 1st.

We are lucky our DS sleeps well and has already settled into a routine, I be absolutely gutted if I lost that because I was not here for 2 nights, sleep is so precious at this age. Although DS would be fine and really not care if he started waking me up 3 times a night again. Just have to ask yourself is it really worth it? I'd certainly look to join them for the day/evening possibly both but still come home of a night so you still feel included and have played a part in the celebrations but still get to cuddle and bond with your baby every day.

NewYearNewTwatName · 22/07/2021 11:03

cinammonbuns when you first commented though I think everyone had said similar that at that age they didn't "want" to leave the baby and sister was being OTT.

but it is fast moving thread and I see some have since commented on primary care givers and stuff, so carry on cinammonbuns Smile

3WildOnes · 22/07/2021 11:03

I think if you are formula feeding and baby has spent equal amounts of time with your baby prior to going then it would be fine.
It wouldn’t have worked for me, I was breastfeeding and because I was on maternity leave and my husband was back at work babies main attachment was with me so a weekend away would have been pretty upsetting at that age.
I probably wouldn’t have done it until 1. A single night away from four months was fine as I was combi feeding by then.

TheKeatingFive · 22/07/2021 11:03

No judgement here, everyone is different. However …

If you are ebf this probably isn’t possible at 8 weeks
You may not have made sufficient recovery from birth to properly enjoy yourself
You may feel differently when baby arrives.

I wouldn’t make any hard commitments yet, it’s a difficult one to call.

anguauberwaldironfoundersson · 22/07/2021 11:04

Oh come off it what proportion of mothers are back at work full time less than two months after the baby is born?
Some people are just arguing for the sake of it.

In the USA maternity leave can be as little as 6 weeks before mums go back to work.

I have several friends where dad is the primary care giver. All kids seem well adjusted and happy

Paddingtonsmarmlade · 22/07/2021 11:04

I don't think I'd of wanted to leave one at that age but if you're comfortable with it then there is no problem doing it. Baby will be well looked after by their dad.

3WildOnes · 22/07/2021 11:04

Equal amounts of time with your husband I meant!

mindutopia · 22/07/2021 11:05

If you aren't planning to bf, it sounds absolutely fine. I left my first (who was ff) for a full day at 12 weeks. Realistically, you may not want to when the time comes or may just be too knackered for a full hen weekend. But your baby will be fine.

Halfwaytoholiday · 22/07/2021 11:05

Is the OP in the US? I don't imagine most American babies are cared for by the dads if the mother returns after 6 weeks either.
You are proving my point; some people are arguing just for the sake of it. It is absolutely the norm for the mother to be the primary caregiver at 8 weeks post birth.

Candlecandlesss · 22/07/2021 11:06

@BeeDavis I agree that there shouldn't be judgement about leaving baby when they're young if you can and want to - but it would be impossible if EBF which is what many have said as a reason they couldn't.

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