To leave 8 week old baby for the weekend?

[SheABitSpicyToday]

My best friend is having her hen weekend 8 weeks after I’m due to give birth. Will likely be more as I think I’m being induced early. It’s only 20 minute drive away and am taking my own car so can be home if I need to be or can get taxi.
Husband is actually looking forward to having the weekend to bond with baby by himself. Didn’t think anything was wrong until my sister said it was a disgusting thing to do and that the baby will be traumatised by it. I think she’s being Ott but do you think this is a terrible thing to do?

@BFrazzled

It was disingenuous or silly of @BFrazzled to compare a breastfed baby to one calming itself down in a bouncer while their mum 'pops off' on holiday. It was literally the wording of not one, but several people on this thread regarding their own babies...(while women who don't do so were called martyrs etc)

My martyr comment was pointing out that mums do not have to be with their baby every minute of every day. I didn't say that any mum who doesn't go on a childfree holiday is a martyr, as is being implied in your post. I severely doubt anyone has said that, although I may have missed a post or two.

For someone very sure of their argument you do a lot of ignoring or misrepresenting the points you don't want to address.

@BFrazzled

But why do you feel that I have a sense of superiority about not wanting to leave the baby? That was just a reality for me and some other people on this thread. I do dislike it when people are dismissive of this.

This is my point. You're asking why people thought you had a sense of superiority. Many people have said you do. If you can't read back over your posts and see that your tone and wording is incredibly patronising and judgemental then I give up!

Can't believe 40% of people said you are BU, for fucks sake, the baby will be with their father. I bet those 40% wouldn't bat an eyelid if Daddy was going away for the weekend

Go, enjoy your weekend, the baby will not be traumatised

@BFrazzled

But why do you feel that I have a sense of superiority about not wanting to leave the baby? That was just a reality for me and some other people on this thread. I do dislike it when people are dismissive of this.

Well it's not my problem that you lack such a basic level of self awareness.

@youvegottenminuteslynn

Look, there are several opinions on this thread.
Some posters share that they were not able to leave a baby at this age. This was also my personal experience with my three kids. This had nothing to do with my husband not being hands on, but simply with the biological fact that a breastfed baby at this age needs his mother to soothe him.I think that this is an experience that one should be able to share without being called "smug", "a martyr" etc.

Some other posters reacted to this very negatively and sometimes rudely: in their experience it worked just fine to leave a baby with a relative for a few days to go on a break so anyone saying it wasn't so for them must be pretending, being a martyr, having unsupportive husband etc. There was also a claim that babies won't feel a difference at this age, which simply isn't true. My posts that you are reacting to are in this context. In particular I would have never myself used the words "leave in a bouncer" and "pop on holiday", to describe anyones experience - in fact I personally find this language jarring. However this was literally how the experience was described by posters themselves. There was sometimes evidence provided that the baby turned out ok 5/10/20 years later which honestly I don't think is relevant but lead to the house/uni discussion.

I am not really sure how to react to your suggestions for improving my tone, etc - I think you are getting a bit too personal. It is an internet forum, everyone expresses themselves to their best ability and according to their online persona (which isn't identical to their real life one).

I hope this explanation helped.

I went to a festival when my son was about 8 weeks. I very nearly bottled it but my husband convinced me to go. I had an AMAZING time and my son and husband were absolutely fine.

Go for it I'd say!

You might miss your baby but if the baby is with its other parent it will be fine. A breast feeding mother would not be able to do this at 8 weeks though.

@BFrazzled

But you were being smug, HTH

It's totally up to you. You might be too knackered but see you feel. Have a brill time if you go!

[quote BFrazzled]@youvegottenminuteslynn

Look, there are several opinions on this thread.
Some posters share that they were not able to leave a baby at this age. This was also my personal experience with my three kids. This had nothing to do with my husband not being hands on, but simply with the biological fact that a breastfed baby at this age needs his mother to soothe him.I think that this is an experience that one should be able to share without being called "smug", "a martyr" etc.

Some other posters reacted to this very negatively and sometimes rudely: in their experience it worked just fine to leave a baby with a relative for a few days to go on a break so anyone saying it wasn't so for them must be pretending, being a martyr, having unsupportive husband etc. There was also a claim that babies won't feel a difference at this age, which simply isn't true. My posts that you are reacting to are in this context. In particular I would have never myself used the words "leave in a bouncer" and "pop on holiday", to describe anyones experience - in fact I personally find this language jarring. However this was literally how the experience was described by posters themselves. There was sometimes evidence provided that the baby turned out ok 5/10/20 years later which honestly I don't think is relevant but lead to the house/uni discussion.

I am not really sure how to react to your suggestions for improving my tone, etc - I think you are getting a bit too personal. It is an internet forum, everyone expresses themselves to their best ability and according to their online persona (which isn't identical to their real life one).

I hope this explanation helped.[/quote]
As I say, if you can't see why people reacted the way they did to your tone in multiple posts then that's your prerogative.

Starting posts with 'Look,' is an example of being combative.

You think you've been reasonable and expressed yourself appropriately on this thread. Others don't.

Horses for courses.

Your comment re not thinking being a home owner at 20 was something to celebrate was from a place of privilege and dripping in disdain for people who may not have the financial backing of their family to budget for uni or simply not wish to go into higher education.

If you can't see how that came across, that's up to you!

It's not a terrible thing to do DB and SIL were leaving both their babies with my parents overnight at that age, but I wasn't ready at all. The first time I left DS over night he was over a year and that was with DH. I would've told you before I had him that I'd be fine to leave him

My husband is very competent and had adjusted his working pattern the same way I have to be available for childcare. DS was breastfed but would happily take a bottle of expressed milk. He settles just as well for DH as he does for me. I just didn't want to leave my baby overnight before I did and I don't appreciate being called a martyr for that.

[quote BFrazzled]@Millionnewnames
I buggered off to Ibiza when she was 12 weeks old. She’s perfectly happy and has her own home at 20.
Nothing wrong with having your own home at 20, but by most people standards a 20 year old with functioning parents should ideally be in university dorm, rather than working to pay a mortgage. In the same vein, spending time predominantly in bouncer isn't ideal, and Ibiza is usually less appealing at this stage in life...[/quote]
Wow. Just wow.

This is the most ridiculous, judgemental and pointlessly nasty thing I have ever read on here.

Obviously wait and see how you feel, but I left DS1 with DH and went on a 3 day hen weekend in Miami when he was about 9 or 10 weeks old.

I was breastfeeding as well, had pumped a shit ton for the freezer anyway, and took my pump with me to alleviate any engorgement. I had an amazing time, and DS and DH were absolutely fine without me.

Of course I missed him, but took it as an opportunity to remember that I was a person and not just a new mum.
The only downside was waking up with a hangover and needing to pump. Bleurgh...

I think given you're only up the road, you may feel totally ready to go ahead and take the time for yourself. But DO NOT feel bad if you're not ready to do so.

If you're definitely not going to be breastfeeding then there's absolutely no reason not to go, and I think it's wonderful that your husband is excited about having the opportunity to bond with the baby. Of course the baby won't be traumatized! It will be with its parent.