To leave 8 week old baby for the weekend?

[SheABitSpicyToday]

My best friend is having her hen weekend 8 weeks after I’m due to give birth. Will likely be more as I think I’m being induced early. It’s only 20 minute drive away and am taking my own car so can be home if I need to be or can get taxi.
Husband is actually looking forward to having the weekend to bond with baby by himself. Didn’t think anything was wrong until my sister said it was a disgusting thing to do and that the baby will be traumatised by it. I think she’s being Ott but do you think this is a terrible thing to do?

Clearly you aren't as maternal as other folk are, not that there is anything wrong with that. But yeh, I wouldn't want to be without my little baby for a weekend and I'm sure they'd prefer you to be around too. But I'm sure you'll have fun at the hen do.

Shame for your baby really, with that attitude they'd probably benefit from you not being there for a while.

@Babynames2 it can be quite tricky to determine if baby is happy or stressed because babies cannot tell you. So they could have been the same since the down of time but our knowledge of them (what we think of them) has changed. It happened with many things, not just with babies (you can probably think about examples yourself)

But I have to tell you, even without tricky scientific words like "attachment" and "separation anxiety" (which by the was haven't been with us since the down of time but are rather recent concepts) I have seen enough babies who refused to settle without mother for a long time and the whole experience has been stressful for the baby and the person trying to settle it. It is true, they haven't tried to stick a boob in babies mouth...but I think for most purposes this won't be practical.

Nope OP . Your sister is talking bollox. I have left all of mine at that age for weekends away with DH, a family party and for a minor operation. Each was between 6-10 weeks. DH or Granny stepped in.

They are now in their 20s and no one has needed trauma therapy !

Don't let the mummy martyr brigade stop you from living a life that isn't all consumed by motherhood. It doesn't make you a 'better' mother - in fact in most cases it makes you a much more annoying one.

Enjoy your hen party.

Wait to decide until you actually have your baby in your arms. How you imagine you would feel and how you will actually feel is totally different. I didn't want to leave my baby, and said no to any invitation to do anything. I also had a cesarian section. And I didn´t breast feed, I just wanted to dedicate that time to being with baby. Your friend will probably divorce and have another hen some years down the line, so nothing lost.

@youvegottenminuteslynn well yes, this was obviously intentionally rude in response to intentionally rude poster who wrote something to the point of babies being near vegetables guzzling their milk in bouncers oblivious to their surroundings. Why is it ok to be sneeringly rude towards one way of parenting (where breastfed babies and mother share a bond for the first year of life) but not to the other (where a happy bottle fed baby calms himself down in a bouncer while mum pops off for a holiday for her mental health)?

@Babynames2 I don't believe you, sorry.

Your friend will probably divorce and have another hen some years down the line, so nothing lost

What a fucking weird thing to say.

I couldn't have been bothered personally but your baby will be fine - if you are happy then go and enjoy yourself!

it can be quite tricky to determine if baby is happy or stressed because babies cannot tell you

Of all the bollocks I’ve read on MN - and there’s been plenty - this takes the biscuit. Babies are hardwired to make it impossible to not notice when they’re unhappy - they bawl. Very loudly. Trust me, they definitely tell you!

Tiny babies are very simple organisms. They need to be fed, warm, clean and cuddled. When their needs aren’t met they make it clear in a very effective way that’s difficult to ignore.

@DifferentHair Well okay, hardly going to post my qualifications here. But I think people are confusing attachment (which forms over time) with a babies innate survival instincts, which can be met by anyone. A mom could go back to work as soon as she wanted and have a dad (or other person) meet those needs and the baby would not be traumatised, they would develop that primary caregiver attachment to whomever provided that main care. And more recent research has actually suggested that babies are capable of attaching to more than one person earlier than was thought a few decades ago.

[quote BFrazzled]@youvegottenminuteslynn well yes, this was obviously intentionally rude in response to intentionally rude poster who wrote something to the point of babies being near vegetables guzzling their milk in bouncers oblivious to their surroundings. Why is it ok to be sneeringly rude towards one way of parenting (where breastfed babies and mother share a bond for the first year of life) but not to the other (where a happy bottle fed baby calms himself down in a bouncer while mum pops off for a holiday for her mental health)?[/quote]
It wasn't just one post though, your posts throughout the thread have had a similar tone which has made people react negatively to you. Isn't it worth you considering that might be something to work on to communicate more effectively instead of focusing your energy on being 'intentionally rude' to people you feel deserve it? You were patronising and sneering about people's life choices in plenty of posts previous to that one.

You've also ignored my point that owning a home at 20 shows someone has worked hard, earned well and taken their responsibilities seriously. That was a chance for you to perhaps say yes, those are positives to show that you can see merit in decisions that don't involve higher education.

If lots of people have an issue with the way you express yourself, it's always worth reflecting on why that is. Either they are all getting the wrong end of the stick or you are expressing yourself poorly.

@BFrazzled

where breastfed babies and mother share a bond for the first year of life

Formula fed babies also share a bond with their mother for the first year of life. It’s not like sticking a bottle in its mouth means it doesn’t bond to the mother. And I have no issue with breastfeeding, having breastfed myself, but saying stuff like that makes it sound like breastfeeding makes a superior bond compared to formula feeding.

[quote Babynames2]**@BFrazzled

where breastfed babies and mother share a bond for the first year of life

Formula fed babies also share a bond with their mother for the first year of life. It’s not like sticking a bottle in its mouth means it doesn’t bond to the mother. And I have no issue with breastfeeding, having breastfed myself, but saying stuff like that makes it sound like breastfeeding makes a superior bond compared to formula feeding.[/quote]
This. I was adopted at a few months old and funnily enough had a bond with my mum for the first year of my life too... and the following thirty and counting!
It was disingenuous or silly of @BFrazzled to compare a breastfed baby to one calming itself down in a bouncer while their mum 'pops off' on holiday. Because the baby in this scenario will be with its father. You know, the other parent in its life who is perfectly capable of keeping the baby feeling safe and loved instead of leaving it in a bouncer to calm itself down if distressed!

Good on your DH you read too much on here that men won't step up and women who haven't had a night away from their DC ever. I left mine and continue to do so and there is no trauma here. Go enjoy the weekend and don't give it a second thought.

Not a terrible thing to do at all! Go for it. Baby is and will be perfectly fine!!

I feel like there's so much judgement on the mother to always be with the newborn 24/7 and I'm expecting my first in a couple of weeks and already feel like this, I actually have a day trip planned when they're around 8 weeks also, just go for it and enjoy yourself!!!

I do think that the husbands competency massively effects people’s views on this issue.

[quote Babynames2]@BFrazzled

where breastfed babies and mother share a bond for the first year of life

Formula fed babies also share a bond with their mother for the first year of life. It’s not like sticking a bottle in its mouth means it doesn’t bond to the mother. And I have no issue with breastfeeding, having breastfed myself, but saying stuff like that makes it sound like breastfeeding makes a superior bond compared to formula feeding.[/quote]
Well as we see from the responses on this thread formula feeding makes it possible to easily leave the baby with another caregiver whereas with breastfeeding this is quite complicated for both baby and mother. So clearly and strictly in this sense there is bond which is present with breastfeeding and absent with formula. Whether this bond is somehow "superior" is up to your interpretation.

It was disingenuous or silly of @BFrazzled to compare a breastfed baby to one calming itself down in a bouncer while their mum 'pops off' on holiday.
It was literally the wording of not one, but several people on this thread regarding their own babies...(while women who don't do so were called martyrs etc)

@BFrazzled

It was disingenuous or silly of @BFrazzled to compare a breastfed baby to one calming itself down in a bouncer while their mum 'pops off' on holiday. It was literally the wording of not one, but several people on this thread regarding their own babies...(while women who don't do so were called martyrs etc)

You missed the end of my comment in that quote. Here it is again:

Because the baby in this scenario will be with its father. You know, the other parent in its life who is perfectly capable of keeping the baby feeling safe and loved instead of leaving it in a bouncer to calm itself down if distressed!

You seem very angry and on a mission to be combative with posters who pointed out your tone and phrasing is patronising and judgemental. Again, as I've repeatedly said now, if multiple people take issue with the way you express yourself, it seems sensible to self reflect rather than continuing to express yourself in the same way.

You still haven't acknowledged that owning a home at 20 is something that someone should be proud of. It shows great work ethic, obvious earning potential and a brilliant attitude to saving. You dismissed it in a post that many posters felt made out that any choices other than higher education are lesser than. They aren't. They are different. Not everyone wants to or can go to uni.

You clearly speak from a place of privilege where you don't realise how flippant your comment about that not being much of an achievement is. It's a ridiculous thing to have said and you've dodged challenges on it rather than reflecting and recognising that it is in fact an achievement someone's parent would naturally be proud of.

Oh and when people are 'intentionally rude' to me, it's not my default to be 'intentionally rude' back like you said you were doing. Lowering yourself to what you perceive to be nasty and rude is really immature.

It's quite pathetic to have a sense of superiority over never wanting to leave your baby's side. It's perfectly okay to make a choice either way, but to act sneery, judgemental and holier-than-thou about it? Do you want a fucking medal BFrazzled or should we perhaps kiss your feet?

But why do you feel that I have a sense of superiority about not wanting to leave the baby? That was just a reality for me and some other people on this thread.
I do dislike it when people are dismissive of this.

If it’s not obvious to you then you’re a lost cause. Dont usually do this but I AS your username and you’re like it on every other thread too.

At that age the baby won't know its arse from its elbow or we really aware of who's looking after it so it certainly won't be traumatised. If anything, it would be harder to leave it when it's older.

So clearly and strictly in this sense there is bond which is present with breastfeeding and absent with formula

Utter nonsense. It’s nothing to do with a bond and everything to do with logistics - you can’t take your tits off and leave them at home for the baby.

@Blossomtoes

it can be quite tricky to determine if baby is happy or stressed because babies cannot tell you

Of all the bollocks I’ve read on MN - and there’s been plenty - this takes the biscuit. Babies are hardwired to make it impossible to not notice when they’re unhappy - they bawl. Very loudly. Trust me, they definitely tell you!

Tiny babies are very simple organisms. They need to be fed, warm, clean and cuddled. When their needs aren’t met they make it clear in a very effective way that’s difficult to ignore.

It's really not as simple as that. There are other ways that babies respond to stress - to sleep, for example.