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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 8 week old baby for the weekend?

390 replies

SheABitSpicyToday · 22/07/2021 10:30

My best friend is having her hen weekend 8 weeks after I’m due to give birth. Will likely be more as I think I’m being induced early. It’s only 20 minute drive away and am taking my own car so can be home if I need to be or can get taxi.
Husband is actually looking forward to having the weekend to bond with baby by himself. Didn’t think anything was wrong until my sister said it was a disgusting thing to do and that the baby will be traumatised by it. I think she’s being Ott but do you think this is a terrible thing to do?

OP posts:
TheChosenTwo · 22/07/2021 11:06

Haven’t read the other comments, if you’re both happy then go and have a lovely weekend! You are the parents, you’re leaving your baby with its father, not a psychopathic child eater Confused

NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 22/07/2021 11:07

Depends on the mum, the dad and the baby so you really can’t predict how it will go.

I don’t consider myself especially maternal but I struggled to leave mine for an hour’s driving lesson. Others return to work at that stage.

miltonj · 22/07/2021 11:07

Not for a whole weekend when they're that young, I wouldn't. But I don't think they'd be traumatised. But you'll only know how you feel when you have had the baby.

CremeEggThief · 22/07/2021 11:07

I couldn't have done it at that age, as DS was in the cluster-feeding-all night-stage still, but I know plenty of mums who have had their first night out or let their baby stay overnight with other family long, long before 8 weeks (I admit I did judge the mum who left her 10 day old to go to a rave/dance weekender). Your sister was horrible to say that to you. YANBU.

Emsie1987 · 22/07/2021 11:08

Baby will be fine as long as your husband knows what he is doing and has already bonded with the baby.

I think the question you need to ask is will you be okay. I will still healing 12 weeks after giving birth. I did go out to tescos on my own and went round a friends for drinks from quite early on but would not have wanted to stay out over night. Each to their own but I think you need to wait to see how you feel once you have had the baby before committing.

Twokitstwokats · 22/07/2021 11:08

Absolutely no way I could have left mine at that age. I would not have wanted to. You need each each other in my experience. Those precious early days are short.

Ifonlyidknownthen · 22/07/2021 11:09

When my first dc was 8 weeks old I went to London with my oh for the wknd on his works Xmas party, we live up north, so not exactly close. My mum had her. We had a lovely time and it was so nice to sleep without being woken up and nice for me and oh to spend some time alone together. That dc is 15 this year and is perfectly happy, healthy and well balanced child that wasn't left scarred for life. Funnily enough she doesn't even remember it 😜. Go and enjoy it. Noone would be batting an eyelid if it was the dad having a wknd away!

Lockheart · 22/07/2021 11:09

I don't think you're being U at all. But I would caution that you may feel differently once the baby is here, so perhaps play it by ear?

Also can we please stop with "tiny baby"? All babies are tiny, they're babies. It's an emotive mawkish redundancy which sets my teeth on edge.

Notaroadrunner · 22/07/2021 11:10

I went away for a weekend when Ds was 6 weeks. I'd had a c section and could drive at that stage. Dh managed perfectly fine with him and our other kids. Your sister is being ridiculous. See how you are nearer the time but don't for one second think you are doing anything wrong by going.

PinkiOcelot · 22/07/2021 11:11

I very much doubt your baby will be traumatised but I bet you don’t want to leave him/her when the time comes.
If it’s only nearby, do you need to stay over?

TheMoth · 22/07/2021 11:11

I was bf at that point, so couldn't have done it. Dh and I went out for an afternoon 6 weeks after dc was born and I kind of felt like an invisible elastic stretched taught between me and dc until I could get back. I'm not maternal in the slightest, but that was kind of an instinctive pull.

Don't think dc cared though.

With my 2nd, I did an all dayer- late late when she was 3 months old. Will never forget having to express, pissed, because I thought my boobs were going to explode. Interestingly, I didn't feel the same pull.

MonsterJammin · 22/07/2021 11:11

DH and I left ours for an overnight with their grandparents at that age or younger whilst we had a night out so I can't see the issue leaving the baby with it's own dad.

With DS1, DH went to Dublin (so a plane ride away, not 20 mins in a car) for 2 days for a work Xmas party when he was about 10 weeks old and no-one commented. It's just mothers who have to want to be glued to their baby or else they'll be judged.

CornishGem1975 · 22/07/2021 11:11

"Traumatised" is ridiculous. I was hospitalised a few weeks after birth and my baby had to stay at home with my DP. Was the baby traumatised from that? Not bloody likely!

That said, I couldn't have willingly left my baby at 8 weeks as I would have found it a bit of a wrench, although it would have been tempting just to get some sleep... Physically I could have as I was bottle feeding and his dad is more than capable.

Doesn't make you a bad person OP if you do, and baby won't even bloody notice as long as you're not breastfeeding.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 22/07/2021 11:12

I think it’s hard to imagine how you’ll feel until your baby is actually here. There is nothing wrong with you leaving them with their dad but you may well be amazed at the intensity at 8 weeks.

Megan2018 · 22/07/2021 11:13

It’s not something I could have pr would have wanted to do, no. 8 weeks is tiny. But I was breastfeeding so it wouldn’t have been possible.
I really doubt you will want to be separated from your baby. I wouldn’t leave mine overnight now and she’s nearly 2!

Pancakeorcrepe · 22/07/2021 11:13

Baby will be absolutely fine!
But you may not want to leave baby when the time comes. As it is nearby, could you join the day activities and come back in the evening?

olidora63 · 22/07/2021 11:15

As long as you and partner are ok about it I really wouldn’t care what others think . You will only be 20 mins away and it is great that Dad wants to be so involved .

Hadjab · 22/07/2021 11:15

@WhenZoomWasJustAnIceLolly

Course they are cinnamon but an eight week old baby had one bond with a primary caregiver and that is usually the mum. Because that’s who’s given birth and often breastfed. Tiny babies are different from older children. All their needs are with mum.
Nope, I disagree. You’re basing this on breastfed babies. Bottle fed babies can be looked after by technically anyone, and most 8 week olds are not fussy to the point of only needing their mums, and if they are, then it’s a rod the mums have made for their own backs.
anguauberwaldironfoundersson · 22/07/2021 11:16

@MonsterJammin

DH and I left ours for an overnight with their grandparents at that age or younger whilst we had a night out so I can't see the issue leaving the baby with it's own dad.

With DS1, DH went to Dublin (so a plane ride away, not 20 mins in a car) for 2 days for a work Xmas party when he was about 10 weeks old and no-one commented. It's just mothers who have to want to be glued to their baby or else they'll be judged.

This!

Cosybelles · 22/07/2021 11:17

Sounds wonderful, you'll be so ready for a break after eight weeks! As long as your baby is as bonded with your DH, which they can be if he does his fair share in the first eight weeks, it'll be absolutely fine. Put it another way - would anyone suggest an eight week old baby would be traumatised if the dad was away for the weekend? No!

PingedAgain · 22/07/2021 11:17

Absolutely no judgement from me - your baby will be loved and cared for by its Dad! However, I wouldn’t commit to a trip away until after the birth and settling in period.

I would have been gagging for a weekend away 8 weeks after my first baby was born. The idea of some time to myself and a lie-in would have been blissful! I’m face, I did raise a few eyebrows when I left him aged 5 months with his grandma for a week and accompanied DH o a business trip to NYC. But he was spoilt to bits and had fun, and I had a fantastic break, so sod nosey naysayers.

However, I felt really differently after DC2 was born. My attachment to her felt different and I couldn’t bear to be away from her at all, not even for a few hours, until she was well in to her first year.

It really will be about how YOU feel and whether you’ll enjoy a trip say without your baby, as your baby will be fine and well looked after whatever!

Ozanj · 22/07/2021 11:17

@SheABitSpicyToday

My best friend is having her hen weekend 8 weeks after I’m due to give birth. Will likely be more as I think I’m being induced early. It’s only 20 minute drive away and am taking my own car so can be home if I need to be or can get taxi. Husband is actually looking forward to having the weekend to bond with baby by himself. Didn’t think anything was wrong until my sister said it was a disgusting thing to do and that the baby will be traumatised by it. I think she’s being Ott but do you think this is a terrible thing to do?
Are you planning to breastfeed? If so you should start trying to express as soon as your milk comes in. You will need approx 750ml expressed breast milk per day that you are gone which is totally doable. Your DH can feed baby milk with a spoon if they don’t accept a bottle.
PingedAgain · 22/07/2021 11:17

Excuse typos 😡

Nonmaquillee · 22/07/2021 11:18

No chance I would have left any of my babies at eight weeks, not for anything or anyone in the world.

Indoctro · 22/07/2021 11:19

I don't think it's great to be honest

Baby needs it's mum, the baby will definitely miss you and feel you not be around. If it absolutely is needed fine but I'm not sure a night out is really needed.

No I wouldn't leave a young baby personally, I think your sister has a point.

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