Baby crying on the train

[Beldb]

I'm on the train and there's a young looking couple (not judging) and a baby in it's pushchair. The baby has been crying for about 5 minutes. The poor mum is trying to settle the baby but the dad is just ignoring it and he's on his phone!!

If this was my husband and he wasn't helping I'd tell him to get off his phone and help!

I can't believe what I'm seeing

Lead a quiet life do you?

We promised our dc a trip to York, prob 2019 when we were allowed!! A woman, possibly the dgm of a toddler deliberately kept his buggy just out of reach of him holding on the entire hour journey... I sat on my hands to stop me jumping up and shoving the buggy closer!! Some people just live in their own selfish worlds...

YABU to be honest. As long as one or other of the parents is taking care of it then it's fine. For all you know the dad might have been up all night taking care of it or was desperately searching for symptoms the baby was suffering from that you weren't aware of.

Also, have you checked he's definitely the father? And not a brother or just the current BF?

@FortunesFave

Lead a quiet life do you?

To think the dad should be helping the poor mum?

I agree with you OP. Talk about lack of solidarity

Would you judge them so much if you knew the baby breastfed and would only ever settle for the mum?

Maybe he's a family member or friend? Maybe he's a new partner and not the baby's father?

Not saying any of those are the situation... But it could be and you'd never know from a glance. It sounds like you may have made quite a few assumptions.

I don't know...depends if she needs practical help -ie can you grab the dummy out of the bag whilst I get him out of the buggy or if its "help" ie not doing anything particularly useful, just faffing for the sake of not leaving her to it iyswim?

99% of the time, settling a baby for 5 mins isn't really a 2 man job

5 minutes is nothing. Maybe he had a headache or something. He might have been up all night with the baby for all you know. You can't judge from a snapshot. You're very reactive by the sound of it.

Also, have you checked he's definitely the father? And not a brother or just the current BF?

Or some random bloke who just happens to be sat next.

If he is the father anyway what do you expect him to do? The mum is trying to settle the baby, do you think two people rocking the pushchair and shushing is going to make things any better?

I do get it, worse than that I've experienced the only adult, or both adults ignoring children on buses, trains, in restaurants etc in favour of looking at their little screens, extended periods not 2 mins to deal with something urgent. My pet hate, along with hanging kids phones to keep them quiet rather than interacting with them. I know I sound judgemental on this but my friend is a speech and language therapist and says it's a ticking time bomb, kids direct is getting later and she's convinced lack of conversation, including the one sided ones you have before they are verbal are to blame

He could be a male friend or relative who has not dealt with babies before. Or he could be a lazy useless dad. Either way, you can't do anything about it.

YABU. Do you not have anything better to do?

When our kids were small, DH and I were like those rain/weather clocks with the man and woman who alternated when they were in and out. Totally pointless to both be tired and miserable.

Maybe Dad's been allocated the journey home?

As long as one is seeing to the baby I see no harm.
I always find two people fussy over one baby makes it worse.

You don't know he's the Dad.

It only takes one person to settle a baby FGS

What do you expect him to do?

Settling a baby after 5 minutes isn't a 2 person job.

Aren't you judging?

I settle our baby when he cries, he has a brain injury and if both DP and I tried to settle him it would cause him even more distress. If DP is already doing the settling I leave him to it unless he asks to swap. Does it take two people to settle a crying baby?

YABU and you are judging. Settling a baby isn’t a two man job and it hasn’t been long at all.

Sounds utterly unremarkable. Did you find two adults necessary to care for a small crying baby?

I wouldn't find myself judging at all in this situation. Although you would probably judge me as when my husband is around my son won't settle for anyone but him so I'd probably be the one on the phone in this situation.

I'm not judging, I'm just saying he could be helping her. The baby is now on her lap and he's still crying but the man is just ignoring them with his earphones in on his phone!

And for those saying don't I have anything better to do, I can't help but notice if I'm on the train aswell.

YABU. You don’t know anything about their circumstances including whether he is even the father of the baby.

There would never have been any point in DH trying to console DD2 as it would have just wound her up and made her worse. He always did his equal share in other ways though.

I think you are judging. If you’re that concerned the mum isn’t being supported a friendly word to her about what a good job she’s doing/what hard work babies are would be nice rather than posting here.