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AIBU?

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Original poster

Baby crying on the train

185 replies

Beldb · 15/05/2021 13:33

I'm on the train and there's a young looking couple (not judging) and a baby in it's pushchair. The baby has been crying for about 5 minutes. The poor mum is trying to settle the baby but the dad is just ignoring it and he's on his phone!!Shock

If this was my husband and he wasn't helping I'd tell him to get off his phone and help!

I can't believe what I'm seeing

OP posts:
Original poster
Beldb · 15/05/2021 16:19

@ThatIsMyPotato

You were staring at her feeling sorry for her and making a judgement. Exactly the behaviour you are saying is wrong.
I wasn't judging her.
OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 15/05/2021 16:20

What did you want to get from this thread OP?

Just people to think this stranger on a train is a shit dad after 5 minutes of crying with a baby you presume is his?

What do you get from that?

MiddleClassProblem · 15/05/2021 16:20

Genuinely curious

PegPeople · 15/05/2021 16:24

You do realise she isn't a mind reader? If you were staring at her she probably thought you were judging the fact the baby was being loud she doesn't magically know you were actually judging the bloke sitting next to her.

So as well as starting a truly nasty thread judging them you've also probably made her feel like utter crap.

bruffin · 15/05/2021 16:27

And if they weren't together I still feel sorry for her as I know people stare if you can't get a baby to settle on public transport.
When i was in that situation i chatted to the mother, turned out teething baby so i offered her some calpol. Your the one staring and making judgement

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 16:29

You keep referring to her as "poor mum". She might be perfectly capable of looking after her child without a man swanning in and taking over.

trappedsincesundaymorn · 15/05/2021 16:29

Maybe the "dad" was googling ways to soothe a fractious baby or texting his mum for advice. I'm also curious as to the type of headphones he was wearing, the reason being that I know a deaf person whose hearing aids look like wireless headphones.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 16:30

Still not sure why you felt the need to mention they were young looking then add a 'not judging!' in brackets, as it makes it sound even more like you are judging Grin

trappedsincesundaymorn · 15/05/2021 16:31

look like wireless headphones from a distance is what I meant to say.

flashylamp · 15/05/2021 16:31

And if they weren't together I still feel sorry for her as I know people stare if you can't get a baby to settle on public transport.

But watching them for an hour whilst updating mumsnet about what is going on is ok Hmm

Here Biscuit

Whinge · 15/05/2021 16:35

I wasn't staring at her or judging her for not settling the baby as she was obviously trying.

You spent an hour staring at them and updating a nasty thread on MN about them. You were both staring and judging, no matter how you try and spin it. Angry

Joeblack066 · 15/05/2021 16:46

See it all the time. Dads sat in their phone while Mum walks round the Disney store/ clothes shop/ the Entertainer. Dads hanging back glued to their phone whilst stressed Mums try to entertain kids and do grocery shopping. Dads shouting at kids in aforementioned stores because they’re ‘bored’. If any of my adult sons behaved like that as Dads they would know about it. Disgraceful.

firstimemamma · 15/05/2021 16:55

Yabu you are seeing a snap shot and don't understand the situation so shouldn't judge. For all you know the baby is going through a phase of preferring mum over dad so the dad is keeping out of it as he knows all his efforts will just make things worse.

Sometimes my toddler ds gets upset on family days out and only daddy can do anything about it in his eyes! I'm a good mum and my world revolves around looking after my son but I suppose if u saw us out and about you'd do the same as you're doing with the man in your original post and think to yourself 'why isn't that lady doing anything to help her little boy?!'

You never know the full story.

UrAWizHarry · 15/05/2021 16:59

@Beldb

"I made this thread as I felt bad for the poor mum not to be 'goady'."

Yeah, I bet it's really helping her for some randomer on the internet to be creating judgemental goady threads about her and some man who may or may not be the father.

Original poster
Beldb · 15/05/2021 17:03

[quote UrAWizHarry]@Beldb

"I made this thread as I felt bad for the poor mum not to be 'goady'."

Yeah, I bet it's really helping her for some randomer on the internet to be creating judgemental goady threads about her and some man who may or may not be the father.[/quote]
Like I've said I'm not judging her.

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 15/05/2021 17:06

But why did you make the thread? Still asking.

You weren’t the person in this situation and you seem to not know very much about it...

PegPeople · 15/05/2021 17:06

Like I've said I'm not judging her.

And as everyone else has pointed out of course that's what you are doing. How on earth is starting this thread going to help her? How do you think you staring at her for an hour made her feel?

Seriously the whole concept that you would see someone struggle and start a thread rather than offer them a sympathetic comment or tell her we've all been there is mind-boggling.

UrAWizHarry · 15/05/2021 17:08

"Like I've said I'm not judging her."

Yeah... you totally are, the second you posted this thread you were judging the fuck out of them. Well done you.

luckylavender · 15/05/2021 17:08

This is the most ridiculous post I've seen on MN for a while. Only one adult needs to be involved. You don't know their circumstances / arrangements. It's absolutely none of your business.

Serpenta · 15/05/2021 17:10

@EarringsandLipstick

You know what, I think this does sound a bit shit of the (presumably) dad BUT

This thread is as goady as hell nonetheless.

Honestly, imagine sitting on a thread, judging another family, and then posting on MN to invite a pile-on. What other reason could there be for this thread?

Can you call it pile-on when she hasn't identified them in any way? Confused

I don't find the OP goady. The reaction from some people on this thread has been ridiculously over the top.

EarringsandLipstick · 15/05/2021 17:19

Serpenta

Can you call it pile-on when she hasn't identified them in any way?

I get what you are saying. And I kinda hesitated myself before typing it, for exactly that reason.

So maybe pile on is wrong.

However, it's unclear exactly what the point of this thread is other than to judge this couple, and in particular the dad (the 'young' dad, as we are told.

Yes MN is basically all about us commenting on stranger's situations. There's usually some point to it, linked with the OP.

This seems gratuitous, pointless & goady to me.

OP says she felt sorry for the mother but she's absolutely made a judgment call on very little information, and refused to say what the point of the thread even is

Crabbitcrab · 15/05/2021 17:19

I've had women sit next to me on the train with their children, does that mean i'm suddenly the child's father? Am i then responsible for looking after these random children?

midnightstar66 · 15/05/2021 17:22

I'm not sure what he could be doing tbh. This is usually a too many cooks situation. Only one person needed and frequently mums are the ones that can settle a baby quicker as they are the main carer due to dad working breast feeding etc

KurtWilde · 15/05/2021 17:24

It only takes one parent to settle a child.
How do you even know he's the child's father?
Judgemental much.

Serpenta · 15/05/2021 17:26

That's fair enough, @EarringsandLipstick

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