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AIBU?

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Original poster

Baby crying on the train

185 replies

Beldb · 15/05/2021 13:33

I'm on the train and there's a young looking couple (not judging) and a baby in it's pushchair. The baby has been crying for about 5 minutes. The poor mum is trying to settle the baby but the dad is just ignoring it and he's on his phone!!Shock

If this was my husband and he wasn't helping I'd tell him to get off his phone and help!

I can't believe what I'm seeing

OP posts:
youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 15:03

@Beldb

Yes and husband always asked me if I needed any help with our DCs

Instead of just stepping up and parenting his own children, he asked you if he needed to 'help'? As if parenting was doing you a favour?

See how easy it is to criticise other people's parenting?

Twistiesandshout · 15/05/2021 15:03

Yep, if baby was crying for an hour and he is relative/friend/father or just a decent human he should have been helping.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 15/05/2021 15:06

Not sure why them being 'young looking' was worth mentioning, even if quickly followed by a 'not judging' in brackets, which is all a bit the lady doth protest too much..,

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/05/2021 15:11

@Lessthanaballpark

FFS of course YANBU OP. If he is in fact the dad of course he should be supporting, if not for the baby, for her.

It’s disingenuous to not connect this to a wider issue of unequal parenting expectations. Has anyone ever seen a mother sitting there with her headphones ignoring her baby as the father tries to calm the baby down?

Seriously! Do we infantilise men so much that we expect so little of them?

Yeah I completely agree with that. Unfortunately that is the way of it most of the time. I couldn't imagine sitting on a train with headphones in completely ignoring my crying baby and partner for the whole journey. It's just plain rude of nothing else.
newnortherner111 · 15/05/2021 15:12

I'm sure many mums would have sought assistance from their DP/DH if their attempts to quieten their baby failed, but not all. You don't need to read too many threads on MN to remember that some dads are useless (or worse) and also how given some mums are treated by them, why they would stay silent, sadly.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/05/2021 15:15

*Right, and what can a second person actually do if it's a baby having a cry for no real reason?

Should they spend the time stroking the mother's back? Maybe chanting or holding a takeaway coffee in their hands to ensure it stays warm?*

He could actually try interacting with her so she has another adult to talk to and doesn't feel so alone. I know when my kids have been crying in public places and won't be settled, it's nice if my partner at least interacts with me or shows a bit of interest rather than just completely ignoring me. He doesn't need to try and settle the child at the same time but just having a bit of support is nice.

UrAWizHarry · 15/05/2021 15:18

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

*Right, and what can a second person actually do if it's a baby having a cry for no real reason?

Should they spend the time stroking the mother's back? Maybe chanting or holding a takeaway coffee in their hands to ensure it stays warm?*

He could actually try interacting with her so she has another adult to talk to and doesn't feel so alone. I know when my kids have been crying in public places and won't be settled, it's nice if my partner at least interacts with me or shows a bit of interest rather than just completely ignoring me. He doesn't need to try and settle the child at the same time but just having a bit of support is nice.

Maybe he was, you know, in a way which wasn't up to the OP's standards and so wasn't worthy of being reported on.

Fact is, this is a goady as fuck, mean spirited thread posted by the OP in the hope that a load of judgy fuckers join in saying "yes, all young fathers are shit".

Butchyrestingface · 15/05/2021 15:19

The baby is now on her lap and he's still crying but the man is just ignoring them with his earphones in on his phone!

Are you sure he's even with them and not some rando who had the misfortune to sit beside a screaming child on the train (we've all been there) and is just too polite to bolt for the next carriage? 😀

Original poster
Beldb · 15/05/2021 15:19

@UrAWizHarry if he was talking to her I would've said but he wasn't, he was just sitting there with his earphones in.

I don't think all young fathers are shit either.

OP posts:
Sarahsteedman · 15/05/2021 15:21

Gosh why don't you just mind your own business, it's hardly a two person job unless the lady asks him for help.

tentosix · 15/05/2021 15:23

It doesn't look nice and probably he was a shit, but in all honesty I can't think what else he could have done to 'help'? One parent was trying to calm the baby, so its not as though it was left.

Blowingagale · 15/05/2021 15:24

Yabu and judging with each post.
PP have given the many different reasons that these two people dealt with this situation in the way that they did that would be absolutely acceptable and not blameworthy.

It might have been unreasonable if the mother asked the man for help and he refused. You have given no indication of that so far. As it is so crucial I’m sure you would have without me raising it, so won’t be adding it now.

flashylamp · 15/05/2021 15:30

Seriously! Do we infantilise men so much that we expect so little of them?

Goodness, no!

The thing is we have absolutely no idea whether he was the Dad, what (if) arrangement between the 2, any hidden disability etc.

It's ridiculous to assume people have a low bar set for men based on a fraction on a story with absolutely no context.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/05/2021 15:31

Fact is, this is a goady as fuck, mean spirited thread posted by the OP in the hope that a load of judgy fuckers join in saying "yes, all young fathers are shit".

I didn't take it that way and I was a very young parent.

supermoonrising · 15/05/2021 15:40

Maybe the man had been working the whole night. Maybe he'd been up with the baby Early in the morning and the mum had has a lie in and now it's his turn to chill. We do that sort of thing all the time. Probably not best to judge a book by its cover so to speak.

hyperbole001 · 15/05/2021 15:43

How do you know that's the dad?

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 15:45

Maybe she is a nanny and gets paid to look after crying baby

MiddleClassProblem · 15/05/2021 15:47

I think my favourite new theory (shelving ghost) is that last night, he found out that the baby isn’t his but someone else’s. They have to go to a family event today and she doesn’t know he knows. He’s trying to hold his shit together but every time he looks at the baby he loves for 3 months, he just sees the OM’s face.

Or maybe his mum is dying and they are desperately trying to get to her. He’s on the phone to her, savouring every last moment he has to hear her voice.

But tbh it sounds like he doesn’t know her. She wanted to sit in that convenient seat which was good for the buggy and he was already here.

EarringsandLipstick · 15/05/2021 15:52

You know what, I think this does sound a bit shit of the (presumably) dad
BUT

This thread is as goady as hell nonetheless.

Honestly, imagine sitting on a thread, judging another family, and then posting on MN to invite a pile-on. What other reason could there be for this thread?

Fatladyslim · 15/05/2021 15:55

If he just completely ignored her for a full hour I don't think they were together. Not all people take Covid seriously.

Either that, or it is her brother or something who is utterly uninterested in the baby.

Original poster
Beldb · 15/05/2021 16:04

@EarringsandLipstick

You know what, I think this does sound a bit shit of the (presumably) dad BUT

This thread is as goady as hell nonetheless.

Honestly, imagine sitting on a thread, judging another family, and then posting on MN to invite a pile-on. What other reason could there be for this thread?

I made this thread as I felt bad for the poor mum not to be 'goady'.
OP posts:
PegPeople · 15/05/2021 16:08

I made this thread as I felt bad for the poor mum not to be 'goady'.

Do you still feel bad for the poor mum despite the vast array of possible reasons given by all those posting as to why the bloke sitting next to her didn't help?

Original poster
Beldb · 15/05/2021 16:16

@PegPeople

I made this thread as I felt bad for the poor mum not to be 'goady'.

Do you still feel bad for the poor mum despite the vast array of possible reasons given by all those posting as to why the bloke sitting next to her didn't help?

Yes, as he shouldn't have been ignoring them if they were together as that's just ignorant. And if they weren't together I still feel sorry for her as I know people stare if you can't get a baby to settle on public transport. I wasn't staring at her or judging her for not settling the baby as she was obviously trying.
OP posts:
EarringsandLipstick · 15/05/2021 16:18

I made this thread as I felt bad for the poor mum not to be 'goady'.

Yeah you did. 🙄

You judged like hell, and created a thread for us all to join in with you.

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 16:18

You were staring at her feeling sorry for her and making a judgement. Exactly the behaviour you are saying is wrong.

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