Page 4 | Baby crying on the train

Beldb · 2021-05-15T12:33:11+00:00

I'm on the train and there's a young looking couple (not judging) and a baby in it's pushchair. The baby has been crying for about 5 minutes. The poor mum is trying to settle the baby but the dad is just ignoring it and he's on his phone!![shock] If this was my husband and he wasn't helping I'd tell him to get off his phone and help! I can't believe what I'm seeing

Roboticcarrot · 15/05/2021 14:29

Even if he is the father, the bar for them is very low, so of course most think it's fine for him to sit doing fuck all in peace.

ittakes2 · 15/05/2021 14:29

I am really confused why you think two adults sticking their heads into a pram is going to do a better job of calming the baby than just his or her mum. If you are calming a child you know what you have done and what you could try next - two people involved sounds like a potential disaster to me.

vodkaredbullgirl · 15/05/2021 14:29

Must be a long train journey?

UrAWizHarry · 15/05/2021 14:30

@Roboticcarrot

Even if he is the father, the bar for them is very low, so of course most think it's fine for him to sit doing fuck all in peace.

Which is not what people are saying, of course.

What people are saying is that the OP knows fuck all about the situation so should probably find something to watch on netflix rather than making massive assumptions about this "young" couple who she clearly is judging the fuck out of.

It doesn't take 2 people to calm a baby.

flashylamp · 15/05/2021 14:30

@Beldb

Yes and husband always asked me if I needed any help with our DCs

Mine doesn't even ask. When we went out with young chickens he was the one who dealt with this kind of thing, not me. I suppose you would judge me as a lazy and uncaring mother. What actually happens though was DH worked away and I did the absolute lions share, so when he was home and able to, he absolutely stepped up, and I sat the fuck down.

MiddleClassProblem · 15/05/2021 14:31

He could just be her friend/relative/new boyfriend.

He may not have baby experience.

How bloody awkward if it’s not his baby. My niece started crying on me when everyone else left the room once, I tried to calm but simultaneously too her to my brother. I have a kid but I am a bit like a rabbit in headlights with someone else’s baby. Once they are a little bit older, then I’m ok, but honestly I wouldn’t want to come across over bearing, or like it was a nuisance. I would offer help but only if the mum seemed to be fed up or similar.

SleepingStandingUp · 15/05/2021 14:32

If the baby had cried for 5 minutes and DH offered to take the baby away to give me a break, I'd wonder why he thinks I'm incapable of holding our crying child for 5 minutes. It's hardly an unusual situation. If I wanted help, I'd hand him over. Maybe he worked all night, maybe he did the night feeds and she slept, maybe she knows he's got a banging headache, maybe she wants to hold her baby.

MiddleClassProblem · 15/05/2021 14:32

@flashylamp young chickens 😂❤️

flashylamp · 15/05/2021 14:33

[quote MiddleClassProblem]@flashylamp young chickens 😂❤️[/quote]

ooops

Serpenta · 15/05/2021 14:34

uninterested dads abound

Blossomtoes · 15/05/2021 14:36

@Serpenta

uninterested dads abound

More judgement 🙄

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 14:36

@Beldb

I'm not judging, I'm just saying he could be helping her. The baby is now on her lap and he's still crying but the man is just ignoring them with his earphones in on his phone!

And for those saying don't I have anything better to do, I can't help but notice if I'm on the train aswell.

Nope still sounds like you are judging

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 15/05/2021 14:36

I think people are being deliberately disingenuous. It's a bit shit of the dad (if he is the dad... waiting on the dna test ) to have his earphones in ignoring them both. He could at least be supportive. This reflects the "not my problem" approach that unfortunately a significant number of dads do take to caring for babies.

My DH once tried this stunt when we were flying to Spain with our baby (then 13 months) for the first time. He's one of those annoying bastards who like to be first off the plane (which irritates me hugely as I'll happily read my book until the plane is empty and saunter off last). So he got his stuff together and legged it out of the plane, leaving me with the baby to get into the sling, my bag, the baby's bag and the folded buggy to carry down the airplane steps and onto the bus. I only managed because some kind strangers helped me. When I caught up with him, I gave him an absolute earful in front of all the other passengers (which everyone seemed to enjoy ). He claimed lamely that he thought we were "just behind him" . He's never tried that again.

GroovyClementine · 15/05/2021 14:37

Weird thread.

He is her gay best friend from uni who likes to go shopping with her. He doesn't like babies but he will just abour tolrerate hers because he loves his best friend. He is texting his boyfriend while she soothes the baby.

I have just as much reason to claim that as you do to assert he's the kids dad.

UrAWizHarry · 15/05/2021 14:38

"to have his earphones in ignoring them both"

Ah, the story grows, despite their being no indication that the man has headphones. Next he'll be shagging another woman in the toilets.

ThatIsMyPotato · 15/05/2021 14:38

Maybe if it's been 5 minutes mum has got it all under control and won't appreciate him swanning into the rescue as if he knows better.

Serpenta · 15/05/2021 14:40

What are you rolling your eyes for, @Blossomtoes? Mumsnet threads are all about making a judgement! That's the point. Maybe this dad in question is great. I have no idea. But I do know several fathers who take far less interest in their children than the mothers too. As do you.

itslategotosleep · 15/05/2021 14:40

People who make comments like this are the ones who made me feel anxious when taking my baby out when he was younger.
You said the ‘dad’ that you are presuming is that, should give the mum a break but also said it had only been 5 minutes so not exactly break needed amount of time.
Also you have no idea what their arrangement is or what they had agreed.
It’s hard enough travelling with a young child sometimes without people being so judgemental. I think you should take a look at yourself. YADBU!

flashylamp · 15/05/2021 14:41

I think people are being deliberately disingenuous. It's a bit shit of the dad (if he is the dad... waiting on the dna test ) to have his earphones in ignoring them both. He could at least be supportive. This reflects the "not my problem" approach that unfortunately a significant number of dads do take to caring for babies.

But here we are making not just an assumption about him being the dad but also about the reason he wears earphones.

I wear earphones all the time when I leave the house. I never listen to music with them but they help to form a slight barrier to make things less noisy for me. I'm autistic and anything that makes leaving the house easier is a win for me.

The judgement though? I don't need that. If you saw me on a train with my family you would assume me to be ignoring them when actually I am just protecting myself.

MiddleClassProblem · 15/05/2021 14:41

Maybe she’s his mum too and he is fed up of the baby!

Maybe the baby is unwell and it happens a lot and she knows how to handle it.

Maybe he gets sock if he doesn’t look out the window for long periods.

Maybe you should get a book.

Is the baby still crying?

BackforGood · 15/05/2021 14:41

YABU
You said "5 mins".
Why would a parent 'need help' with a baby that has been unsettled for 5 mins ?
What could a 2nd parent do in those circumstances anyway ?

If there's a baby crying on the bus or train my only thought is 'poor parents'
This ^

B1rthis · 15/05/2021 14:42

I agree with you. Ignoring someone you are with is just bad manners.
The small person is clearly distressed and trying to express themselves and if it was two adults and one was shouting or crying, everyone would question the manners of the other adult putting the headphones on.

MiddleClassProblem · 15/05/2021 14:42

Maybe he’s a ghost...

itslategotosleep · 15/05/2021 14:42

@Jellybabiesforbreakfast

I think people are being deliberately disingenuous. It's a bit shit of the dad (if he is the dad... waiting on the dna test

) to have his earphones in ignoring them both. He could at least be supportive. This reflects the "not my problem" approach that unfortunately a significant number of dads do take to caring for babies.

My DH once tried this stunt when we were flying to Spain with our baby (then 13 months) for the first time. He's one of those annoying bastards who like to be first off the plane (which irritates me hugely as I'll happily read my book until the plane is empty and saunter off last). So he got his stuff together and legged it out of the plane, leaving me with the baby to get into the sling, my bag, the baby's bag and the folded buggy to carry down the airplane steps and onto the bus. I only managed because some kind strangers helped me. When I caught up with him, I gave him an absolute earful in front of all the other passengers (which everyone seemed to enjoy ). He claimed lamely that he thought we were "just behind him" . He's never tried that again.

I really don’t think that is the same. What your DH did was appalling though.

flashylamp · 15/05/2021 14:43

@B1rthis

I agree with you. Ignoring someone you are with is just bad manners. The small person is clearly distressed and trying to express themselves and if it was two adults and one was shouting or crying, everyone would question the manners of the other adult putting the headphones on.

Again, is he ignoring them? Do they have an agreement?