Page 5 | Baby crying on the train

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 15/05/2021 14:44

God I hate it when people make threads judging strangers. Keep your nose to yourself.

Roomba · 15/05/2021 14:45

Last year I watched a guy almost completely ignore his wife, approx 7yo son, toddler and baby for a fortnight during a holiday in Greece. He spent every mealtime either bellowing into his phone at the dinner table, or pacing up and down near the bar bellowing into his phone. His wife was admirable in dealing with the children all day long at the pool, while he bellowed into his phone or sat playing games on it. He woke his kids from their siesta every afternoon by yelling into his phone on the balcony. The entire hotel felt sorry for this woman as she juggled everything and looked fed up. The elderly Greek couple that owned the place were shaking their heads at him and tutting at him, then bringing his wife and kids free drinks and ice creams!

Now, maybe he was a high powered businessman with an office crisis. Or maybe there was a family disaster unfolding at the other end of the phone. But he was so disinterested in his kids he literally swatted them away if they interrupted his gaming. Very sad.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 15/05/2021 14:45

If he is definitely with them, yes, he is fucking rude.

Looubylou · 15/05/2021 14:45

@ThatIsMyPotato

Maybe if it's been 5 minutes mum has got it all under control and won't appreciate him swanning into the rescue as if he knows better.

This exactly. Babies cry. Sometimes they take a long time to settle - doesn't mean she's doing it wrong or needs help. Interference might make the situation worse. Does she look upset? Say something nice and supportive but avoid giving advice unless asked.

Jellybabiesforbreakfast · 15/05/2021 14:45

There's very much an "oh she's dealing with it and so I can zone out" vibe, though. Whereas actually if things are tough, it's nice to have a little support (or at least not be completely ignored).

flashylamp · 15/05/2021 14:46

@Roomba

Last year I watched a guy almost completely ignore his wife, approx 7yo son, toddler and baby for a fortnight during a holiday in Greece. He spent every mealtime either bellowing into his phone at the dinner table, or pacing up and down near the bar bellowing into his phone. His wife was admirable in dealing with the children all day long at the pool, while he bellowed into his phone or sat playing games on it. He woke his kids from their siesta every afternoon by yelling into his phone on the balcony. The entire hotel felt sorry for this woman as she juggled everything and looked fed up. The elderly Greek couple that owned the place were shaking their heads at him and tutting at him, then bringing his wife and kids free drinks and ice creams!

Now, maybe he was a high powered businessman with an office crisis. Or maybe there was a family disaster unfolding at the other end of the phone. But he was so disinterested in his kids he literally swatted them away if they interrupted his gaming. Very sad.

This ain't really comparable to a 5 minute cry on a train though, is it?

StopPokingTheRoyalTitDear · 15/05/2021 14:48

@Beldb

I'm on the train and there's a young looking couple (not judging) and a baby in it's pushchair. The baby has been crying for about 5 minutes. The poor mum is trying to settle the baby but the dad is just ignoring it and he's on his phone!!

If this was my husband and he wasn't helping I'd tell him to get off his phone and help!

I can't believe what I'm seeing

While I agree if mum feels she needs help dad should help I’m actually mildly amused that you can’t believe what you’re seeing. This scenario is so common. It shouldn’t be (disinterested father not offering back up) but it is and if I did notice this scene playing out I’d probably just inwardly roll my eyes at his uselessness.

denverRegina · 15/05/2021 14:49

What do you want them to do? Give it a leg and a wing?

Blossomtoes · 15/05/2021 14:50

@Serpenta

What are you rolling your eyes for, *@Blossomtoes*? Mumsnet threads are all about making a judgement! That's the point. Maybe this dad in question is great. I have no idea. But I do know several fathers who take far less interest in their children than the mothers too. As do you.

I’m rolling my eyes because I’m making a judgement. How do you know who I know?

Lessthanaballpark · 15/05/2021 14:50

FFS of course YANBU OP. If he is in fact the dad of course he should be supporting, if not for the baby, for her.

It’s disingenuous to not connect this to a wider issue of unequal parenting expectations. Has anyone ever seen a mother sitting there with her headphones ignoring her baby as the father tries to calm the baby down?

Seriously! Do we infantilise men so much that we expect so little of them?

Original poster

Beldb · 15/05/2021 14:51

@MiddleClassProblem

Maybe she’s his mum too and he is fed up of the baby!

Maybe the baby is unwell and it happens a lot and she knows how to handle it.

Maybe he gets sock if he doesn’t look out the window for long periods.

Maybe you should get a book.

Is the baby still crying?

The baby was crying when I got off the train, yes. It wasn't just a '5 minute cry' in the end it was about an hour so I still think he should've helped her or at least not ignoring them both, even if it wasn't his child he still shouldn't have been ignoring who he's with by being on his phone.

OP posts:

Serpenta · 15/05/2021 14:52

Seriously! Do we infantilise men so much that we expect so little of them?

A lot of women do sadly.

SpeckledyHen · 15/05/2021 14:52

Our first born son cried constantly. We took it in turns to try to placate him . It doesn’t need two at a time generally.

MiddleClassProblem · 15/05/2021 14:53

Yes, I’m sure that happened.

maddiemookins16mum · 15/05/2021 14:53

2 people fussing over one wain would make me silently tut, it’s really not a two man job.

BearStack · 15/05/2021 14:53

Did you just make this thread to boast about how much better your husband was with your kids? Seems like it.

You have no idea what the situation is. People who make threads like this just to judge strangers are so weird and cause people so much anxiety. See if you actually care this much about it, go and say something to him instead of bitching on Mumsnet.

Blossomtoes · 15/05/2021 14:53

Do we infantilise men so much that we expect so little of them?

Have we established yet exactly what he’s expected to do? Exactly, precisely - not support, which is meaningless.

MiddleClassProblem · 15/05/2021 14:54

This story has conveniently escalated in your favour. Now he ignored them for an hour?

UrAWizHarry · 15/05/2021 14:55

@Lessthanaballpark

FFS of course YANBU OP. If he is in fact the dad of course he should be supporting, if not for the baby, for her.

It’s disingenuous to not connect this to a wider issue of unequal parenting expectations. Has anyone ever seen a mother sitting there with her headphones ignoring her baby as the father tries to calm the baby down?

Seriously! Do we infantilise men so much that we expect so little of them?

Right, and what can a second person actually do if it's a baby having a cry for no real reason?

Should they spend the time stroking the mother's back? Maybe chanting or holding a takeaway coffee in their hands to ensure it stays warm?

Fucking ridiculous. Nobody on the thread has any idea about the actual relationship, the dynamics of the relationship or maybe there was non verbals going on that the unable-to-mind-her-own-fucking-business OP didn't report on because it didn't suit her "oh, aren't young dads shit?" narative.

Original poster

Beldb · 15/05/2021 14:55

@BearStack

Did you just make this thread to boast about how much better your husband was with your kids? Seems like it.

You have no idea what the situation is. People who make threads like this just to judge strangers are so weird and cause people so much anxiety. See if you actually care this much about it, go and say something to him instead of bitching on Mumsnet.

No I didn't, I just felt sorry for the poor mum

OP posts:

rwalker · 15/05/2021 14:56

Only takes one and 2 people trying would make baby harder to settle

Original poster

Beldb · 15/05/2021 14:57

@MiddleClassProblem

This story has conveniently escalated in your favour. Now he ignored them for an hour?

When I posted it was only about 5 minutes but when I got off it was about an hour or so.

OP posts:

Happycat1212 · 15/05/2021 14:57

He ignored them the whole time? Sounds like they weren’t even together to me 🤷‍♀️

MiddleClassProblem · 15/05/2021 14:59

Yes, and it just happened to continue as this thread pointed out you were being judgy after 5 minutes. You must feel so conveniently vindicated...

Still no DNA test results in?

UrAWizHarry · 15/05/2021 15:01

"When I posted it was only about 5 minutes but when I got off it was about an hour or so."

Course it was love.