To be peed off because DH is salty that I didn’t have a hot dinner ready for him?!

[Vaselina]

DH works shifts, today he was working 2-8pm.

I told him last night that I was going to have a busy day today and was at my siblings this evening and wouldn’t be home til gone 7 so I said I’d just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or fish & chips or something on the way home.

He told me this morning he’d be home at 8.30/9pm. I said again, I won’t be cooking dinner as I won’t be home til a bit later myself. Reiterated again that I would just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or something.

That’s what I did.

DH messaged me at 8 to say he was leaving work and was there dinner for him, I said no, because I just grabbed something out. He has to drive through the same town as me to get back to our village, there is a fish and chip shop, McDonald’s, Chinese etc. He knew driving through it that there was no dinner for him at home.

He’s come home and appears annoyed, we had a bit of a row and he said ‘It’s the fact you didn’t think to have something hot ready for me when I came home. You didn’t think about me at all.’

I’m pissed off, just for the record, DH and I have been together for 7 years, he has worked shifts for 7 years and for the last 7 years I have pretty much always had a hot meal ready for him if he gets home at 8.30/9. The majority of the time obviously that means me waiting to eat until then too and sometimes I’m bloody starving by the time we do.

He’s now cooking something downstairs with a sour look on his face. I said I don’t know why he didn’t just stop and pick up something on the way home. We can afford it and it’s just the once!!

I’ve just said, I’m not a 1950’s housewife and don’t need to ‘think about and consider him’ 24/7. He’s a grown man! Fair enough if it was a regular occurrence but it’s not. AIBU?!

You did think about him.

You took the time to let him know that you wouldn't be cooking for him. You could just have not bothered telling him.

Does he plan meals too or is it always your job?

Shove the kettle on. Job done..

He’s a twat and thinks you’re is slave. How dare you not meet his every need? He’d be making his own dinner from now on if I were you.

Well that’s what I said. I did think about him because I let him know both last night and today that I wasn’t cooking and was going to be grabbing something out.

No, to be fair he does 40-50% of the cooking (depending on how busy he is at work)

Buy him a slow cooker, he could put on something before he goes to work at 2 in the afternoon and have something hot then. He's obviously demonstrating that he can cook for himself.

Meh, your DH can cook himself something. Surely you have a fridge and food lou d cupboard that has food in. Or as you say he passes the shops

But we don't know your background. Do you work ? do you have children ? (In which case does he pull his weight with childcare ?)

It's weird that you told him your weren't around and yet he still eclectic yes you to cook a dinner for him

Oh he cooks too, 50% of the time?
And all you are doing is arguing over tonight as you were out late?

Do you work?

I’d laugh in his sour pissy face. Fuck that misogyny.

Yanbu

You gave him plenty of notice

I would make him a really passive-aggressive salad every day for a fucking month.

If you both work, he's being outrageous

If you don't work snd he's financially supporting you without any children for either of you, then you told him you were out and you can debate on expectations but he's still a bit misogynist to expect a meal cooked for him when you aren't there

I work yes, I finished work, cleaned the house, went to my sibling’s for an hour to drop something off and then came home. I was home for about an hour before DH got home so to be fair I could have put something in the oven for him but I was hovering when he came in as I didn’t get time to get that done earlier before I left. I just couldn’t be arsed tonight tbh and was hoping he would just sort himself out. Yes that’s selfish but it’s not a regular occurrence so I don see the issue.

I am getting more and more grateful that I am single. You are not in the wrong.

The 1950s called, they want your husband back

Does he think it's 1942? Tell him to fuck off to the chippy.

So you work
You told him you'd be out, eating out and wouldn't be able to make him a dinner this evening

He's a sexist arse

He's being utterly ridiculous

Raise your eyebrow and remind him it's isn't 1950s anymore
Women got the vote 100 years ago

It’s NOT selfish. You told him upfront it was a takeout night. He chose to be a martyr (aka a twat) about you not being his 1950 housewife. Not your problem. But you need to ask him, considering the conversation, why he had behaved as he jast

You’re not selfish. He’s being a twat.

Did he say why he didn't just pick up a takeaway?

You know you're not bu. I don't even know why you're asking.

So he doesn’t listen to you and expects a hot meal when he returns from work every day. Such a catch, in 1951.

Is he a bit thick? Why didn’t he understand the several times you told him you weren’t going to cook for him?

Was he actually expecting a meal to be cooked or was he more annoyed that you'd got yourself a hot takeaway and not him?

I'll be totally honest, I would've either got chips/chinese for us both and put his in the oven to keep warm, or I would've just waited and asked him to pick up something for us both on his way home. Just getting your own takeaway knowing he's only about an hour behind you is a little bit selfish IMO.

Context is everything though - does he usually get arsey and expect you to cook for him? If so then he is being massively unreasonable.