To be peed off because DH is salty that I didn’t have a hot dinner ready for him?!

[Vaselina]

DH works shifts, today he was working 2-8pm.

I told him last night that I was going to have a busy day today and was at my siblings this evening and wouldn’t be home til gone 7 so I said I’d just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or fish & chips or something on the way home.

He told me this morning he’d be home at 8.30/9pm. I said again, I won’t be cooking dinner as I won’t be home til a bit later myself. Reiterated again that I would just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or something.

That’s what I did.

DH messaged me at 8 to say he was leaving work and was there dinner for him, I said no, because I just grabbed something out. He has to drive through the same town as me to get back to our village, there is a fish and chip shop, McDonald’s, Chinese etc. He knew driving through it that there was no dinner for him at home.

He’s come home and appears annoyed, we had a bit of a row and he said ‘It’s the fact you didn’t think to have something hot ready for me when I came home. You didn’t think about me at all.’

I’m pissed off, just for the record, DH and I have been together for 7 years, he has worked shifts for 7 years and for the last 7 years I have pretty much always had a hot meal ready for him if he gets home at 8.30/9. The majority of the time obviously that means me waiting to eat until then too and sometimes I’m bloody starving by the time we do.

He’s now cooking something downstairs with a sour look on his face. I said I don’t know why he didn’t just stop and pick up something on the way home. We can afford it and it’s just the once!!

I’ve just said, I’m not a 1950’s housewife and don’t need to ‘think about and consider him’ 24/7. He’s a grown man! Fair enough if it was a regular occurrence but it’s not. AIBU?!

Hot dinner is not a legal requirement as far as I’m aware. Particularly hot dinner cooked by someone but not me.

Cheese sandwich is the solution to this issue.

Thank you.

Is he a bit thick? Why didn’t he understand the several times you told him you weren’t going to cook for him?

Oh he did, but he expected OP to understand his several hints that he wanted her to cook, and prioritise that over what she wanted.

Yet another man whose willy gets in the way of the cooker.

Diddums.

Just getting your own takeaway knowing he's only about an hour behind you is a little bit selfish IMO.

She told him this was her plan about three times. It wasn't a surprise to him. Unless he hadn't bothered listening.

I usually have dh dinner ready for him getting up before a nightshift but I'm currently overdue and tired so he's quite happy to sort himself out.

He would also do the same for me before I went on mat leave.

It's called give and take.

@Naunet

Is he a bit thick? Why didn’t he understand the several times you told him you weren’t going to cook for him?

Oh he did, but he expected OP to understand his several hints that he wanted her to cook, and prioritise that over what she wanted.

Yes. I thought that was fairly obvious. And now he's trying to punish her so she never neglects her serving duties again.

“You didn’t think about me at all.”
Bullshit. You told him twice. You thought about him plenty. What he means is...you didn’t sort out my dinner for me.
Pffft. Frankly.

Am I missing something here ? He only worked from 2pm until 8pm ? Why didn't he prepare himself something in the many hours he had before work ?
I went out for work at 5am, got back at 7pm and still managed to sort dinner. Your DH sounds totally pathetic

I would've either got chips/chinese for us both and put his in the oven to keep warm, or I would've just waited and asked him to pick up something for us both on his way home. Just getting your own takeaway knowing he's only about an hour behind you is a little bit selfish IMO.

Yeah I would've done the same really.

You did think about him - you let him know, so the fact he didn’t pick something up indicates he was spoiling for a fight a bit - I’d try and unpick that with him tomorrow so it doesn’t happen again.

Salty is a great expression

Of course YANBU. You told him several times what the situation would be. He just ignored you. Huge twat.

Should say - he's a prick for the way he reacted to not having dinner. I just would find it weird to sort myself a takeaway knowing he'd then do the same an hr later

He’s being a twat but not really sure why you didn’t get takeaway for the both of you. My partner doesn’t get home till 10-11 and sometimes cooks for himself as I’m pregnant and really sick but if get a takeaway I always get some for him too.

@Unanananana

Yet another man whose willy gets in the way of the cooker.

Diddums.

This.

ANYONE who came out with the 'hot meal' line got dumped by me pronto. It's like a sexist red flag waving in the breeze. What's so fucking magical about hot food? Oh, that someone with a pussy cooks it and serves it up like a skivvy. Fuck that.

YANBU.

I get very salty when my husband hasn’t got my dinner ready if it’s his turn The other day he’d misread the timings on the oven meal and it was going to need an extra 30min when I arrived home from the gym. I was expecting it to be piping hot on the table. I made sure he knew how I felt! He had one job, put it in the oven on time!!
I know it sounds really silly but when you’re HANGRY you so act out do character. I wouldn’t read too much into it!

@TuesdayRuby

I get very salty when my husband hasn’t got my dinner ready if it’s his turn The other day he’d misread the timings on the oven meal and it was going to need an extra 30min when I arrived home from the gym. I was expecting it to be piping hot on the table. I made sure he knew how I felt! He had one job, put it in the oven on time!! I know it sounds really silly but when you’re HANGRY you so act out do character. I wouldn’t read too much into it!

I’d have put it in the bin if you’d had a go at me for a mistake.

OP even if you normally have his meal on the table perfectly timed to the second he walks through the door every night he knew you weren’t going to do so tonight because you told him twice.

He’s at it.

In the 7 years of spending your evenings hungry and eating late at night so you can have the privilege of cooking for him on his schedule, how much was he thinking of you?

Throwing a strop on the rare occasion you clearly communicate alternative plans is not a good look.

He had many opportunities to say something like, "Would you get me a takeaway too while you're there?" or "Is there anything in the freezer you could just stick in the oven for me to eat when I get in?" I think you need to say to him that if he wants something ready when he gets home, he has to explicitly ask before he leaves for work.

You should totally commit to only making cold dinners from now on. Gazpacho and salad all the way, ice cream to follow.

More fool you for having a hot meal awaiting his arrival all these years. You've made a rod for your own back.

YANBU you told him you weren't cooking and he just continued to drop hints so you would anyway!!

Or he didn't listen to you at all - which is more likely?

I voted YABU.

Unreasonable to have not told him to go and fuck himself.

You gave him plenty of warning, even though you did not owe him that, and he completely ignored you.

Fuck him, I hope the dinner he cooks himself, with his sour face, tastes like shit.

He was 2 hours behind the op. And driving himself past the takeaway.

Sorry but I disagree with most people. I'd have ensured there was a take away for both of us, and we'd have eaten together. You didn't have to cook for him but I think it was a bit selfish just to sort your own food out.

@Cherrysherbet

More fool you for having a hot meal awaiting his arrival all these years. You've made a rod for your own back.

This. And the whole waiting whilst you're famished to eat.