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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be peed off because DH is salty that I didn’t have a hot dinner ready for him?!

176 replies

Vaselina · 14/05/2021 20:40

DH works shifts, today he was working 2-8pm.

I told him last night that I was going to have a busy day today and was at my siblings this evening and wouldn’t be home til gone 7 so I said I’d just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or fish & chips or something on the way home.

He told me this morning he’d be home at 8.30/9pm. I said again, I won’t be cooking dinner as I won’t be home til a bit later myself. Reiterated again that I would just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or something.

That’s what I did.

DH messaged me at 8 to say he was leaving work and was there dinner for him, I said no, because I just grabbed something out. He has to drive through the same town as me to get back to our village, there is a fish and chip shop, McDonald’s, Chinese etc. He knew driving through it that there was no dinner for him at home.

He’s come home and appears annoyed, we had a bit of a row and he said ‘It’s the fact you didn’t think to have something hot ready for me when I came home. You didn’t think about me at all.’

I’m pissed off, just for the record, DH and I have been together for 7 years, he has worked shifts for 7 years and for the last 7 years I have pretty much always had a hot meal ready for him if he gets home at 8.30/9. The majority of the time obviously that means me waiting to eat until then too and sometimes I’m bloody starving by the time we do.

He’s now cooking something downstairs with a sour look on his face. I said I don’t know why he didn’t just stop and pick up something on the way home. We can afford it and it’s just the once!!

I’ve just said, I’m not a 1950’s housewife and don’t need to ‘think about and consider him’ 24/7. He’s a grown man! Fair enough if it was a regular occurrence but it’s not. AIBU?!

OP posts:
felulageller · 15/05/2021 06:06

Wow sometimes it's really fascinating, even scary to see how completely unrelatable other women's lives are.

Taikoo · 15/05/2021 06:06

Tell him to go fuck himself.

SpeakingFranglais · 15/05/2021 06:17

2-8 isnt a full day. He could have prepped a meal in advance in the morning.

KatherineJaneway · 15/05/2021 06:23

YANBU. You told him twice there'd be no hot dinner and he could have easily picked up dinner on the way home. Anyway, if he wants something hot he can do beams on toast. Quick, easy and tasty.

DarcyLewis · 15/05/2021 06:29

Who wants cold, hour old MacDonalds for tea???

Anyway, he could have prepped dinner and put it in the slow cooker before he went to work.

nancywhitehead · 15/05/2021 06:45

Obviously you're not a 1950's housewife and he shoudn't expect this of you.

But it did sound like you were in a bit of a routine where you did it for a really long time, and then one day you suddenly decided not to.

I know you told him to pick something up on the way home etc and he didn't (which was ridiculous of him!).

But was this a statement you were making about not wanting to be treated like this anymore?

If so, I think there are better ways you could have done it. If you were feeling resentful of doing all the cooking, couldn't you just have spoken to him about that directly rather than taking this random action and suddenly changing your established routine?

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 15/05/2021 07:19

@nancywhitehead

Obviously you're not a 1950's housewife and he shoudn't expect this of you.

But it did sound like you were in a bit of a routine where you did it for a really long time, and then one day you suddenly decided not to.

I know you told him to pick something up on the way home etc and he didn't (which was ridiculous of him!).

But was this a statement you were making about not wanting to be treated like this anymore?

If so, I think there are better ways you could have done it. If you were feeling resentful of doing all the cooking, couldn't you just have spoken to him about that directly rather than taking this random action and suddenly changing your established routine?

She didn't suddenly decide she won't cook. She was busy and gave him plenty of warning.

It wasn't a statement (maybe it should've been) if she simply didn't do it because she was busy and out of the house and told him so repeatedly.

Blondeshavemorefun · 15/05/2021 07:20

He works 6hrs. 2-8.

What does he do in am?

He could prepare his own meal before

He could also help with housework and hoover before work

You could have brought him a takeaway and waited for him if usually eat together

He could have got his own Takeaway

Dozer · 15/05/2021 07:23

Suggest that you take a long break from providing the hot meals service, and that he reflects on why he’s been ungrateful and sexist.

Globaluser · 15/05/2021 07:27

Why come on here to ask if “yabu” when you know fully well you’re not. And that 50s housewife comment is just uncalled for and sooo unoriginal! Come up with some better material people!!

WaltzesWithSnobs · 15/05/2021 07:40

Do some people seriously not eat dinner without their DH around? I know some people don't like to go to a restaurant alone but to not eat alone in your own home... So, if your DH passed away you'd just sit in your living room refusing food? "I can't eat! My husband isn't here!!'

pictish · 15/05/2021 08:00

@nancywhitehead

Obviously you're not a 1950's housewife and he shoudn't expect this of you.

But it did sound like you were in a bit of a routine where you did it for a really long time, and then one day you suddenly decided not to.

I know you told him to pick something up on the way home etc and he didn't (which was ridiculous of him!).

But was this a statement you were making about not wanting to be treated like this anymore?

If so, I think there are better ways you could have done it. If you were feeling resentful of doing all the cooking, couldn't you just have spoken to him about that directly rather than taking this random action and suddenly changing your established routine?

SUDDENLY decided not to! I wonder if he’s got over she shock yet...ha ha. Perhaps next time give him a few more days to process ‘not making dinner’ instead of just hitting him with it the day before and expecting him to understand what ‘not making dinner’ means straight away. Poor man. Maybe there’s a book you can read together?
MusicWithRocksIn1t · 15/05/2021 08:02

Who the hell wants a reheated McDonald's or chipper when you could just get yourself a fresh one?
Tell him to get to fuck he's being an idiot.

dottiedodah · 15/05/2021 08:07

He has got used to you always having a hot meal ready ,thats the problem! I would just do this again a couple more times. Then he will realise you are not a short order cook and sort out his own meals!

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 15/05/2021 08:08

Maybe there’s a book you can read together?

A nice social story with pictures.

Wifey is sometimes busy and doesn't have to cook. Hubby doesn't like it and can't understand it. Hubby is sad. Hubby is angry. Hubby is hungry. What could Hubby do?

Hallyup6 · 15/05/2021 08:11

@WaltzesWithSnobs

Do some people seriously not eat dinner without their DH around? I know some people don't like to go to a restaurant alone but to not eat alone in your own home... So, if your DH passed away you'd just sit in your living room refusing food? "I can't eat! My husband isn't here!!'
No, but I do have some empathy which seems to be sadly lacking on Mumsnet, towards men. Your argument is ridiculous.
WildfirePonie · 15/05/2021 08:11

Don't bother cooking for him at all after this.

pictish · 15/05/2021 08:14

Oh I know. OP has said she told him she was going to grab a McDonalds...who are you people that think she should have got one for him as well. Who would rather a reheated burger than stop off and get your own?

She TOLD him she wasn’t going to make dinner. She TOLD him she was going to get HERSELF a McDonalds.

He, inexplicably, came home expecting...what? The meal she TOLD him she wasn’t going to provide? Stupid fucking man if he did.

billy1966 · 15/05/2021 08:52

6 hour shift!

I have teens/20's doing that, that come in at 8 o clock and wouldn't dream of sulking over the lack of a hot meal.

What a whine.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 15/05/2021 09:00

I remember my ex partner who worked 12 hr shifts (4 day week) who thought I should do everything. Fine - if I hadn’t been working 16-18 days five or six days a week with a half hour cycle either way. He liked a wee drink so couldn’t drive to get me yadda yadda)

Anyway. He left all his pots lying and I’d had enough. So I left them. For a week till there wasn’t anything clean. (Childish I know but he didn’t see why he should wash them when I asked). His meals were made ready to heat up. He left a note on the freezer telling me to ‘tidy up - the house is a mess’ - his mess mind! He added to it every day discussing my failings. Didn’t like heating his tea, didn’t fancy this or that, etc. The garden needed weeding/grass cut too. He worked really hard (debatable) and his time off was precious.

Only when there was nothing left to eat from did he do it. And clearly realised that perhaps he’d pushed a bit too far. And tidied up his mess and cooked a meal.

Only I’d had enough and went out with my friend and his lovely husband for dinner at theirs.

He never pulled that again but it cast a bit of a shadow that.

Daffodil123456 · 15/05/2021 09:02

Why couldn’t you of picked him up a takeaway?

whatisforteamum · 15/05/2021 09:13

This resonated with me. My dh said for yrs my wife never cooks,to anyone and everyone he met.Im a chef and work at least 10 until 10 sometimes more.
In lockdown I did 80 % of it partly to kill time and I do enjoy cooking.
He doesn't say anything anymore.
After a 6 hour shift your dh wouldn't be tired.That is a half day for me.
Nip it in the bud if you can by going out more often.

DarcyLewis · 15/05/2021 09:22

@Daffodil123456

Why couldn’t you of picked him up a takeaway?
So he could enjoy a nice cold Maccie Ds when he gets back from work Confused If he's driving by there anyway he could have got himself a hot one...
Daffodil123456 · 15/05/2021 09:27

Microwave it lol

cushioncovers · 15/05/2021 09:30

Never ceases to amaze me why so many people men can't be happy with beans on toast with cheese grated over the top. It's a quick, hot and nutritious meal. Takes five mins to cook.