To be peed off because DH is salty that I didn’t have a hot dinner ready for him?!

[Vaselina]

DH works shifts, today he was working 2-8pm.

I told him last night that I was going to have a busy day today and was at my siblings this evening and wouldn’t be home til gone 7 so I said I’d just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or fish & chips or something on the way home.

He told me this morning he’d be home at 8.30/9pm. I said again, I won’t be cooking dinner as I won’t be home til a bit later myself. Reiterated again that I would just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or something.

That’s what I did.

DH messaged me at 8 to say he was leaving work and was there dinner for him, I said no, because I just grabbed something out. He has to drive through the same town as me to get back to our village, there is a fish and chip shop, McDonald’s, Chinese etc. He knew driving through it that there was no dinner for him at home.

He’s come home and appears annoyed, we had a bit of a row and he said ‘It’s the fact you didn’t think to have something hot ready for me when I came home. You didn’t think about me at all.’

I’m pissed off, just for the record, DH and I have been together for 7 years, he has worked shifts for 7 years and for the last 7 years I have pretty much always had a hot meal ready for him if he gets home at 8.30/9. The majority of the time obviously that means me waiting to eat until then too and sometimes I’m bloody starving by the time we do.

He’s now cooking something downstairs with a sour look on his face. I said I don’t know why he didn’t just stop and pick up something on the way home. We can afford it and it’s just the once!!

I’ve just said, I’m not a 1950’s housewife and don’t need to ‘think about and consider him’ 24/7. He’s a grown man! Fair enough if it was a regular occurrence but it’s not. AIBU?!

[phoenixrosehere]

I don't understand MN sometimes - when it comes to money it's family money but when it comes to cooking and food it's every man or woman for themselves confused

It was every man for himself on one occasion that his wife had plans that he had been told about twice.

It’s hardly separate meals for life hmm

Exactly. An adult should be able to manage that after being repeatedly told they would need to sort themselves out. If he’s able to cook for himself and their family, he should be able to pick something up for himself especially when he is passing numerous takeaways on his way home. He could have set a takeaway order in advance during his break (many takeaways do pre-orders) or planned something that morning (he didn’t have to work til the afternoon). He had PLENTY of time to sort his own meal out.

When one of us isn’t going to be home for dinner, we will let the other know our plans and double check them to be sure. Neither of us would expect the other to pick up something for the other unless one of us asked. Any plans could change in the timeframe that we’re out. We may decide we don’t want a takeaway or not want what the others want, eat something from home or pick up something from a shop, we may be coming home earlier or later than expected due to xyz so it is easier and makes sense for us to sort ourselves. My husband may be too hungry to wait if he’s out so he would let me know and depending how close he was to home, he would ask if I wanted something.

OP’s DH had ample opportunity, decided to be lazy, and now pouting like a tot because he chose not to take care of himself and still expected OP too despite her telling him her plans. He could have even communicated with OP and asked if she wouldn’t mind picking something up for him. Again, he chose not to. He only has himself to blame. I bet if the shoe was on the other foot, he would have done the same thing as OP and the only difference would be she would have simply taken care of herself but not pouted in the kitchen about having to.