To be peed off because DH is salty that I didn’t have a hot dinner ready for him?!

[Vaselina]

DH works shifts, today he was working 2-8pm.

I told him last night that I was going to have a busy day today and was at my siblings this evening and wouldn’t be home til gone 7 so I said I’d just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or fish & chips or something on the way home.

He told me this morning he’d be home at 8.30/9pm. I said again, I won’t be cooking dinner as I won’t be home til a bit later myself. Reiterated again that I would just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or something.

That’s what I did.

DH messaged me at 8 to say he was leaving work and was there dinner for him, I said no, because I just grabbed something out. He has to drive through the same town as me to get back to our village, there is a fish and chip shop, McDonald’s, Chinese etc. He knew driving through it that there was no dinner for him at home.

He’s come home and appears annoyed, we had a bit of a row and he said ‘It’s the fact you didn’t think to have something hot ready for me when I came home. You didn’t think about me at all.’

I’m pissed off, just for the record, DH and I have been together for 7 years, he has worked shifts for 7 years and for the last 7 years I have pretty much always had a hot meal ready for him if he gets home at 8.30/9. The majority of the time obviously that means me waiting to eat until then too and sometimes I’m bloody starving by the time we do.

He’s now cooking something downstairs with a sour look on his face. I said I don’t know why he didn’t just stop and pick up something on the way home. We can afford it and it’s just the once!!

I’ve just said, I’m not a 1950’s housewife and don’t need to ‘think about and consider him’ 24/7. He’s a grown man! Fair enough if it was a regular occurrence but it’s not. AIBU?!

[phoenixrosehere]

I don't understand MN sometimes - when it comes to money it's family money but when it comes to cooking and food it's every man or woman for themselves confused

It was every man for himself on one occasion that his wife had plans that he had been told about twice.

It’s hardly separate meals for life hmm

Exactly. An adult should be able to manage that after being repeatedly told they would need to sort themselves out. If he’s able to cook for himself and their family, he should be able to pick something up for himself especially when he is passing numerous takeaways on his way home. He could have set a takeaway order in advance during his break (many takeaways do pre-orders) or planned something that morning (he didn’t have to work til the afternoon). He had PLENTY of time to sort his own meal out.

When one of us isn’t going to be home for dinner, we will let the other know our plans and double check them to be sure. Neither of us would expect the other to pick up something for the other unless one of us asked. Any plans could change in the timeframe that we’re out. We may decide we don’t want a takeaway or not want what the others want, eat something from home or pick up something from a shop, we may be coming home earlier or later than expected due to xyz so it is easier and makes sense for us to sort ourselves. My husband may be too hungry to wait if he’s out so he would let me know and depending how close he was to home, he would ask if I wanted something.

OP’s DH had ample opportunity, decided to be lazy, and now pouting like a tot because he chose not to take care of himself and still expected OP too despite her telling him her plans. He could have even communicated with OP and asked if she wouldn’t mind picking something up for him. Again, he chose not to. He only has himself to blame. I bet if the shoe was on the other foot, he would have done the same thing as OP and the only difference would be she would have simply taken care of herself but not pouted in the kitchen about having to.

[ineedaholidaynow]

The OP did say early on that he cooks 40/50% of the time so he is not quite the Neanderthal that some people are painting him to be.

[JustLyra]

I don't understand MN sometimes - when it comes to money it's family money but when it comes to cooking and food it's every man or woman for themselves confused

It was every man for himself on one occasion that his wife had plans that he had been told about twice.

It’s hardly separate meals for life

[minniemomo]

I would have picked up something that could be reheated myself

[cakewench]

It doesn’t matter what she ‘could’ have done (predicted what takeaway she should have bought for him), she’d specifically told him she had plans, her plans didn’t involve sorting his food (do none of you have open ended plans ever? Your lives revolve around anticipating your husband’s feeding schedule?) and he needed to sort out his own food for the first time in a very long time.

She told him this, twice.

He still came home and was surprised that indeed, he needed to sort his own food.

She’s already said she normally does it all for him, this was an isolated incident, and yet some of you still are questioning her as if she should never have an evening where she doesn’t consider Himself and his food requirements after his arduous 6 hour shift.

[FrangipaniBlue]

So according to this thread one must never do anything for ones DP unless specifically asked to......

Okay then

[FrangipaniBlue]

@C8H10N4O2

I would've either got chips/chinese for us both and put his in the oven to keep warm, or I would've just waited and asked him to pick up something for us both on his way home. Just getting your own takeaway knowing he's only about an hour behind you is a little bit selfish IMO

Do you wipe his backside as well?

They both work, sounds like the OP is also doing the cleaning and cooking. He doesn't start work until 2pm. A functioning adult who holds down a job can get a meal organised before they leave home or pick one up after work.

Its pathetic honestly.

No, it's called being considerate and DH would and often does, do the same for me.

I don't understand MN sometimes - when it comes to money it's family money but when it comes to cooking and food it's every man or woman for themselves

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

Apparently my grandad once kicked off because my nana didn't have his tea on the table when he came in from work. The next day his tea was on the table as requested. Just not on a plate.

Love this OP, you need to work on developing that Nana 'Fuck You' energy.

[ShutUpAlex]

I’ve reheated many takeaways and they pretty much all taste exactly the fucking same.

[pictish]

Reheated Big Mac. Fucking hell.

[pictish]

And yes, takeaways/fast food are revolting and gloopy enough freshly served, never mind left to coagulate in the oven for an hour or more. Bleugh!

A curry could withstand it, but nothing else.

[iklboo]

Tbh honest my grandparents were married in the 1940s, my granny was a housewife, and there is no way my grandad would have behaved like this.

Apparently my grandad once kicked off because my nana didn't have his tea on the table when he came in from work. The next day his tea was on the table as requested. Just not on a plate.

[JesusInTheCabbageVan]

I would've either got chips/chinese for us both and put his in the oven to keep warm, or I would've just waited and asked him to pick up something for us both on his way home. Just getting your own takeaway knowing he's only about an hour behind you is a little bit selfish IMO

Any takeaway that's spent an hour+ keeping warm in the oven is going to be either mummified or sludge.

[PerspicaciousGreen]

I'm honestly surprised by the number of people who think OP could have picked up a takeaway for her DH while she was getting hers. Obviously some takeaway foods can stand reheating, but I'd be repelled by a fish and chips that had been sat around for an hour or two! It'd be all soggy and horrible. And even with a curry, surely the rice would be much nicer fresh?

Also, if he didn't ask her to get her anything, how would she know what he'd want? I'd find it a struggle to pick the right thing from a Chinese or Indian menu for my DH because we have such different tastes. And we get takeaways so rarely I wouldn't be able to remember what he'd had last time!

The logistics of that scenario just don't add up to me. My DH would end up with a random container of cold congealed food when he came in from his fourteen hour day down the mine six hour shift. I'm pretty sure he'd rather cook himself something from the freezer and have it as it was intended to be eaten!

[newnortherner111]

The only thing wrong with your decisions OP is going to McDonalds. Which does not affect the food your OH is getting or his response. Even more so as you had advised him earlier before he went to work. Someone who planned ahead and did not spring something last minute.

[billy1966]

@cushioncovers

Never ceases to amaze me why so many people men can't be happy with beans on toast with cheese grated over the top. It's a quick, hot and nutritious meal. Takes five mins to cook.

Love hot buttered toast with beans topped with cheese and black pepper.

A feast.

OP,
I hope to god you don't have children with this lazy, helpless, waster.

[GabsAlot]

is he stil sulking op

you told him 3 times you wouldnt be in to quick he could have either
a-asked yout o pick up something when you did
b-precooked his own meal before work

[AtomHeartMotherOfGod]

😂 about your come back, as after just reading the title I thought 'No, YANBU because we aren't living in the 1950s.'

He is being super ridiculous as you gave him loads of warning! My DH might be annoyed with me for not communicating my plans if they affected the usual pattern of meals in the evening (I can be a bit undependable in this area), and that would be fair, but not if you've said loads of times that you aren't cooking.

[Whatwouldscullydo]

Good god.

He was warned which was more than he deserved quite frankly. Anyone who'd prefer cold chips or a reheated macdonalds when they could make an omelette in the time it woukd take to heat that shit up has problems.

Are you his wife or his staff.

Fuck that

[SylvanianFrenemies]

Tbh honest my grandparents were married in the 1940s, my granny was a housewife, and there is no way my grandad would have behaved like this.

[DarcyLewis]

[quote Ponoka7]@DarcyLewis

"Sounds disgusting. Do people really buy takeaways an hour or more before they plan to eat it just to microwave it? I've only ever had a takeaway to eat right then"

Takeaways can be heated once. Sometimes they are better the next day, Indian for example. If heated the same day they taste the same. Nothing disgusting about it.[/quote]
Bit of a difference between a Big Mac and a curry.

[RightOnTheEdge]

cushioncovers I agree! I love beans on toast!

[RightOnTheEdge]

I can't believe the posters saying it depends on the background and do you work?
Why does it matter if the OP works or not?
It doesn't mean she has to be at his beck and call 24 hours a day!
Its a one off fgs, how hard is it to stop and get a takeaway or make yourself a quick meal?
His expectation of a "hot meal" on the table and his babyish whining of "You didn't think of me at all" would give me the instant ick!

[FourTurnings]

I ate that last night, cushioncovers and thoroughly enjoyed it. My kids turned it down in disgust 😀

[Ponoka7]

@DarcyLewis

"Sounds disgusting. Do people really buy takeaways an hour or more before they plan to eat it just to microwave it? I've only ever had a takeaway to eat right then"

Takeaways can be heated once. Sometimes they are better the next day, Indian for example. If heated the same day they taste the same. Nothing disgusting about it.