To be peed off because DH is salty that I didn’t have a hot dinner ready for him?!

[Vaselina]

DH works shifts, today he was working 2-8pm.

I told him last night that I was going to have a busy day today and was at my siblings this evening and wouldn’t be home til gone 7 so I said I’d just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or fish & chips or something on the way home.

He told me this morning he’d be home at 8.30/9pm. I said again, I won’t be cooking dinner as I won’t be home til a bit later myself. Reiterated again that I would just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or something.

That’s what I did.

DH messaged me at 8 to say he was leaving work and was there dinner for him, I said no, because I just grabbed something out. He has to drive through the same town as me to get back to our village, there is a fish and chip shop, McDonald’s, Chinese etc. He knew driving through it that there was no dinner for him at home.

He’s come home and appears annoyed, we had a bit of a row and he said ‘It’s the fact you didn’t think to have something hot ready for me when I came home. You didn’t think about me at all.’

I’m pissed off, just for the record, DH and I have been together for 7 years, he has worked shifts for 7 years and for the last 7 years I have pretty much always had a hot meal ready for him if he gets home at 8.30/9. The majority of the time obviously that means me waiting to eat until then too and sometimes I’m bloody starving by the time we do.

He’s now cooking something downstairs with a sour look on his face. I said I don’t know why he didn’t just stop and pick up something on the way home. We can afford it and it’s just the once!!

I’ve just said, I’m not a 1950’s housewife and don’t need to ‘think about and consider him’ 24/7. He’s a grown man! Fair enough if it was a regular occurrence but it’s not. AIBU?!

More sexist bollocks, putting the mental load on the woman.

Why couldn’t he just tell OP that get me a takeaway as well?!

If she’d got him Chinese he would have moaned that he wanted Indian!

This was deliberate fuckery on his part.

Did you mean to put a 2 till 8 shift, or did you mean 12 till 8?

If 2 till 8 then lol a 6 hour shift and he couldn't prepare something before he went off to work 😂 what a tit

You have made a right skivvy out of yourself if he cannot accept he won't have a hot meal waiting for him for ONE night.

That you had to repeatedly warn him is ery telling.

He sounds like a twat.

That sour face would give me the ick.

I think you were perfectly reasonable. You told him you were having a takeaway, he knew you weren't cooking and to sort himself out. He could have asked what takeaway you were having and could you get him one and keep it warm but because he didn't I would have assumed he was sorting himself out.

I don't cook for my husband on a regular basis anyway, he eats freezer food because he's picky and I like properly cooked meals so I cook for me and the kids and leave him to sort himself unless it's something he will eat. He doesn't cook so he wouldn't make anything for me unless it was freezer food.

"Not because you HAVE TO, but because I think it's a nice thing to do for your partner"

"And gods forbid the woman isn't "nice". Why couldn't he organise something in the morning before he went to work for both of them to eat when they got home?

Why is it always the woman's job?"

It's not the woman's job and if you'd like to quote my full post I said I'd only do this if he reciprocated if the roles were reversed. I also said that as he cooks 50% of the time, it's not as if she's constantly expected to cook for him.

If one person is at home and has eaten already, and the other is on the way home late after work, yes I do think it's "nice" to think of them and whack something quick in the oven.

If you take offence at doing something nice for your partner, then fine, entirely your choice. But don't make this out to be some huge anti-feminist decision because it's really fucking not. Just going to say it one more time for emphasis, I'd only be willing to do this if he would do the same for me. If I'd been out working and my partner had been at home a while, and they "couldn't be arsed" to put something in the oven I'd be salty too.

Me and DP both work shifts him usually later. I always tell him when I can’t cook him dinner and he arranges something else. It’s not hard. Sounds like he’s just being an asshole. He will get over it and maybe the next time you pre warn him he will actually sort something out with out having a hissy fit!

It is not especiially healthy to "starve" yourself, and then eat later on. Plus other consequences, depending when you go to bed.

It can actually play a part in triggering diabetes.

I was married to a man who expected (endorsed by his mother) his "tea on the the table" afetr work (skilled blue collar).
Back in 1986.

He actually used to phone me from home to my office (45 minutes away) and complain and ask when I would be home - to make the "tea". (I was trying to forge a career in advertising/marketing, so no real "clock-off" time; he pretty soon put paid to that by making me choose - him or the job )

He then changed his job to work 8 until 3 - but would call me saying he would be working overtime (hmmm) until 6, and then call me and tell me he was working until 9. I gave up cooking in the end.

But that was "back then"....... There are so many ways for both or either of you to prep in advance - or takeout and delivery options.... Now, I use a digital pressure cooker - delay timer, keep warm, reheat options. And most things are healthy. I have not had a disaster in over two years of using it 5 days out 7. That said, I am not married now - and only cook for a friend. Even so, I am doing it to his schedule - and it is starting to get me down as the late eating is making me quite ill.

Don't be me, is what I, in my long-winded way, am saying.

Hopefully he will soon calm down get off his high horse and apologise?

Id fettle him and give him a pot noodle, it’s hot and a meal, yanbu he is a man child

If you had a busy day and he wasn't working til 2 why couldn't HE have prepped something for both of you, so you also had a hot dinner waiting when you got in?

I don't understand why you wouldn't eat when you are hungry, why are you waiting.
Sounds like you've made a rod for your own back.

We have a rule in our house, dinner is 5 give or take half hour each way depending who’s cooking, if your here your here if your not your not..and you sort out your own. DP told me he was working late today so he would organise his own dinner, me, my mum and the kids all had dinner together.

He works 2-8?! That’s only 6 hours. Hardly a long shift.
What was he doing all morning? He could have prepped a meal ready to put on tonight.
I would ignore his sour face.

What the actual fuck are people asking if you work for??? You were out, you are not required to be someone’s 24/7 fucking scullery maid whether or not you have employment out of the house. Honestly hes giving me the rage.

He had the whole morning free to sort something for himself.

His shift was only 6 hours long, that’s nothing and you let him know and he can’t get his own food. Saying he expected me to have food ready for him like I was from the 50’s would have had me reacting the same way,

Being spoken to as if I was a child who had not done her chores properly would not go down well with me.

I note that he rang just before leaving work to ask about the food situation, whereupon he was reminded that no, there would not be food on the table. So he didn't just turn up to find there wasn't any, he was specifically told before he drove past the takeaways. That sounds like someone who is trying to make a Statement out of being poor starved man flogging guts out to keep a roof over their heads etc. (Six hour shift? Nice work if you can get it.)

I honestly simply not get some men, my DH works full time while, I'm SAHM with a 2 and 4 year old, I mainly concentrate on the house day to day, he deals with bed times and during the night when/if they need it, he also plans and sorts dinners and breakfast everyday, this has all happened naturally over time and not sure we have ever really spoken about it as it just happens, what is the difference which makes them all act so differently? Upbringing? Social status? Peer group? Work? It's baffling!

He worked six fucking hours. He’s not spent 14 hours down a mine. Jesus Christ. And even if he had, that is pathetic. And horrifically sexist and outdated. None of which get my motor running, I don’t know about you.

How deeply unattractive

I have no words..... Why just why would you behave like this, and why in god's name would you put up with it. I couldn't bring myself to cook for the twunt ever again

While I would have offered to get him takeaway at the same time I was picking my own up, I do think he expected you to change your plans to accommodate him. He's gotten spoilt and is now taking you for granted. Time to put a stop to it, I think. He'd be getting fewer meals made by me until he started to appreciate that I was doing it to be considerate, not because it was my responsibility!
Even if you didn't work, it's still not on to ignore what you said and expect to be waited on anyway! You are not his skivvy!

He is being an utter twat. Please tell him so.