To be peed off because DH is salty that I didn’t have a hot dinner ready for him?!

[Vaselina]

DH works shifts, today he was working 2-8pm.

I told him last night that I was going to have a busy day today and was at my siblings this evening and wouldn’t be home til gone 7 so I said I’d just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or fish & chips or something on the way home.

He told me this morning he’d be home at 8.30/9pm. I said again, I won’t be cooking dinner as I won’t be home til a bit later myself. Reiterated again that I would just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or something.

That’s what I did.

DH messaged me at 8 to say he was leaving work and was there dinner for him, I said no, because I just grabbed something out. He has to drive through the same town as me to get back to our village, there is a fish and chip shop, McDonald’s, Chinese etc. He knew driving through it that there was no dinner for him at home.

He’s come home and appears annoyed, we had a bit of a row and he said ‘It’s the fact you didn’t think to have something hot ready for me when I came home. You didn’t think about me at all.’

I’m pissed off, just for the record, DH and I have been together for 7 years, he has worked shifts for 7 years and for the last 7 years I have pretty much always had a hot meal ready for him if he gets home at 8.30/9. The majority of the time obviously that means me waiting to eat until then too and sometimes I’m bloody starving by the time we do.

He’s now cooking something downstairs with a sour look on his face. I said I don’t know why he didn’t just stop and pick up something on the way home. We can afford it and it’s just the once!!

I’ve just said, I’m not a 1950’s housewife and don’t need to ‘think about and consider him’ 24/7. He’s a grown man! Fair enough if it was a regular occurrence but it’s not. AIBU?!

[Longdistance]

He needs to have a word with himself.
Seriously, he’s been told twice there’s no food. I tell my dh beforehand only once and he’ll sort himself. It depends on the day.

[AccidentallyOnPurpose]

Tell him to be grateful and count his blessings. I don't cook for OH at all.

[Feather12]

for the last 7 years I have pretty much always had a hot meal ready for him if he gets home at 8.30/9. The majority of the time obviously that means me waiting to eat until then too and sometimes I’m bloody starving by the time we do.
This is where you went wrong.

[BonnieDundee]

Come on OP, YABVU. He can't cook for himself, he has a penis which surely precludes him from such trivial matters?

not really. Ignore him

[Moon22]

You are definitely not being unreasonable. He probably realises this too and is just being irritating for whatever reason/no reason/we all are sometimes!
It's one meal. He isn't going to die of starvation..You told him to get his own tea. I would give this no more of your precious time or energy. And I would also not be cooking a big tea tomorrow! Beans on toast it is.. take it or leave it!

[Ohnomyteeth]

So you work, he doesn't start till 2 and he's pissed of at you for not doing any food prep? He's hardly doing a long shift is he? What a drama queen.

[C8H10N4O2]

I would've either got chips/chinese for us both and put his in the oven to keep warm, or I would've just waited and asked him to pick up something for us both on his way home. Just getting your own takeaway knowing he's only about an hour behind you is a little bit selfish IMO

Do you wipe his backside as well?

They both work, sounds like the OP is also doing the cleaning and cooking. He doesn't start work until 2pm. A functioning adult who holds down a job can get a meal organised before they leave home or pick one up after work.

Its pathetic honestly.

[CutieBear]

Get a slow cooker so you can both eat the same meal, but at different times. Also, would you be pissed off if your DH bought a takeaway, but nothing for you?

[Undersnatch]

I am totally distracted by your use of salty in this context, I have never heard it used to describe a person and thought you were ridiculous until DH told me it was a thing and I googled. Every day a school day! As you were.

[CadburyCake]

He’s hardly done a 12 hour shift down a mine, and he’s been told, so he’s being an arse. My DH would be delighted if I told him to pick up his own choice of takeaway on his way home, I was already fed - normally takeaways are shared so a good excuse for him to have something I don’t like!

And if he was that bothered could he not have asked nicely, on leaving work, if you’d shove a frozen pizza in the oven for him or something? Or is it just me that has a freezer drawer of food that involves nothing more than going in the oven for days I can’t be bothered actually cooking?

[Stichintime]

I probably would have got a Chinese, with enough for him to blast in the microwave when he got back.

[feelingfree17]

Simple! If you tell him you are not cooking, then that is it. Enough said.
If he chooses not to get a takeaway, sort himself out, then that is his problem. It is not your duty to ensure he is always fed. He should respect the fact that you were busy and you were just sorting your own food. He could have done the same without a drama.

[DinaofCloud9]

He could have asked her to pick him up a takeaway too when she told him she was getting one. He obviously wasn't bothered or wasn't listening

[Gilly12345]

Why did you not pick him up a takeaway on the way home when you bought yours?

[Nopenopenopenooooo]

My Dh would have got some food in for me if he was getting some anyway and I’d do the same for him. Tbh I’d be a bit miffed if he didn’t get me something unless I specifically said I didn’t want what he was getting. He could have asked you to pick something up at the same time?

Is this tip of the iceberg for you? Are you generally not getting on?

[HavelockVetinari]

@crankysaurus

Buy him a slow cooker, he could put on something before he goes to work at 2 in the afternoon and have something hot then. He's obviously demonstrating that he can cook for himself.

Erm, no. He can buy his own slow cooker if he wants one. It is not OP's job to sort out his inability to plan.

[aiwblam]

What a prick.

[mainsfed]

I think he deliberately didn’t stop for a takeaway, to make you feel bad.

What a twat.

[MumsTheWordFact]

Lots of chip on their shoulder answers here, a lot of people salty about women cooking just because it was the default 70 years ago.

It seems to me that the husband was just as annoyed that you'd sorted yourself out with a takeaway but not him, not specifically that you didn't cook. The OP even admitted that she just couldn't be arsed. Would anyone here be annoyed if their other half could have easily done something for the both of you but didn't because they couldn't be arsed?

[VonWeasel]

My other half always gets extra takeaway in case I fancy some. I would have done the same for him in this situation. No drama. Especially if you were out getting one anyway.

Don't know the full context of your situation but I sometimes cook dinner for us both and if I am really hungry, then I don't wait. He can have his later. It's never been an issue.

[ExhaustedFlamingo]

You're not in the wrong for not cooking for him. If you told him as often as you say, then he's a dickhead for not listening and only has himself to blame.

But honestly, if I was at home and my DP messaged me at 8pm to ask about dinner, I'd check if he wanted to pick himself up a takeaway but if not, I'd chuck something quickly in the oven. Not because you HAVE TO, but because I think it's a nice thing to do for your partner. After being at work all day, he's then got to come home and immediately cook, and it's going to mean a late dinner for him. I don't know why you wouldn't do that for a DP - especially when you say he cooks more or less half the time anyway, so it's not as if he doesn't do his share. Of course, I'd only do this on the proviso that he would do the same in return for me.... It's just nice to think about each other and I don't see that it's a great hardship.

Personally if I were him, I'd have been jumping at the chance to get a Chinese but there you go.

[phoenixrosehere]

I'll be totally honest, I would've either got chips/chinese for us both and put his in the oven to keep warm, or I would've just waited and asked him to pick up something for us both on his way home. Just getting your own takeaway knowing he's only about an hour behind you is a little bit selfish IMO.

Or he could have asked OP to pick something up for him. He’s not a child and would have driven past the same takeaways as OP. Why should she wait for him so she can eat? It’s a one-off. My husband and I discuss meals often. If either one of us is out for the evening, we sort ourselves. My husband wouldn’t expect me to have something ready for him and vice versa unless I ASKED him to which neither one of us wouldn’t unless we were minutes away, not an hour or more like OP’s DH. Besides, who wouldn’t want a fresh hot meal from the takeaway vs one that has been sitting at home for an hour plus and likely needs to be reheated.

He was being lazy. He honey OP was going to be out, could have asked OP to pick something up for him or picked something up himself. OP is not a mind reader nor his mum. Heck, my own MIL would ask my husband why he didn’t sort himself if he pulled such crap on me that OP’s DH is doing. He’s a grown man and should act like one instead of a sulky child.

[phoenixrosehere]

*would

[C8H10N4O2]

Not because you HAVE TO, but because I think it's a nice thing to do for your partner

And gods forbid the woman isn't "nice". Why couldn't he organise something in the morning before he went to work for both of them to eat when they got home?

Why is it always the woman's job?