To be peed off because DH is salty that I didn’t have a hot dinner ready for him?!

[Vaselina]

DH works shifts, today he was working 2-8pm.

I told him last night that I was going to have a busy day today and was at my siblings this evening and wouldn’t be home til gone 7 so I said I’d just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or fish & chips or something on the way home.

He told me this morning he’d be home at 8.30/9pm. I said again, I won’t be cooking dinner as I won’t be home til a bit later myself. Reiterated again that I would just be grabbing myself a McDonald’s or something.

That’s what I did.

DH messaged me at 8 to say he was leaving work and was there dinner for him, I said no, because I just grabbed something out. He has to drive through the same town as me to get back to our village, there is a fish and chip shop, McDonald’s, Chinese etc. He knew driving through it that there was no dinner for him at home.

He’s come home and appears annoyed, we had a bit of a row and he said ‘It’s the fact you didn’t think to have something hot ready for me when I came home. You didn’t think about me at all.’

I’m pissed off, just for the record, DH and I have been together for 7 years, he has worked shifts for 7 years and for the last 7 years I have pretty much always had a hot meal ready for him if he gets home at 8.30/9. The majority of the time obviously that means me waiting to eat until then too and sometimes I’m bloody starving by the time we do.

He’s now cooking something downstairs with a sour look on his face. I said I don’t know why he didn’t just stop and pick up something on the way home. We can afford it and it’s just the once!!

I’ve just said, I’m not a 1950’s housewife and don’t need to ‘think about and consider him’ 24/7. He’s a grown man! Fair enough if it was a regular occurrence but it’s not. AIBU?!

[LannieDuck]

Why did he expect you to cook something when you'd told him twice that you wouldn't be cooking this evening?

[Shehasadiamondinthesky]

If he was my husband he wouldn't dare do this more than once.

[DIshedUp]

He is being unreasonable to pick a fight with you when he got home, he knew you weren't cooking him anything because you'd told him several times. Something hot is definitely a phrase used solely by misogynistic men.

However tbh Id be a bit annoyed if DP got a takeaway only an hour before I got home and didn't order me something I could eat when I got home or wait for me. That seems a bit petty

[C8H10N4O2]

If you take offence at doing something nice for your partner, then fine, entirely your choice


This is just nonsense. He does less than half the cooking and then only if he isn't "too busy". The OP also works and does the cleaning and pickups and in 7 yrs has been expected to have the big man's dinner ready for him after every shift.

Its not about being "nice" its about being a doormat to a grown man who can't be arsed to organise one dinner or even ask the OP to pick up something from the takeaway for him.

Why does being "nice" never apply to these lazy man children?

On the one hand you say it should be reciprocated but you still advocate that the OP should have sorted out the manchild's dinner in addition to a day's work, kids, cleaning and everything else.

[SheldonesqueTheBstard]

I would be cooking him a hot meal.

Pot noodle.

Every mealtime until he came to his senses.

[Yaya26]

He worked 2- 8. It's hardly like he was down the mine FFS.

[Leeds2]

I would've ordered home delivery takeaway to eat together when he got home. I like to eat together, rather than just doing something for oneself.

[EL8888]

@Leeds2 she already said she’s sick of eating late. It’s not all about him. Even though he clearly thinks it is

Kudos to who suggested the Pot Noodle, that’s what he would be getting off me

He’s a fucking child. She told him a few times and lm sure it’s nice for her to do her own thing from time to time. Plus she had had a busy enough days already. It’s hardly as if he had a gruelling day at work. My fiancé works 12.5 hour shifts and he would give me zero grief if l didn’t have “a hot dinner waiting for him”. He didn’t tonight for example have any dinner made for him, as l have been ill in bed most of the day.

[Namenic]

Yanbu. Unless he has an illness or other difficulties, he should be able to feed himself. Most shift workers do.

[VeganCheeseandWine]

I don't think it's misogyny as such. I think he's just being a total idiot here. You told him multiple times you would be out. He could have got a takeaway on his way home.

[Panpastels]

Use this to break the awful routine you've got yourself saddled with.

[Arena5]

** I like to eat together, rather than just doing something for oneself



Fackin hell

[Mothership4two]

Why did you not pick him up a takeaway on the way home when you bought yours?

Maybe because he didn't ask after being told several times that that was what OP was going to do?

[Quaagars]

YADNBU
You'd told him you won't be in to cook a meal.
You sorted yourself out, there's no reason he couldn't have done the same.
I'd have told him to knob off if he'd tried that on me, assuming you didn't you're politer than me lol

[phoenixrosehere]

However tbh Id be a bit annoyed if DP got a takeaway only an hour before I got home and didn't order me something I could eat when I got home or wait for me. That seems a bit petty

Wouldn’t you be the petty one to be a bit annoyed when you could have asked your dp to order something for you?


I would've ordered home delivery takeaway to eat together when he got home. I like to eat together, rather than just doing something for oneself.

Good grief. It was a one-off and she told him repeatedly what the situation was and what she was doing. She has had to wait for him in the past but he can’t survive a day knowing the situation to get his own food. That’s ridiculous. Maybe he should have his mum do it then when OP doesn’t since he can’t seem to be a functioning adult when it comes to getting his own food.

[Quaagars]

@FrangipaniBlue

Was he actually expecting a meal to be cooked or was he more annoyed that you'd got yourself a hot takeaway and not him?

I'll be totally honest, I would've either got chips/chinese for us both and put his in the oven to keep warm, or I would've just waited and asked him to pick up something for us both on his way home. Just getting your own takeaway knowing he's only about an hour behind you is a little bit selfish IMO.

Context is everything though - does he usually get arsey and expect you to cook for him? If so then he is being massively unreasonable.

An hour behind though, it'd be cold by time he gets home?
OP said he drives through same places, no reason why he couldn't have done the same and picked something up when he was ready

[YellowMonday]

You are absolutely not being unreasonable! You gave him the heads up that you would not be preparing dinner and imagine the taste of cold Maccas if you had bought him a meal when you got yours.

Your husband easily could have prepared himself dinner in the morning before work, to reheat, or grabbed a takeaway on the way home (which would be a 5 minute detour).

Might be time to have a chat around expectation for you to be expected to be responsible for cooking? Does he have breakfast cooked and ready for you every morning before your work?

[GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing]

Ya definitely nbu OP. He was being an utter twunt.

What is it about the word “hot” in this context that’s so very annoying?

[Kettledodger]

Three times you told him you weren't cooking. Three times he chose not to listen!

[everythingbackbutyou]

It doesn't matter if OP works outside the home or doesn't. She is still not obliged to provide her partner with dinner, especially seeing as she already told him twice she wouldn't be cooking tonight.

[JustSomeDude123]

couldve just picked him up a cheeseburger while u were at mcdonalds lmao. even if it isnt what he wanted its still considerate. not unreasonable, just being a bit thick

[phoenixrosehere]

couldve just picked him up a cheeseburger while u were at mcdonalds lmao. even if it isnt what he wanted its still considerate. not unreasonable, just being a bit thick

Nothing says I care like a reheated McDonald’s Cheeseburger.. 😂😂

Bet he still would have sulked.

Thank the stars my husband can manage to sort himself when he is hungry like a reasonable adult would.

[Nopenopenopenooooo]

@phoenixrosehere

However tbh Id be a bit annoyed if DP got a takeaway only an hour before I got home and didn't order me something I could eat when I got home or wait for me. That seems a bit petty

Wouldn’t you be the petty one to be a bit annoyed when you could have asked your dp to order something for you?

I would've ordered home delivery takeaway to eat together when he got home. I like to eat together, rather than just doing something for oneself.

Good grief. It was a one-off and she told him repeatedly what the situation was and what she was doing. She has had to wait for him in the past but he can’t survive a day knowing the situation to get his own food. That’s ridiculous. Maybe he should have his mum do it then when OP doesn’t since he can’t seem to be a functioning adult when it comes to getting his own food.

Yeah tbf I was thinking about my context, my DH would automatically have offered to get me something and I would either say “yeah I’ll have xyz thanks” or would have said I’ll sort myself out. You’re not wrong (was having a glass of wine yesterday and obviously not thinking clearly).

I would find it odd if i said i wasn’t cooking and DH still expected a home cooked meal, but thats because the convo would still have started with “I’m getting a pizza what do you want” .

All seems a bit passive aggressive and looking for an argument.

Hands up I was wrong with my first response.

[custardbear]

If that was me I'd probably have offered to pick up his portion from wherever I was going with the additional info that it would be cold and better if he stopped on the way home - I find men my DH needs walking through the whole scenario
I usually cook but if I'm late finishing work on a night where he and the kids are doing something like scouts (that I don't get involved with) he'll often just put something like fish and chips in the oven from the freezer, he always asks if I want some knowing I'll say no I'll get myself something - I guess it's just that clarity so people don't get the hump 😋

[timeisnotaline]

The op taking it on to order takeaway for both of them puts dinner on her, and makes her evening plans fixed. She might have wanted to be free to leave her siblings place when suited, rather than have to be back as she’s bringing dinner, he might prefer different takeaway to her and it’s nice not to have that discussion, lots of people don’t like takeaway once it’s cold, so many possibilities! He literally drove past the takeaway places, having been told twice there was nothing at home. The only thing she isn’t doing is wiping his bottom.