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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to provide lunch?

197 replies

MadamMagda · 14/05/2021 09:31

Family member provides free childcare two days a week. Three hours each day. They pick DC up from Nursery at 12 and look after them until I get home at 3. This has only been happening a month and will only be until the end of August.

To start with, I didn't provide anything specific for lunch and family member would rustle up something for lunch from the fridge or freezer. Family member has a few mobility problems and was finding it difficult to bend and use the oven, etc. And also didn't want to be cooking lunch every time. So, I started getting in some easy lunches. Today I have nothing in so nipped to the shop. All they had was one of those dairylea lunchables so I got that for DC and a couple of other things. I did look to see if I could get something for family member too but there wasn't anything they would have liked.

Now, I feel like they might moan about this or think I've been rude. But, usually they don't eat lunch anyway when they are home by themselves. Though, when here they would occasionally join and have lunch with DC. But is it bad that I sort lunch for my DC but nothing for family member?

I'm quite unorganised in regards to food shopping and sorting lunches.

OP posts:
Trixie78 · 14/05/2021 09:35

No it's not rude, my in laws look after my kids and I only ever send food for thought them. I wouldn't think anything of it if I was looking after my nephews I wouldn't expect to be provided food as well. You're overthinking 👍

Seasidemumma77 · 14/05/2021 09:36

Surely you at least have the option of toast available? If I was looking after your child regularly for free between 12 and 3pm I would expect you to have made a packed lunch for your child, or to have left a simple microwavable meal for your child.

ComtesseDeSpair · 14/05/2021 09:37

Why don’t you ask them if there’s anything in particular they’d like you to have in for their lunch on those days or if they’re happy to just make themselves a sandwich with whatever you have in the fridge? They’re a relative, proving you with childcare, presumably you speak?

luxxlisbon · 14/05/2021 09:37

I think it is fine if you are sending DC to someone else's home with a packed lunch just for them but if someone was looking after children in my home, for free and over a meal time then I would generally make sure there was food in the house for them.
Same with a family friend babysitter over the evening.

Wallabyone · 14/05/2021 09:37

I think it's polite to have some easy things in for lunch-bread, cheese, ham, some fruit. Especially if it's a grandparent who has mobility problems.

GoddessKali · 14/05/2021 09:38

Where is your child being cared for, at your house or at theirs?

If they look after the child at your house then YABU
If they look after the child in their own home then YANBU

NoSquirrels · 14/05/2021 09:40

Just drop them a text to say you struggled to get any food in for lunch today so they might want to bring a sandwich?

The longer-term solution is to get more organised with a food shop. Do it online, order the sand lunch stuff every week, then it won’t be an issue.

FishintheStream · 14/05/2021 09:40

Is family member at your house or their house? If your house YABU not to have some basic bread/snacks in for them. If their house YANBU not to take them lunch.

PurpleDaisies · 14/05/2021 09:40

Free childcare with mobility issues and you can’t be bothered to organise yourself enough to provide them with a lunch they like?
Have a conversation with them about what they would like and provide that. It’s much cheaper than paying for actual childcare.

arethereanyleftatall · 14/05/2021 09:40

I think a nice thing for you to do, to show them your appreciation, is to provide them with a ready made lunch every day.

Elouera · 14/05/2021 09:41

Providing lunch for your child only is fine.

Rather than lunch for the relative- which might be something they don't like/eat, why not give them some cash or a voucher for a supermarket for the free childcare! FAR more useful IMO. Imagine what you are saving in 3mths of free childcare!

dreamingbohemian · 14/05/2021 09:44

YABU

They're doing you a huge favour, it's not that hard to have some lunch on hand twice a week

If they start to feel unappreciated they may decide to stop helping

Wannakisstheteacher · 14/05/2021 09:44

Today 09:40 PurpleDaisies

Free childcare with mobility issues and you can’t be bothered to organise yourself enough to provide them with a lunch they like?
Have a conversation with them about what they would like and provide that. It’s much cheaper than paying for actual childcare.

this. You are coming across as an absolute freeloader.

Original poster
MadamMagda · 14/05/2021 09:45

It is at my house, yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
MadamMagda · 14/05/2021 09:46

There's food in, cheese, bread, butter, freezer full. No ham or anything like that though.

OP posts:
wildeverose · 14/05/2021 09:47

Yeah you're being cheap tbh. They're providing free childcare in your home. Would it be that hard to have something to make a simple lunch in?

InDubiousBattle · 14/05/2021 09:47

I think YABU, you need to get a bit more organised! If someone is going to be doing some childcare in your home between12 and 3 you should make sure you have some bits in for them to make themselves some lunch.

Footloosefancyfree · 14/05/2021 09:47

Your taking the Mickey so this family member has reduced mobility and is fetching your 3 year old from nursery who are a handle full at that age and then struggles to bend down to get the oven. What if the child ran off. Organise wrap around plenty of nurseries or childminders will pick up from nursery for you.

Shoxfordian · 14/05/2021 09:47

As long as they can help themselves then I would be fine with a cheese sandwich

AlmostSummer21 · 14/05/2021 09:48

YABU not to have food in that they can eat.

What else have you got in for your child? A Dairy Lea dunker isn't enough for lunch.

You have a child now, it's time to grow up snd get organised with your food shopping.

That's a massive amount of free childcare you're getting between now & August, it'll save you a fortune. The least you can do is have a conversation about lunches with your relative.

Blindstupid · 14/05/2021 09:52

So the person providing free childcare has reduced mobility so you make sure you have something in so they don’t have to cook in view of this? But you still let/allow/expect them to run around after your toddler?? Really OP, forget the lunch and organise proper childcare.

Meowchickameowmeow · 14/05/2021 09:52

If they're looking after your child at your house then, of course, you should have something in for lunch. What are the rest of you going to eat if the cupboards are bare?

JustLyra · 14/05/2021 09:55

This has got to be a reverse surely?

OP tell your family member they’re taking the piss and to sort out alternative childcare.

You’re saving them a fortune, putting yourself out and they can’t even be bothered to have things in for your lunch. It’s rude and disrespectful.

Hoppinggreen · 14/05/2021 09:57

I’m surprised they can manage a 3 year old when they have mobility issues.
That aside it looks like from what you have said they can have a cheese sandwich at least

Bluntness100 · 14/05/2021 09:58

Surely this is a reverse? Why would you go out and buy a dairy Lea lunchable?