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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to provide lunch?

197 replies

MadamMagda · 14/05/2021 09:31

Family member provides free childcare two days a week. Three hours each day. They pick DC up from Nursery at 12 and look after them until I get home at 3. This has only been happening a month and will only be until the end of August.

To start with, I didn't provide anything specific for lunch and family member would rustle up something for lunch from the fridge or freezer. Family member has a few mobility problems and was finding it difficult to bend and use the oven, etc. And also didn't want to be cooking lunch every time. So, I started getting in some easy lunches. Today I have nothing in so nipped to the shop. All they had was one of those dairylea lunchables so I got that for DC and a couple of other things. I did look to see if I could get something for family member too but there wasn't anything they would have liked.

Now, I feel like they might moan about this or think I've been rude. But, usually they don't eat lunch anyway when they are home by themselves. Though, when here they would occasionally join and have lunch with DC. But is it bad that I sort lunch for my DC but nothing for family member?

I'm quite unorganised in regards to food shopping and sorting lunches.

OP posts:
CarnationCat · 14/05/2021 13:48

Don't be so hard on yourself OP.

You had food in like you said: bread, butter, cheese, tuna, freezer food. Your mum could have a slice of toast, a tuna sandwich or something out the freezer if she doesn't like the cheese.

Yes, you should make sure there is a nice lunch in that she likes but you obviously have had lots of options in.

I like the idea of buying her a present to thank her. If I was you, I would get her a bottle of wine and some chocolates for this weekend to let her know you appreciate her and what she's doing.

CarnationCat · 14/05/2021 13:50

I said a present this weekend but as she's an hour away, I would give it to her next week if you're not seeing her this weekend Flowers

cuparfull · 14/05/2021 13:53

If you are getting free childcare then you provide the food and don't make excuses you're disorganised!

You can order in a week ahead and get some specials for the caregiver. Don't be lame. Don't take advantage!

ilovesooty · 14/05/2021 13:56

@Jaxhog

Wow, that sounds pretty mean!

I have a friend who occasionally cat-sits for me. I fill the fridge with food I know she likes. Seems like the least I can do.

When I pet sit I'm provided with either prepared sandwiches or a ready meal and told to help myself to anything else.
SunshineCake · 14/05/2021 13:57

I can't understand how you'd buy food for your child and not something for the person looking after them, unless you knew there was definitely something in that they could manage to cook. It feels like the neighbour who bought food for himself and kids and not his wife. If I had workmen in and went to the chippy or bakery I would offer to get them something.

OhTheIronyOfItAll · 14/05/2021 14:02

@MadamMagda

Also she has an hour drive from her house each way. So yes, I can see I'm BU.
Shock Please say you are at least paying her petrol money
katy1213 · 14/05/2021 14:02

Free childcare and you can't even provide a decent sandwich? And no, I don't mean Dairylea!
What a CF!

Marcipex · 14/05/2021 14:02

Of course you need to provide food. Easy food. There’s no need to cook at all, a sandwich or wrap with salad and a yogurt/fruit is fine.
It should be ready assembled in the fridge, or very obvious what is for lunch.

ilovesooty · 14/05/2021 14:04

I'm glad you posted that you'd had a rethink. That takes guts when you've had a pasting. Your mum sounds lovely.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 14/05/2021 14:06

Glad you've taken it on board, refreshing to see instead of posters who have been unreasonable and then lashed out when told that!

I think a bunch of flowers and a bottle of something with a thank you note next week would be a nice gesture and bloody well deserved considering how much she helps you.

Make her feel appreciated, she sounds lovely.

JemimaJoy · 14/05/2021 15:04

Yes. Very rude.

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 14/05/2021 15:36

@MadamMagda - phew, what a thread!

Going forward, (if you don't already) you could also see if she wants to stay later for dinner sometimes with you and family in the evening - she might like this if she has a long drive home & will then also get to enjoy some quality time with both of you once you're home as well and you can sort the food so she doesn't have to worry :)

StellaLeonte · 14/05/2021 21:29

That’s nice you’ve admitted to being unreasonable, good for you for saying so. I’d get your mum a gift each month, maybe best not to wait until August.

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 15/05/2021 17:54

YABVU Find it hard to believe the shop didn’t have bread, ham, cheese, yoghurt, fruit, crisps, tinned soups, tinned ravioli etc

woofgoesthecat · 15/05/2021 18:16

YABU - get organised with your shopping, it’s not difficult.

Weareallvirgins · 15/05/2021 18:19

A dairylea lunchables isnt a lunch. Its full of shite and fat. Time to grow up and get organised with food shopping. Guests need food if they looking after ur child. Prep a big bowl of salad to go with those gross lunchables and a full fruit bowl or make some soup and a bagette

icedgem85 · 15/05/2021 18:24

Yabu!!! So they go hungry because you couldn’t be arsed to go shopping? You couldn’t get bread and cheese at least!? Really not nice, very cheap and lazy!! My childcare is 800 a month for one child, 2 days. If I’d forgotten, I’d have sent Deliveroo takeaway to them! It’s terrible anyway but since they have mobility problems it’s even worse. When my dad looks after my child I make sandwiches for both of them and leave in fridge with fresh juice, yoghurts, crisps and nuts in the cupboard and fruit in the bowl. I don’t think you realise what a huge favour they’re doing you.

UmamiMammy · 15/05/2021 18:26

You need to become more organised. You should be providing lunch for your relative in exchange for free childcare.

PegPeople · 15/05/2021 18:31

Just a heads up but maybe before posting on a thread that's this long everyone could press the handy see all button to at least read all the OPs posts.

She admitted she was unreasonable yesterday. There really isn't any need to keep piling on.

Hankunamatata · 15/05/2021 18:59

Got some cupboard bits in like tin ham or corn beef, packet soup and a packet biscuits. Keep some bread in the freezer. Then they can help themselves. But always leave DC a pack lunch in the fridge

phoenixrosehere · 15/05/2021 19:14

*Just a heads up but maybe before posting on a thread that's this long everyone could press the handy see all button to at least read all the OPs posts.

She admitted she was unreasonable yesterday. There really isn't any need to keep piling on.*

You’re talking to air unfortunately. Most can’t even be bothered to read all of OP’s posts, one stating that she DID have food in her home that her mother could eat if she chose.

LoveFall · 15/05/2021 19:21

Can you, on your weekly shop or whenever, pick up a bread loaf the family member likes, some ham or whatever she likes, some yogurts or similar, fruit like apples and maybe some healthy biscuits? Have available some cut up veg and some hummus?

I really don't think it is far to expect a family member to bring a lunch and three hours is a long time.

HotSauceCommittee · 15/05/2021 19:37

I like you now, OP. Fair play to you.

woofgoesthecat · 15/05/2021 19:58

Just read the update now, well done.

roxanne119 · 15/05/2021 21:47

Send apologies for this week but get yourself organised your relative is doing a nice thing 😊