AIBU not to provide lunch?

[MadamMagda]

Family member provides free childcare two days a week. Three hours each day. They pick DC up from Nursery at 12 and look after them until I get home at 3. This has only been happening a month and will only be until the end of August.

To start with, I didn't provide anything specific for lunch and family member would rustle up something for lunch from the fridge or freezer. Family member has a few mobility problems and was finding it difficult to bend and use the oven, etc. And also didn't want to be cooking lunch every time. So, I started getting in some easy lunches. Today I have nothing in so nipped to the shop. All they had was one of those dairylea lunchables so I got that for DC and a couple of other things. I did look to see if I could get something for family member too but there wasn't anything they would have liked.

Now, I feel like they might moan about this or think I've been rude. But, usually they don't eat lunch anyway when they are home by themselves. Though, when here they would occasionally join and have lunch with DC. But is it bad that I sort lunch for my DC but nothing for family member?

I'm quite unorganised in regards to food shopping and sorting lunches.

So, I started getting in some easy lunches.

The issue isn't whether you ever should have provided lunch, it is that you have been but today you won't be. That's pretty crappy.

If someone is giving you free childcare, the least you can do is get them lunch.

Have a conversation and see what is best to do, for example you organise a small packed lunch of sandwich, crackers/cheese, fruit, yogurt etc.

Ah sorry my WiFi is doing stupid stuff I didn't see your update.
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@Zebraaa

Bloody hell, it’s only for 3 hours. She’s hardly going to starve! I’d expect a biscuit or piece of toast if I got hungry but I wouldn’t expect a whole spread 🤨 these reactions are way over the top.

The thing is though its right over lunch time.

If the child needs picking up at 12 her mum will be leaving her own house before 12 and then not getting home til after 3. Most people have lunch between these times.

If the OPs mum is providing pick up and free childcare then it'd be courteous for the OP to provide a sandwich/easy lunch for her kids and her mum.

Also she has an hour drive from her house each way. So yes, I can see I'm BU.

@dreamingbohemian

YABU

They're doing you a huge favour, it's not that hard to have some lunch on hand twice a week

If they start to feel unappreciated they may decide to stop helping

This.

Being disorganised isn’t an excuse.

It may be helpful to ask her for lunch ideas which don't need to be 'fresh' the way cold meat does. Tins of tuna and a jar of mayo for sandwiches, tins of soup, tins of beans for beans on toast etc then you can just do an online order every few months and only have to worry about bread and butter. You could even keep a loaf in the freezer which can be used for toast.

If you know you can be disorganised then you want to make it as easy on yourself as possible.

@00100001

Ask what your relative would like for lunch on the days they're looking after DC. As they clearly don't like cheese sandwiches.

If this means you have to buy a packet of ham, so they can have ham sandwich... then buy it.

Or you could provide something easy to cook that they both like. So for example a tin of soup to share and some bread/rolls/crackers out on the side for them.

Well exactly. It's just common courtesy isn't it? Make sure you have ham, or tuna, or salad, or whatever they would like to have for lunch and leave them instructions to use whatever's in the fridge. And if they don't/won't use it, then you can eat it yourself.

I can't get my head around expecting someone to provide free childcare for 3 hours a day, leaving a (crappy) lunchables meal for a child, and expecting the adult to have the foresight to make a packed lunch.

Downright selfish and rude.

*If the child needs picking up at 12 her mum will be leaving her own house before 12 and then not getting home til after 3. Most people have lunch between these times.

If the OPs mum is providing pick up and free childcare then it'd be courteous for the OP to provide a sandwich/easy lunch for her kids and her mum.*

OP has food in her house though. She’s not leaving her mother to starve. Unless I’m reading her posts wrong, OP has said that her mother is a fussy eater and has mobility issues. When her mum, had trouble with the oven, she purchased food that was easy to prepare. OP know her mum way better than all of us. She said herself she went to the shop and didn’t see anything her mother would like. OP has said her mother can help herself to whatever is in the house and the list of foods OP gave, most people can make a simple lunch out of. Her mother however is fussy and doesn’t sound like she likes those things and is likely the type who only eats her own cooking or specific food brands since OP said that when her mother makes burgers and pizzas she will eat those.

OP is definitely being unreasonable if she hasn’t asked her mum specifically what she would like in the house for lunches in the future.

A simple conversation with her mum would solve all this.

If in your home, you provide lunch for both in return for the free childcare and pick up. It doesn't have to be anything cooked- a sandwich, cake or beans on toast/soup- something easy. Don't make excuses that you are disorganised; that's not your family member's problem. You will have to be organised for school!!

So the family member didn't ask for lunch, and hasn't mentioned it when there wasn't any, but did eat what you provided?

Do you often make a big deal of absolutely nothing happening?

*MadamMagda

Jeez. I've already said there's bread, cheese and butter. We also have a freezer full of food. Microwave rice, tuna, beans, soup, etc. in the cupboard. But I don't think family member wants to make anything beyond a sandwich and my DC doesn't like sandwiches. Hence why I've been nipping to the shop to buy some things my child will eat that are easy for family member to give them without having to use the oven. I've made sure there's food in for my child. There's also plenty of other food in that my family member could use to make themselves something. But they're fussy and won't want to make anything and probably won't eat half of the stuff I have in. As I said, they usually don't eat lunch anyway but occasionally if they've made pizza or burgers for my DC they will also have some too.*

So are people just ignoring this post from OP or can’t be bothered to read all her posts?

Jeez entitled much?

Christ on a bike the very least you could do is make sure there's something for a sandwich and I find it really hard to believe you don't already know this.

Free childcare, mobility issues and more to the point how can you have NOTHING in the house in general anyway .... You are getting extremely close to CF territory!

Sorry OP I read the first page and then commented ... Didn't see the updates .. apologies for jumping on the bandwagon that'll teach me

Your OP did make it sound like there was nothing at all on offer though

@GoddessKali

Where is your child being cared for, at your house or at theirs?

If they look after the child at your house then YABU
If they look after the child in their own home then YANBU

I agree!

I hope you are paying for her petrol too.

You’re getting free childcare for months, the least you could do is get a nice lunch in for them to eat

I wouldn't provide anything beyond bread, butter and spread/cheese. I think that's perfectly reasonable.

I read the thread and my jaw dropped as it emerged.
Your disabled mum travels 4 hours a week to provide free childcare and you are irritated at providing lunch for her!

I think you might want to look at how you are taking her for granted. There will be many times in the future when you need her help.
I certainly wouldn't wait until August to show some appreciation.
I would insist on paying her and if she refuses buy her something nice every week. And leave her some lunch!

Oh dear.

The OP has posted in AIBU, taken all the comments on board and has resolved to do much better.

What is the world coming to?

Well done, OP. I'm sure your mum knows you appreciate her but it will be good to show it more clearly.

I would get her flowers now, OP and not wait until August She's driving an hour each way several times a week to provide free childcare. She sounds wonderful.

@grapewine

I would get her flowers now, OP and not wait until August She's driving an hour each way several times a week to provide free childcare. She sounds wonderful.

I agree with this. By August resentment may have set in and any gift will look a bit half hearted.

While you are sorting lunches out for your mum do also check that you have the right tea/coffee/cold drink for her even if it isnt something you will use yourself.

I really hope you’re paying for her petrol

@TillyTopper

I wouldn't provide anything beyond bread, butter and spread/cheese. I think that's perfectly reasonable.

Even if you know they don't like cheese?

You'll happily feed the person who is looking after your child as a favour just bread and butter?

@Zebraaa

Bloody hell, it’s only for 3 hours. She’s hardly going to starve! I’d expect a biscuit or piece of toast if I got hungry but I wouldn’t expect a whole spread 🤨 these reactions are way over the top.

Ok, travel an hour, look after a kid for free over lunch time for 3 hours... travel back an hour.

And have a piece of toast.

Good for you ☺️