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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to provide lunch?

197 replies

MadamMagda · 14/05/2021 09:31

Family member provides free childcare two days a week. Three hours each day. They pick DC up from Nursery at 12 and look after them until I get home at 3. This has only been happening a month and will only be until the end of August.

To start with, I didn't provide anything specific for lunch and family member would rustle up something for lunch from the fridge or freezer. Family member has a few mobility problems and was finding it difficult to bend and use the oven, etc. And also didn't want to be cooking lunch every time. So, I started getting in some easy lunches. Today I have nothing in so nipped to the shop. All they had was one of those dairylea lunchables so I got that for DC and a couple of other things. I did look to see if I could get something for family member too but there wasn't anything they would have liked.

Now, I feel like they might moan about this or think I've been rude. But, usually they don't eat lunch anyway when they are home by themselves. Though, when here they would occasionally join and have lunch with DC. But is it bad that I sort lunch for my DC but nothing for family member?

I'm quite unorganised in regards to food shopping and sorting lunches.

OP posts:
00100001 · 14/05/2021 11:40

Ask what your relative would like for lunch on the days they're looking after DC. As they clearly don't like cheese sandwiches.

If this means you have to buy a packet of ham, so they can have ham sandwich... then buy it.

Or you could provide something easy to cook that they both like. So for example a tin of soup to share and some bread/rolls/crackers out on the side for them.

catgirl1976 · 14/05/2021 11:43

What is the child eating? And how old is the child? A dairylea lunchable is not a meal. I think YABU

EasterEggBelly · 14/05/2021 11:47

It’s only 2 days a week. I’d get myself organised to have something they liked for lunch. They are doing you a big favour. You trust them with your child. It’s the least you can do.

Floralnomad · 14/05/2021 11:47

If they are at your house providing free childcare then of course you should ensure that there is food for both the child and the adult otherwise you are a CF

Summerfun54321 · 14/05/2021 11:48

If someone’s saving me money on childcare, I’d make sure they were well catered for. Or at least order them a deliveroo or leave money for lunch to go out if the weather’s nice.

CutieBear · 14/05/2021 11:50

@MadamMagda

There's food in, cheese, bread, butter, freezer full. No ham or anything like that though.
Surely cheese on toast or just toast with butter will be fine for them? It’s only 3 hours.
CutieBear · 14/05/2021 11:53

I should add that that’s okay for today, but if someone was providing me with free childcare then I’d prepare sandwiches and snacks for them.

FreakinFrankNFurter · 14/05/2021 11:53

I think YA definitely BU. They are doing you a favour providing free childcare, presumably saving you a fair bit of cash, and you don’t make sure there’s some easy nice lunch options in for them.

How hard is it to ask what they like.

When we pay a babysitter we make sure there are snacks in and also ask if they want us to get a pizza for them!

DogInATent · 14/05/2021 11:55

Not just YABU but YAACF.

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/05/2021 11:56

Just make a lasagne or something the night before that can be heated up in the microwave. And stop being so self centred.

Viviennemary · 14/05/2021 11:57

You need to provide lunch if they are at your house. Bread and sandwich filling would be quite adequate.

MrsJBaptiste · 14/05/2021 11:57

Saying 'family member' is pissing me off far more than it should but anyway...

When my dad used to come over once a week to pick my two up from school, I'd always ake sure there was enough food for them all. You just get used to taking something out of the freezer the day before or you know, calling to the supermarket to make sure at least the essentials are available.

gingercat02 · 14/05/2021 11:58

I would leave lunch prepared for both of them if the relative has mobility problems and definitely buy them a lovely gift in August

Zhisan · 14/05/2021 12:03

I am not sure why you would accept free childcare from someone that you care so little for.

Rillington · 14/05/2021 12:06

What a tightwad you are.

Original poster
MadamMagda · 14/05/2021 12:08

Okay, I feel really bad now. You're all right. I've been a dick and massively unreasonable. I'll make sure for next time and going forward to ensure I have food in and be better organised. I will also do as a PP suggested and show my thanks through a gift of some kind come August. Thanks all for making me see my twattish ways. And yes, it's my Mum and I probably take how wonderful she is for granted. I'll do my best to try and show her how thankful I am going forward.

OP posts:
Cryalot2 · 14/05/2021 12:08

So have I got this right!
A relative who is in their 50s with mobility/disability issues looks after your children free in your home for several months.
They do not like cheese sandwiches ( neither do I for what its worth)
So as they don't you do not provide any food for them?
You claim to have a well stocked freezer . Big deal, many polite people will not take food unless it is specifically left for them. The person likely grew up when manners were taught.
Possibly you are vegetarian or something as most homes will have packs of ham, chicken or such. Even sourdough and jam and a selection of fruit to eat .
Regardless of their age they are looking after your children free in your home saving any hassles and expenses and you cannot supply a lunch daily.
You are taking advantage of them .
Count up the hours and cost it out, a simple meal would be pittance compared to what they do for free.
Do your yummy mummies know this?
Personally I think it is shocking.

Original poster
MadamMagda · 14/05/2021 12:08

Okay, I feel really bad now. You're all right. I've been a dick and massively unreasonable. I'll make sure for next time and going forward to ensure I have food in and be better organised. I will also do as a PP suggested and show my thanks through a gift of some kind come August. Thanks all for making me see my twattish ways. And yes, it's my Mum and I probably take how wonderful she is for granted. I'll do my best to try and show her how thankful I am going forward.

OP posts:
Jumpingintosummer · 14/05/2021 12:09

^ MadamMagda

user1493494961
It seems like it's a cheese sandwich or nothing.

Sandwich wise yes and they don't like cheese sandwiches^

This has to be a reverse? Surely no one is so ignorant and unaware Hmm

Jumpingintosummer · 14/05/2021 12:10

Cross post. Glad to see you have seen the error of your ways.

Chewbecca · 14/05/2021 12:17

I do free childcare in my own home and don’t expect food to be provided.

If I was in their home though, I wouldn’t expect to bring food or rummage around the freezer. On the other hand, I wouldn’t expect more than bread & sandwich fillings to be available, plus a snack of sorts - fruit, biscuits, yoghurt etc.

Glad you have decided to sort it.

DrWankincense · 14/05/2021 12:19

Yabu, that's pretty rude.

phoenixrosehere · 14/05/2021 12:21

Jeez. I've already said there's bread, cheese and butter. We also have a freezer full of food. Microwave rice, tuna, beans, soup, etc. in the cupboard. But I don't think family member wants to make anything beyond a sandwich and my DC doesn't like sandwiches. Hence why I've been nipping to the shop to buy some things my child will eat that are easy for family member to give them without having to use the oven. I've made sure there's food in for my child. There's also plenty of other food in that my family member could use to make themselves something. But they're fussy and won't want to make anything and probably won't eat half of the stuff I have in. As I said, they usually don't eat lunch anyway but occasionally if they've made pizza or burgers for my DC they will also have some too.

If you have told them to help themselves and they have chosen not to, ask them what they would like for food and go from there. They must like something that you can easily purchase or pick up for them.

Yes, they are providing free childcare but I can also see that you have some consideration for them due to their mobility issues by having things that are easy to make.

Also, if they’re a fussy eater, who is to say they will like what you cook or prepare so best to ask.

Thefourbells · 14/05/2021 12:22

I see people will continue piling on even though OP has admitted BU.

Zebraaa · 14/05/2021 12:23

Bloody hell, it’s only for 3 hours. She’s hardly going to starve! I’d expect a biscuit or piece of toast if I got hungry but I wouldn’t expect a whole spread 🤨 these reactions are way over the top.