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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to provide lunch?

197 replies

MadamMagda · 14/05/2021 09:31

Family member provides free childcare two days a week. Three hours each day. They pick DC up from Nursery at 12 and look after them until I get home at 3. This has only been happening a month and will only be until the end of August.

To start with, I didn't provide anything specific for lunch and family member would rustle up something for lunch from the fridge or freezer. Family member has a few mobility problems and was finding it difficult to bend and use the oven, etc. And also didn't want to be cooking lunch every time. So, I started getting in some easy lunches. Today I have nothing in so nipped to the shop. All they had was one of those dairylea lunchables so I got that for DC and a couple of other things. I did look to see if I could get something for family member too but there wasn't anything they would have liked.

Now, I feel like they might moan about this or think I've been rude. But, usually they don't eat lunch anyway when they are home by themselves. Though, when here they would occasionally join and have lunch with DC. But is it bad that I sort lunch for my DC but nothing for family member?

I'm quite unorganised in regards to food shopping and sorting lunches.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 14/05/2021 09:58

It’s hard to believe anyone would treat someone doing them a favour while struggling with their mobility like this.

PegPeople · 14/05/2021 10:00

@Bluntness100

Surely this is a reverse? Why would you go out and buy a dairy Lea lunchable?
You have to hope its a reverse. Surely no one is this oblivious to how much of a cheeky fuckers they are being??

I also don't understand why there was a need to purchase a lunchabel when there is apparently cupboards full of stuff to make lunch?

MrsSiriusBlack1 · 14/05/2021 10:00

Maybe you should get your arse in gear and be organised?Confused

Nesski · 14/05/2021 10:01

If it was me, I'd be bulk cooking food the day before / make extra for dinner they can reheat on top of cold lunch options they can make themselves if they wanted something fresh as an offering even if they don't eat lunch. I'd also be providing plenty of snacks and drinks options after I've asked what they wanted, and if they say they don't need anything I'd still keep a cupboard full for them!

GrumpyHoonMain · 14/05/2021 10:01

This is cheap and very tacky considering that grandparent is saving you childcare AND transport costs. If you can’t provide food for a disabled grandparent then drop your child off to their house or are you too cheap to do that too?

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 14/05/2021 10:01

Agree that for the £ you're saving in childcare from someone with mobility issues it really shouldn't be difficult to find out a few things they like to eat and make a quick cold lunch twice a week - even a pizza can easily be cooked fresh in the an before you go out and left covered for later.
It really won't take long with a little organisation.

Plus while you say 12-3, unless this person's and your homes are next to school they are actually leaving their home earlier - 11.30 say? - and getting home closer to 4. That's not particularly convenient for them.

You need to recognise how much they're helping you and show some goodwill in return. I know lots of mums who would kill for help like this.

GrumpyHoonMain · 14/05/2021 10:01

@Nesski

If it was me, I'd be bulk cooking food the day before / make extra for dinner they can reheat on top of cold lunch options they can make themselves if they wanted something fresh as an offering even if they don't eat lunch. I'd also be providing plenty of snacks and drinks options after I've asked what they wanted, and if they say they don't need anything I'd still keep a cupboard full for them!
Same.
Pinkdelight3 · 14/05/2021 10:02

I'm quite unorganised in regards to food shopping and sorting lunches.

That's not acceptable. Sort it out. You're a parent and you're taking the piss.

Whinge · 14/05/2021 10:03

Surely any shop that sells a dairylea lunchable also has bread and sandwich fillings? It wouldn't take much to make a basic packed lunch, sandwich, fruit etc

Singlenotsingle · 14/05/2021 10:04

If the care is being given at your house, then at the very least you should make sure there's something available for the family member to eat. Maybe get in a few tins of soup that they can have with bread?

pudcat · 14/05/2021 10:05

Your child will be hungry when getting home. Provide lunches for both of them which are easy to do. A variety of salads, fruit and sandwich fillings. Or have a stew cooking in slow cooker or one than can be heated in saucepan. Soups. Jellies, ice cream, etc.

MrsMaizel · 14/05/2021 10:07

You sound like you are cheap and you need to get better organised with your shopping .

BeastOfBODMAS · 14/05/2021 10:10

Ask them what they would like. Maybe “you know I am disorganised with shopping so would it be helpful if I got you in a load of tinned soups for the days there’s nothing in the fridge and if so, what flavours do you like?”
Then set up a repeat order on the Amazon subscribe thingy and jobs a good un.

slashlover · 14/05/2021 10:10

What sort of shop sells a Lunchable but no cold meat/fruit/jam/potatoes/tins of soup?

viques · 14/05/2021 10:11

Why buy a lunchable for your child when there is bread and cheese in the house?

And there were no eggs or tins of beans or soup in the shop?

Hmmm.

roguetomato · 14/05/2021 10:11

If I was getting free childcare from someone, I would definitely provide adequate lunch/snacks for them to show my appreciation.
Making unorganised as a reason not to is not really nice, it suggests you are just using them for your convenience, and lacks gratitude.

UserAtRandom · 14/05/2021 10:11

You need to provide food that they are able to eat - yes. It's entirely unreasonable to expect them to go hungry or have to go out and eat food.
If they struggle to access your kitchen, I would also consider what you can do to make it easier for them. Can you relocate items, for example? Sounds like you are taking advantage of their good nature at the moment (awaits CF thread posted by family member).

MrsMonet · 14/05/2021 10:13

I can't imagine not providing lunch in this scenario. They pick your child up from nursery, bring them home, feed them and look after them and you don't even leave them some lunch. At lunchtime?

Unbelievably ungrateful.

Auntycorruption · 14/05/2021 10:18

YABU

You're an adult with kids and a job. You should have enough food in the house to feed those people in it who are requiring lunch, at lunch time. Sandwich, beans on toast, soup, scrambled egg etc.

A dairylea lunchable is not a decent lunch.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 14/05/2021 10:20

YABVU.

languagelover96 · 14/05/2021 10:20

This is appalling no offence. You need to sort out lunch for them or give them some money so they can buy their own food. Think of ways to make it easier for them. They are after all doing you and your family a massive favor.

Rachie1973 · 14/05/2021 10:21

@MadamMagda

Family member provides free childcare two days a week. Three hours each day. They pick DC up from Nursery at 12 and look after them until I get home at 3. This has only been happening a month and will only be until the end of August.

To start with, I didn't provide anything specific for lunch and family member would rustle up something for lunch from the fridge or freezer. Family member has a few mobility problems and was finding it difficult to bend and use the oven, etc. And also didn't want to be cooking lunch every time. So, I started getting in some easy lunches. Today I have nothing in so nipped to the shop. All they had was one of those dairylea lunchables so I got that for DC and a couple of other things. I did look to see if I could get something for family member too but there wasn't anything they would have liked.

Now, I feel like they might moan about this or think I've been rude. But, usually they don't eat lunch anyway when they are home by themselves. Though, when here they would occasionally join and have lunch with DC. But is it bad that I sort lunch for my DC but nothing for family member?

I'm quite unorganised in regards to food shopping and sorting lunches.

Get organised then. It’s rude and inconsiderate if they’re caring in your home.
Egghead81 · 14/05/2021 10:21

Can’t imagine trusting someone and being close enough to them for them to look after my child twice a week long term

And yet not to feel comfortable enough to have chat with them about this lunch issue

RB68 · 14/05/2021 10:21

Maybe the relative WANTS contact with the Child. My DD at 3 knew how to behave with grandparents that weren't as fit as Mum and Dad etc. As long as there is something in for a sandwich its fine but never hurts to be more organised with shopping etc. going forward

Original poster
MadamMagda · 14/05/2021 10:26

Jeez. I've already said there's bread, cheese and butter. We also have a freezer full of food. Microwave rice, tuna, beans, soup, etc. in the cupboard. But I don't think family member wants to make anything beyond a sandwich and my DC doesn't like sandwiches. Hence why I've been nipping to the shop to buy some things my child will eat that are easy for family member to give them without having to use the oven. I've made sure there's food in for my child. There's also plenty of other food in that my family member could use to make themselves something. But they're fussy and won't want to make anything and probably won't eat half of the stuff I have in. As I said, they usually don't eat lunch anyway but occasionally if they've made pizza or burgers for my DC they will also have some too.

OP posts:
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