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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to provide lunch?

197 replies

MadamMagda · 14/05/2021 09:31

Family member provides free childcare two days a week. Three hours each day. They pick DC up from Nursery at 12 and look after them until I get home at 3. This has only been happening a month and will only be until the end of August.

To start with, I didn't provide anything specific for lunch and family member would rustle up something for lunch from the fridge or freezer. Family member has a few mobility problems and was finding it difficult to bend and use the oven, etc. And also didn't want to be cooking lunch every time. So, I started getting in some easy lunches. Today I have nothing in so nipped to the shop. All they had was one of those dairylea lunchables so I got that for DC and a couple of other things. I did look to see if I could get something for family member too but there wasn't anything they would have liked.

Now, I feel like they might moan about this or think I've been rude. But, usually they don't eat lunch anyway when they are home by themselves. Though, when here they would occasionally join and have lunch with DC. But is it bad that I sort lunch for my DC but nothing for family member?

I'm quite unorganised in regards to food shopping and sorting lunches.

OP posts:
Foxyloxy1plus1 · 14/05/2021 10:27

I used to take them to the supermarket and let them have a monitored choice and a comic or similar. I’d get something for me at the same time.

PurpleDaisies · 14/05/2021 10:27

@MadamMagda

Jeez. I've already said there's bread, cheese and butter. We also have a freezer full of food. Microwave rice, tuna, beans, soup, etc. in the cupboard. But I don't think family member wants to make anything beyond a sandwich and my DC doesn't like sandwiches. Hence why I've been nipping to the shop to buy some things my child will eat that are easy for family member to give them without having to use the oven. I've made sure there's food in for my child. There's also plenty of other food in that my family member could use to make themselves something. But they're fussy and won't want to make anything and probably won't eat half of the stuff I have in. As I said, they usually don't eat lunch anyway but occasionally if they've made pizza or burgers for my DC they will also have some too.
Oh this is one of those.

Everyone says you’re being unreasonable but you don’t want to listen.

What’s the point in posting?

LubaLuca · 14/05/2021 10:28

So you are providing lunch for them? What's the question then?

PurpleDaisies · 14/05/2021 10:29

If they’re fussy, ask them what they want.
They are doing you a huge favour.

UserAtRandom · 14/05/2021 10:31

@MadamMagda

Jeez. I've already said there's bread, cheese and butter. We also have a freezer full of food. Microwave rice, tuna, beans, soup, etc. in the cupboard. But I don't think family member wants to make anything beyond a sandwich and my DC doesn't like sandwiches. Hence why I've been nipping to the shop to buy some things my child will eat that are easy for family member to give them without having to use the oven. I've made sure there's food in for my child. There's also plenty of other food in that my family member could use to make themselves something. But they're fussy and won't want to make anything and probably won't eat half of the stuff I have in. As I said, they usually don't eat lunch anyway but occasionally if they've made pizza or burgers for my DC they will also have some too.
So in summary

OP: I don't have anything for lunch for family member providing childcare AIBU?

Everyone: Yes

OP: But there is loads of food in the house that they could eat

What exactly is the point of this thread? It's polite to have things in for lunch. If you have stuff in for lunch, then why start the thread? If you are more saying "Family member will only eat speciality food that I don't want to go out of my way to get", then that's a whole different thread to this one.

Jumpingintosummer · 14/05/2021 10:31

You asked a question then huff when people respond.

PegPeople · 14/05/2021 10:31

Oh this is one of those.

Everyone says you’re being unreasonable but you don’t want to listen.

What’s the point in posting?

Agreed. You must know it's pretty crappy not to ensure there is something in for your relative to eat. Even if they don't normally eat lunch when at home caring for a 3 year old requires a lot more energy.

Why not ensure there are left overs which just need heating as others have suggested. It would be easy and also nicer for your child as they will be eating lunch together.

HavelockVetinari · 14/05/2021 10:31

YABU - can't you make extra dinner the night before and leave it in a covered dish to reheat? Or it's not rocket science to have a couple of frozen pizzas in the freezer.

Also - YABU to give a 3-year-old a Dairylea lunchable, there's more salt in one serving than the recommended daily limit for a 6-year-old, never mind a toddler.

NativityDreaming · 14/05/2021 10:31

Why do keep saying family member? Are you trying to avoid saying mum or MIL? Anyway, you are being very unreasonable.

Cowbells · 14/05/2021 10:32

Someone with mobility problems offers you childcare several days a week. The least you can do is leave them a delicious lunch. Do you pay them? If not, YABVVU.

Hoppinggreen · 14/05/2021 10:34

@MadamMagda

Jeez. I've already said there's bread, cheese and butter. We also have a freezer full of food. Microwave rice, tuna, beans, soup, etc. in the cupboard. But I don't think family member wants to make anything beyond a sandwich and my DC doesn't like sandwiches. Hence why I've been nipping to the shop to buy some things my child will eat that are easy for family member to give them without having to use the oven. I've made sure there's food in for my child. There's also plenty of other food in that my family member could use to make themselves something. But they're fussy and won't want to make anything and probably won't eat half of the stuff I have in. As I said, they usually don't eat lunch anyway but occasionally if they've made pizza or burgers for my DC they will also have some too.
So I’m confused what the question is now. You have lots of food so they can have lunch if they choose
HelgaDownUnder · 14/05/2021 10:35

If you can't be organised to provide lunch is it possible to arrange uber eats to deliver a meal for 1/2 hr after they arrive at your house?
It's not really acceptable to leave an adult and a child all afternoon with no proper food.

starfish4 · 14/05/2021 10:36

It's reasonable to provide something for your DC to avoid cost and your family member struggling, but you don't need to feel obliged to buy tea for both. Only thing I would say is that it's nice to show you appreciate what your family member is doing for you, so if say you were buying a nice cake for DD to take, give one for them. If not, at other times - flowers, chocolate, other gift.

grapewine · 14/05/2021 10:37

@Pinkdelight3

I'm quite unorganised in regards to food shopping and sorting lunches.

That's not acceptable. Sort it out. You're a parent and you're taking the piss.

Agreed. You're taking the piss, OP.

If this is a reverse, just why? It's annoying.

HoppingPavlova · 14/05/2021 10:37

If they are providing free childcare, get in something they will eat and that they can prepare with their issues.

1Hazel1 · 14/05/2021 10:38

So there is plenty there for lunch if required? I don't really get the point of this thread then 🤷‍♀️

starfish4 · 14/05/2021 10:42

Just realised family member coming to you. I guess you've made it clear in the past they are welcome to have lunch, help themselves to biscuits/fruit etc. If so, and they've chosen not to then I guess understand why you wouldn't provide lunch.

Neonprint · 14/05/2021 10:43

@MrsSiriusBlack1

Maybe you should get your arse in gear and be organised?Confused
How supportive! Why is mumsnet so vile? God forbid someone with a 3 year old get a bit disorganised!
purplecorkheart · 14/05/2021 10:46

They are providing free child care yet you cannot be bother to provide lunch for them. Ok they are fussy but they eat a sandwich. How hard is it to plan your shopping so you have sandwich bits they like in. I find it hard to believe that a shop had lunchables and not the makings of a sandwich.

PurpleDaisies · 14/05/2021 10:46

@starfish4

Just realised family member coming to you. I guess you've made it clear in the past they are welcome to have lunch, help themselves to biscuits/fruit etc. If so, and they've chosen not to then I guess understand why you wouldn't provide lunch.
And I would understand if they just told this op to bugger off and find another mug to do the childcare for nothing.

I don’t understand why it’s difficult to ask the family member (I bet it’s a MIL) what they would like in for lunch.

Egghead81 · 14/05/2021 10:49

“I am so grateful that you are doing this for me and DD twice a week. I’d love to make your time with DD as easy and relaxed for you both as both possible. I’ll get some easy lunches in for DD but please tell me what I can ensure I have in for you. Or if you don’t fancy lunch here, perhaps I could get in to nice snacks to grab for you?”

That’s what I would have said

JustLyra · 14/05/2021 10:49

@MadamMagda

Jeez. I've already said there's bread, cheese and butter. We also have a freezer full of food. Microwave rice, tuna, beans, soup, etc. in the cupboard. But I don't think family member wants to make anything beyond a sandwich and my DC doesn't like sandwiches. Hence why I've been nipping to the shop to buy some things my child will eat that are easy for family member to give them without having to use the oven. I've made sure there's food in for my child. There's also plenty of other food in that my family member could use to make themselves something. But they're fussy and won't want to make anything and probably won't eat half of the stuff I have in. As I said, they usually don't eat lunch anyway but occasionally if they've made pizza or burgers for my DC they will also have some too.
You should have in something that they like and want.

They’re doing you a massive favour. Being organised for lunches is hardly a massive ask in return.

user1493494961 · 14/05/2021 10:54

It seems like it's a cheese sandwich or nothing.

WingingItSince1973 · 14/05/2021 10:56

Sounds like you have enough food in for them to make a decent lunch. Could you make their lunch the night before and leave it out covered up for them? I had my grandson through nursery and after school while my dd worked full time so I know how tiring it is for someone with mobility issues to take time out of their week to fetch and then look after a young child. If they are insistent they don't want anything then not much you can do. Ask them what they would like and add it to your weekly shop

Hallyup6 · 14/05/2021 10:57

It's hardly a big ask to ensure you have enough stuff for them to make a sandwich. They're doing you a massive favour. Your child doesn't like sandwiches, that's fair enough, but you can't expect a grown up to want to eat the same food as a child when the child eats lunchables or whatever. You also can't expect them to cook burgers or similar at lunchtime (who does that?!).

I'd ask the adult what they liked to eat and ensure I had that in the house for them.