Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that my DC have never been to a wedding

372 replies

BrittanyKAMA · 06/05/2021 09:58

When I was little, I attended loads of weddings. They were always fun, family affairs. It was nice to meet up with distant relatives and dress up for the day in fancy clothes.

However, since my DC were born 15 years ago, absolutely every wedding we’ve been invited to has been a childless wedding. Obviously it’s up to the bride and groom who they invite, but I just think it’s a shame that what used to be an occasion for families is increasingly considered just an adult event.

We just got an invitation through from DH’s oldest friend who was best man at our wedding. They are having a destination wedding at a ski resort. Not only would this cost us a fortune, but what are we supposed to do with DC for 4 days? And before anybody asks, our DC are very well-behaved, so it’s nothing personal.

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this change?

OP posts:
HerMammy · 06/05/2021 09:59

Sad? seems a bit much. Very few kids enjoy weddings, too long and boring for them.
Enjoy the child free days!

newmumfeb21 · 06/05/2021 10:03

YANBU.
We invited whole families to our wedding five years ago - loads of beautifully behaved kids aged 6m - 17 (with the exception of an overwhelmed 2yo who had a good yell during the ceremony but his dad took him straight out, so all good). All appeared to enjoy themselves - loved the food and running around / chatting on a nice sunny day!

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 06/05/2021 10:04

YANBU - i have fond memories of plenty of weddings in my extended working class family. Dancing on my dads feet, running and skidding on the dance floor, nicking alcohol from drinks people left on the table, the buffett, the drunk adults giving me money, catching up with my cousins and being naughty and the adults being too drunk to care - happy days!

Whitney168 · 06/05/2021 10:05

I have no children and never wanted them, but from a totally unbiased angle I agree with you - it does seem a shame that weddings have gone from being family celebrations to performance events that probably cause financial stress to friends and relatives.

I would love the above resort wedding, but then I have a reasonable amount of annual leave and love a nice holiday. Not easy for everyone, particularly those who have to organise child care (if that's even possible) and use up much needed annual leave that covers care for their children in school holidays.

Am sure plenty will say 'well, just don't go', but that doesn't take in to account either politics or the disappointment of not being able to attend what will probably be a lovely event for someone you love.

ShirleyPhallus · 06/05/2021 10:06

I’ve had mixed experiences. Some with beautifully behaved children, some when they’re quite funny like taking off trousers and skidding around on knees during speeches, and some where they’re utter pain in the arses and still up at 10pm and you’re praying they’ll go to bed soon

Given you don’t know which camp any of the children potentially invited will fall in to, I’m not surprised people don’t invite them anymore

SmidgenofaPigeon · 06/05/2021 10:06

Are THEY sad? Weddings are way more fun for adults. We did have some kids at ours but the day wasn’t geared towards them at all. What bit are they sad about?

eggandonion · 06/05/2021 10:07

My dd1 was at a wedding when she was 3 weeks oldSmile
I don't think I have ever been to a child free wedding, partly because childcare was so complicated when my kids were small. We live far away from family.
My dh is sad that our daughters have never been bridesmaids!

Mumdiva99 · 06/05/2021 10:07

We had a family wedding - as we have kids and so do lots of family and friends.

But equally we've been invited to child free weddings of friends with no kids.

I've also had to not go to a family wedding which was child free but all my possible childcare was at the wedding.

I've not been to that many weddings myself and only 1 as a child.

You can have family do's that aren't focused around a wedding.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 06/05/2021 10:08

Many weddings here are boring AF and last too long. Also some parents are shit ones who CBA'd to discipline their little darlings and so it's not unsurprising that couples don't want them there.

That being said, most destination weddings are actually fake. The couple can't legally marry in the destination so have the real wedding in the UK and the staged production one abroad so unless it's in a place you really fancy going for a holiday it's a swizz.

sweetypop · 06/05/2021 10:09

Initially I was thinking yabu but actually I remember family weddings and gathering and they were so much fun. My dc have never been to wedding either. And they probably never will while being kids

osbertthesyrianhamster · 06/05/2021 10:10

Also fewer people are marrying these days and choose instead to just live together.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 06/05/2021 10:12

The one wedding I thought was fun as a kid was one in a country pub with a big playground outside. Probably wouldn’t be a popular venue for a wedding these days though. And we still had to sit through the boring AF church service and three course meal and long toasts first.

SoddingWeddings · 06/05/2021 10:13

As a kid I hated weddings - being forced into some dreadful frilly or floral outfit, not allowed to do anything fun in case you spoiled the clothes, a long winded church ceremony where you didn't know or care what was happening, constantly beings told to be quiet and quieter still, a long evening of speeches that meant nothing to you, posh food that always tasted rubbish (seriously, why salmon mousse for every starter?) and not allowed to eat any cake.

Weddings might be fun to adults but some weddings are still dull as ditchwater for the guests let alone kids.

I think a lot of people have rose tinted specs any weddings, but I assure you the 1.5hr long Catholic ceremony I attended a few years ago was bloody dreadful, particularly because neither of the couple were actually religious, she just wanted to get married in a cathedral....

Donitta · 06/05/2021 10:13

The style of weddings has changed. People used to want a family affair. Now they want a sophisticated cocktail party. Part of it is also that families are less close, so kids who used to be seen as beloved relatives are now just a noisy pain in the arse that you rarely see.

murbblurb · 06/05/2021 10:14

Weddings are really dull for kids - and also for adults unless you know more people than the bride and groom. Your kids have had a lucky escape from tedious rituals and uncomfortable clothes.

lazylinguist · 06/05/2021 10:15

My dc are 13 and 15 and haven't been to a wedding since they were little. Not because of child-free weddings (I've never been invited to one of those), but because I'm 49 - everybody know in my age group got married donkys' years ago and their children aren't yet of marrying age.

YANBU though - for me weddings are a family thing. I would never have considered having a child-free wedding myself. Each to their own though, I guess.

NCNCNCNCNCNCNCNCNC · 06/05/2021 10:17

I loved weddings when I was a kid. Sitting at the kids table with relatives and other kids for the wedding breakfast, the evening buffet, dancing with my parents on the dance floor. YANBU. We had a wedding with 8 people so are part of the problem though!

HarrisMcCoo · 06/05/2021 10:20

Saving yourself a fortune 😂

Dollywilde · 06/05/2021 10:21

Yanbu, although sad’s probably a bit much. DD attended a wedding at 4 weeks and I loved all the kids having fun at our wedding even though it was before she was born (marquee, big field, we hired loads of lawn games and let them run around and tire themselves out, we had a room with a Disney dvd on quietly for any that needed to flop!) I’ve also got such fond memories of family weddings when young.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 06/05/2021 10:24

I never went to a wedding as a child that I remember. I don't think I missed out on anything. I remember my parents going to some when I was a teenager, but for work colleagues.

My DDs have been to a handful but seem to have more fun staying with Grandparents instead.

ChrissyPlummer · 06/05/2021 10:26

YABU, as pp said they’re dreadfully dull for kids (and sometimes adults 😉). We’re supposed to be going to a wedding next year and I’m dreading it as it will be full of kids. If we go, not sure that we will yet, more due to location/annual leave, I think DH and I will be the only childless couple there, meaning that we’ll be effectively spending money on hotels/outfits/dog sitters/travel to attend a giant kids party.

ContessaVerde · 06/05/2021 10:29

kids who used to be seen as beloved relatives are now just a noisy pain in the arse that you rarely see.

This is a bigger problem than not getting to go to any weddings in my view.

I’ve been to weddings through work and not known anyone. Even if you make a lot of effort to talk to people, I can’t say it was that much fun!
The idea that a wedding involves a meeting of 2 happy families within a functioning community is lovely. Unfortunately that isn’t the case for most people. That’s what’s sad.

Happycat1212 · 06/05/2021 10:35

Mine haven’t been invited to a wedding but for different reasons, I don’t know anyone who has got married in the last 10 years!

Pinkdelight3 · 06/05/2021 10:37

Nah, weddings are boring. Don't go to the ski resort wedding. Why ever would you, with or without kids! If you want a family hol, have one. No need to ruin one by being at the beck and call of some bride and groom.

Cabernetto · 06/05/2021 10:42

I must have been to a few weddings as a child. I'm in the photos but I have absolutely no memory of the days. However, apparently I was so badly behaved during one ceremony that I had to be taken outside Blush. I was, in general, a very well-behaved child. So I can absolutely see why people opt for child-free weddings.