To feel sad that my DC have never been to a wedding

[BrittanyKAMA]

When I was little, I attended loads of weddings. They were always fun, family affairs. It was nice to meet up with distant relatives and dress up for the day in fancy clothes.

However, since my DC were born 15 years ago, absolutely every wedding we’ve been invited to has been a childless wedding. Obviously it’s up to the bride and groom who they invite, but I just think it’s a shame that what used to be an occasion for families is increasingly considered just an adult event.

We just got an invitation through from DH’s oldest friend who was best man at our wedding. They are having a destination wedding at a ski resort. Not only would this cost us a fortune, but what are we supposed to do with DC for 4 days? And before anybody asks, our DC are very well-behaved, so it’s nothing personal.

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this change?

I'm with you. Everyone we invited was invited with their kids and everyone was invited to everything. We don't even have kids! But weddings are above everything else a family occasion.

We gave each child a box of Lego during the meal and everyone stayed onsite or next door, which made it easy to whisk children away if necessary. We also kept formal photos down to an absolute minimum. We did a few then everyone just drank Champagne and chatted while the children ran around.

And let's face it, if a child finds it boring then an adult probably will too.

I do sort of agree but I only went to a couple of weddings as a child (I went to several as baby I am told but obviously can't remember that!)

The first I can remember was a cousin's wedding when I was about 12

I also went to another cousin's wedding when I was 18 which was a proper drunken affair and a complete revelation My parents were on holiday (probably their first holiday without us DC) so I went with my brother and various other relatives. There was a LOT of complimentary wine for the guests and various drunken dramas, I absolutely loved it!!

My DC have been to 3 weddings (my brother, DH's sister and DH's best friend)

Yeah i agree actually OP. I know what you're saying.

As a kid you get all dressed up and go where your parents are going and do what everyone else is doing and promise to be good for as long as poss.

You see your cousins and second cousins and auntie and uncle from god knows where's kids and once the shyness is gone you all have a good run about on the lawns and get filthy and told off.

You see the bride and you're all WOW! and she looks like a princess :) :)

They get actually MARID !! In front of you !!

Then the excitement of staying up late and being a pain in the arse at the 'disco' bit and seeing uncle x getting plastered and making a tit of himself

@rampantivy I agree if you are talking about family members you care about and see. But when I was young weddings would be full of family members that the bride and groom barely knew.

I think a key difference as well is that now the couple usually pay for the wedding so tend to want friends to come. When I was young family paid and so they would insist on having a whole lot of relatives that the couple barely knew.

The first wedding I attended was my siblings when I was 19. I’m fine.

Weddings to me aren’t about families, it’s about the couple and celebrating their Union.

I’m not sure child-free weddings are a new thing. My (almost) first wedding I attended was my own at age 24! (My brother got married 5 months before). I’ve got a very small family so no family weddings when a child. Probably would have been good to have gone to some before I got married tbh.

I've only attended three weddings in my life, that's more than enough and I'm fine. What an odd thing to be sad about.

I went to a wedding as a child where the bride invited her whole Brownie troop that she ran. She was Brown Owl. I remember my mum saying she was very brave, with a tone of voice that said very stupid.

Sad? seems a bit much. Very few kids enjoy weddings, too long and boring for them.
Enjoy the child free days!
I love attending weddings of all sorts, and certainly did as a child, and see them as signifying 'union' so feel they should include family members of all ages. They are the epitome of what days with your children should be IMO. My DC have only attended 3 weddings and had wonderful days which we often reminisce about.

Do all those who feel weddings should be family occasions also feel “sad” when people elope or just go to the registry office and not make an occasion of it?

Could you renew your vows?

No, child-free weddings aren't new. I would have had a child-free wedding but DH said no as he had nieces and nephews.

I didn't go to a wedding until I was 15. My uncle remarried when I was 12 and my parents went but I wasn't invited. I think there were other family weddings we might have been invited to but my father was a misery and would have made it difficult for my mother to go.

I've not been to very many as an adult as I don't really like them that much, they are ok if you know lots of people so family weddings are good but it took ages for anyone in the family to get married!

I have been to 7 weddings, including my own, and one evening-only celebration. I have been invited to a few more but not attended for various reasons.

YABU. I had a very small number of children at our wedding (only children we have a relationship with) and I’d do it again tomorrow. My priority was to invite the people I wanted there, tonnes of them wouldn’t have been able to come if I’d been accommodating the children of relatives and friends that I don’t share a relationship with because the venue wouldn’t have been big enough/we couldn’t afford them.

I certainly wasn’t going to compromise on my guest list to pay for a family day out or provide an experience for kids that mean nothing to me.

@fiheka I hardly knew ANY of the people at my wedding. We got married in DH’s home country because the PIL couldn’t be arsed to come over as they had already been over to our country for an exhibition a year previously . They’ve always hated me, so it felt like a snub. But I felt sorry for DH so agreed to get married there.

Also my family couldn’t afford to travel, so none of them were there.

I felt so lonely on my wedding day .

@Peakypolly I am wondering what form these weddings took? Weddings are usually a formal service. Waiting around while photos are taken. A sit-down meal, and a disco with a buffet. I enjoy chatting to family and friends at this and seeing a couple in love saying their vows. But I don't think there is anything there particularly special for a child.

@BrittanyKAMA That is so sad. I hope the marriage is a happy one?

Weddings are a family celebration.
That should include children.

Women nowadays are too obsessed with achieving (their) idea of perfection, and noisy, grubby, whinging kids aren’t allowed in their perfect world.

We had 3 ADHD and special needs kids at our’s, the mum was drunk and rarely to be seen, and our daughter was unofficially stuck babysitting the others at the venue. Wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

What a shame years down the line to have wedding photos without children in. It’s like a terrible fate occurred.

@fiheka I’m not sure where that came from, I’ve never talked about it before . Things are difficult at the moment as we are separated due to Covid, but it is a very happy marriage. Thanks for asking x

The last wedding I went to was great for children. The bride and groom had provided lots of dressing up clothes, musical instruments and toys.
The children who were there had a wonderful time, as did their parents not having to deal with bored children.

It's hilarious that people are bemoaning the end of the 'family wedding' on Mn, home of endless threads complaining about dysfunctional families and gruesome ILs. I mean, people get that these same awful people are the ones who would be attending the old-fashioned family wedding whose dying off is being lamented, right? And that they, with or without their offspring, aren't going to be magically converted into lovely, convivial wedding guests the moment they RSVP?

I don't get where these children are supposed to be magicked up from to be invited? I got married when i was 30. My youngest cousin was 17 & invited. DH youngest cousin was 16 & invited. A couple of friends had babies, but no one had children over about 18m. Dh siblings hadn't yet had kids, I had 3 toddler niece and nephews who came for the day but were tired and too little to be kept up for the evening and were put to bed upstairs with babysitter.

We simply didnt know any children in that 5-12 sort of age bracket and I dont see why you would when you are thirty, unless you are from a huge extended family with large age gaps between siblings or people have had children unusually young, neither of which are common in the uk culturally.

I never get this idea of "Weddings are for the families". Much as I don't endorse Bridezilla behaviour (except on here, where it's highly entertaining grin ) it should be about what the bride and groom want. If they want a big family shindig, crack on.

People can do what they want. I just can't help a) equating an adult only wedding with a desire for Instragrammable aesthetics over actual enjoyment and b) suspecting that the bride and groom probably won't be so in favour of child-free weddings once they have dc themselves.

@GilbertsLuckySocks

Weddings are a family celebration. That should include children.

Women nowadays are too obsessed with achieving (their) idea of perfection, and noisy, grubby, whinging kids aren’t allowed in their perfect world.

We had 3 ADHD and special needs kids at our’s, the mum was drunk and rarely to be seen, and our daughter was unofficially stuck babysitting the others at the venue. Wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

What a shame years down the line to have wedding photos without children in. It’s like a terrible fate occurred.

I can’t work out if this is a serious post or not

People can do what they want. I just can't help a) equating an adult only wedding with a desire for Instragrammable aesthetics over actual enjoyment and b) suspecting that the bride and groom probably won't be so in favour of child-free weddings once they have dc themselves.

Is it difficult to understand that some people don’t want to spend time with other people’s children and don’t find them as charming as their parents?

I have children myself and am delighted with kid free weddings.

@lazylinguist

I never get this idea of "Weddings are for the families". Much as I don't endorse Bridezilla behaviour (except on here, where it's highly entertaining grin ) it should be about what the bride and groom want. If they want a big family shindig, crack on.

People can do what they want. I just can't help a) equating an adult only wedding with a desire for Instragrammable aesthetics over actual enjoyment and b) suspecting that the bride and groom probably won't be so in favour of child-free weddings once they have dc themselves.

We didn't invite any family members at all to our wedding. However, not only were there no Instagrammable aesthetics, there aren't actually any photographs, apart from one of us in a taxi afterwards.