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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad that my DC have never been to a wedding

372 replies

BrittanyKAMA · 06/05/2021 09:58

When I was little, I attended loads of weddings. They were always fun, family affairs. It was nice to meet up with distant relatives and dress up for the day in fancy clothes.

However, since my DC were born 15 years ago, absolutely every wedding we’ve been invited to has been a childless wedding. Obviously it’s up to the bride and groom who they invite, but I just think it’s a shame that what used to be an occasion for families is increasingly considered just an adult event.

We just got an invitation through from DH’s oldest friend who was best man at our wedding. They are having a destination wedding at a ski resort. Not only would this cost us a fortune, but what are we supposed to do with DC for 4 days? And before anybody asks, our DC are very well-behaved, so it’s nothing personal.

AIBU to feel a bit sad about this change?

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/05/2021 10:47

Of all the things to get upset about this is bizarre - I’m the youngest in the family and never went to a wedding as a child.
What exactly are they missing out on? Parties and family gatherings aren’t limited to weddings

RealMermaid · 06/05/2021 10:50

We had kids at my wedding (although we weren't parents ourselves) and I loved it! We had a separate quiet corner with colouring in and books where they could go, or lots of fun lawn games outside and a dressing up box in the marquee, plus boxes of things to keep them occupied during the meal. They all seemed to have a great time and they brought so much fun and life to the occasion. I don't get the childfree wedding thing. It doesn't take much to cater to kids and to my mind, weddings are about celebrating family.

KingdomScrolls · 06/05/2021 10:51

I've been to dozens of weddings and the only one I've been to with no children was my best friend's, but they just went to the registry office we were their only witnesses and then we all went for a lovely meal, it was both of their second weddings, friend's family like to cause drama and her mum in particular is very very interfering, her younger sister nearly called her whole wedding off it got so bad. I've been to one where it was no young children in the service itself but they'd provided childcare in another room of the venue

lockdownwithwhoresdrawers · 06/05/2021 10:51

I didn't even invite my own children to my wedding (8mo and 2.5yo) ! Would've been an unsuitable atmosphere for them (small registry do and evening dinner in a nice restaurant in Chelsea). I also said no children to the guests, many of whom had small kids. Everyone managed to arrange childcare!

lockdownwithwhoresdrawers · 06/05/2021 10:51

I hired a nanny to have the kids for the weekend in our home whilst we went off to get married.

KingdomScrolls · 06/05/2021 10:51

We weren't parents when we got married but made sure children were well accommodated and entertained

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 06/05/2021 10:51

Not a shame at all.

Weddings are SO boring for kids. And far more fun for adults when you can kick back and not have to keep an eye on little ones.

Januaryissodull · 06/05/2021 10:52

It seems like a very strange thing to be sad about in my honest opinion.

Can't say I've ever been completely fussed about weddings though.

underneaththeash · 06/05/2021 10:55

Mine have been to 2 weddings and were bored and whingey within a couple of hours. Child-free is the way to go.

123rd · 06/05/2021 10:56

I don't remember ever going to a wedding as a child. In fact , I've still never been to a wedding ceremony in a church... since having children we have had a Fair mix of attending with the DC and then staying at home.
Kids don't seem that bothered

user1483387154 · 06/05/2021 10:56

YABU its no big loss

Hiphopopotamus · 06/05/2021 10:58

@ShirleyPhallus

I’ve had mixed experiences. Some with beautifully behaved children, some when they’re quite funny like taking off trousers and skidding around on knees during speeches, and some where they’re utter pain in the arses and still up at 10pm and you’re praying they’ll go to bed soon

Given you don’t know which camp any of the children potentially invited will fall in to, I’m not surprised people don’t invite them anymore

I’ve had mixed experiences with adult guests at weddings. Some are delightful and interesting to talk to - model guests! Some are quite funny when they get tipsy - some great karaoke moments. And some become an utter pain in the arse at 10pm when they’re too drunk, rowdy and making a fool of themselves - I’m just wishing they’d go to bed!

Seeing as you never know which camp people are going to fall into, I’ve found it best just not to invite adult guests to weddings at all. Of course that suits 90% of MN anyway where everyone hates a wedding, finds them long and boring and would prefer not to be there at all!

MizMoonshine · 06/05/2021 10:58

I have two kids. I wouldn't like to take them to a wedding. The potential for them to make noise during the ceremony is too much. It's the special day of the bride and groom and they shouldn't be interrupted. Also I don't want my kids to be surrounded by pissed adults late into the evening.

If course I'd have them at my own wedding but they would be very much included and the day would be planned with them in mind too. Probably wouldn't want anyone else's kids though.

Oncemoretwicemore · 06/05/2021 11:02

I assume that weddings have become more of a friends affair and less-family orientated as people marry later and feel less pressure to invite cousins they last saw 20 years ago.
I went to a shedload of weddings in my late 20s/early 30s, which were mostly childfree apart from a few family kids - since most of the guests hadn't started having kids yet. I cannot say that having kids there would have enhanced either the solemn part or the fun part for me.

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache · 06/05/2021 11:03

I’m 33 and I first went to a wedding when I was a teenager. I’ve not suffered any long term trauma, it’s fine.

Scottishskifun · 06/05/2021 11:04

As a parent as long as I get advanced notice I much prefer a childless wedding assuming I want to go enough to arrange childcare. I can relax, enjoy a conversation without chasing my 2 year old about, for him to get overwhelmed and over tired.

We have 2 weddings this year one childless one with family. We have to take my DS as its my DH family wedding and they want to see him. But I also need to spend money on a outfit he will wear once!

DragonMuff · 06/05/2021 11:04

I think an extravagant ski resort wedding that will cost a lot of money and be an arse to attend is a separate issue to child free weddings in this country. That is clearly a ridiculous idea - finding childcare for 4 days to go abroad is different to for one day in the UK. Will they be shitty if (or when!) you decline?

I think YABVU to feel sad that other people want to have an adult party for their wedding. I honestly don’t get why. I love weddings because they’re adult events. I’ve only been to a few that had children and I didn’t really enjoy them. I actually really love children generally, I just think weddings work better without lots of them. Family children or just a handful can be cute but everyone’s children really changes the dynamic and not in a way which I enjoy at a wedding.

The exception was one I went to which had lots of children but was basically a big garden party. It was great fun and set up for children - but not at all what everyone would want as their wedding celebration and there’s no reason to be sad about that.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 06/05/2021 11:05

Yes why do people keep their kids up so late at weddings! Completely changes the dynamic. I once got told off at a wedding by a parent I didn't even know for swearing because her kids were nearby. It was 11.30pm!

At my own wedding we had the reception in my mum's back garden - it's remote, huge and has a swimming pool, everybody brought their costumes! My (then) husband, being a bit of a show off, did a back flip into the pool (big mistake, he put his back out and could barely walk for the rest of the week) and my cousin SCREAMED at him because he splashed their 2yo who was asleep in a pram at the side of the pool and woke her up. It was 1am. ExH said "maybe don't leave your kid by the side of the pool?". Merry hell broke loose and cousin declared "we're going!". Good! See ya!

Oncemoretwicemore · 06/05/2021 11:05

I’ve had mixed experiences with adult guests at weddings. Some are delightful and interesting to talk to - model guests! Some are quite funny when they get tipsy - some great karaoke moments. And some become an utter pain in the arse at 10pm when they’re too drunk, rowdy and making a fool of themselves - I’m just wishing they’d go to bed!

Hmm except it's not equivalent because the adults are likely to have an actual relationship with the b&g rather than just being invited by default.

DIshedUp · 06/05/2021 11:07

YANBU, I used to love weddings as a child. Youd see relatives you hadn't seen for a while, get together with your cousins, I'd get a pretty dress, they'd be cake. What's not to love?

I find childfree weddings sad tbh

DappledThings · 06/05/2021 11:07

YANBU. I'm a bit sad about it too. Mine are 3 and 5 and would love a good dance around and a meal as long as we brought a few toys or colouring too. They are used to coming to church and behaving quietly for an hour and a bit so a ceremony wouldn't be onerous.

But then I love weddings. Been to about 35 maybe and always enjoyed them. Which is terribly uncool a thing to think on MN!

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/05/2021 11:08

I think your experience was quite unusual, I only went to one wedding as a child and it was for an uncle much younger than my parents. My siblings and I were the only children there and it was boring!

Usually at weddings the people getting married don't have children yet and their friends don't either, but if you are only enough to be getting married it's likely your own cousins etc will be at least teenage rather than young cousins surely?

I've been to several weddings where theres been a few babies but not generally lots with children old enough to remember being there.

HeeHawSeeSaw · 06/05/2021 11:09

YANBU. I was thinking the same a few days ago actually . I think weddings may be considered boring for some kids nowadays because they are used to being constantly entertained by social media, xbox ,Netflix etc and if they are not busy entertaining themselves on these, then they are probably filling their time going to numerous clubs etc. But when I was younger me and my cousins all enjoyed being at weddings and were quite excited about it, never found them boring. It is a shame indeed that weddings are no longer seen as a family affair , it's more about having an instergram wedding.

Northernsoullover · 06/05/2021 11:10

@ThisIsStartingToBoreMe

YANBU - i have fond memories of plenty of weddings in my extended working class family. Dancing on my dads feet, running and skidding on the dance floor, nicking alcohol from drinks people left on the table, the buffett, the drunk adults giving me money, catching up with my cousins and being naughty and the adults being too drunk to care - happy days!
Now, if I was the bride I'd be well pissed off with kids sliding around on the dance floor. I have children. They would be bored shitless at a wedding and I would be on edge.
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 06/05/2021 11:11

Thing is, it's not really appropriate to bring toys or colouring to a wedding breakfast. Shit like that just gets in the way. I think of kids can't sit and engage in conversation rather than having distractions they're probably too young for weddings.

I feel sad that some people can't be happy with just adult company. I feel sad that some people can't cope without their kids being around. I feel sad that people rely on things like weddings for their children to see loved ones. Presumably Auntie Mable lives in a house somewhere. Go and take them to visit her when you can.