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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does anyone else just hate sex ?

231 replies

nc202105 · 04/05/2021 19:33

It makes me feel ill. I hate doing it. Does that change ? I've felt like this for a while, but going through a bad period. Where it's just even worse than normal. I'm married.

OP posts:
HahaAreyouSerious · 04/05/2021 19:48

Can you be more specific about why you hate it?
Is it the psysical act itself? Something your partnee does you dislike? Is there pain?

It is quite strong response and without knowing more, it would be impossible to tell why or whether you have options.

Original poster
nc202105 · 04/05/2021 19:54

@HahaAreyouSerious

I just find the whole thing gross.

OP posts:
Original poster
nc202105 · 04/05/2021 19:54

No pain. Just gross.

OP posts:
Fruityfriday · 04/05/2021 19:55

If you hate it you should not feel obliged to do it ever.

Original poster
nc202105 · 04/05/2021 19:56

@Fruityfriday I feel like that's what has made me hate it even more. Feeling like I had to do it when not wanting to do it for so many years.

OP posts:
tropicalwaterdiver · 04/05/2021 19:58

Why did you get married If you hate sex so much?

Fruityfriday · 04/05/2021 19:58

You don't have to do it. It's your body and your choice, please don't feel.like you have to.

therocinante · 04/05/2021 19:59

You sound upset, OP - are you okay? Do you know why you hate it?

It's fairly unusual, unless you've had something happen that makes you feel like this. Although being asexual is also a thing, although it would again be fairly unusual to get to marriage without realising you were asexual.

Can you speak to your spouse and tell them sex is off the cards for a little while while you get some time to think about this?

You shouldn't be having sex you don't want to have, and so it sounds like you need to step away from it until you can either work through this or decide once and for all that you don't want to have sex - both of which are fine.

I hope you're okay.

PaperMonster · 04/05/2021 19:59

Me. I hate it now.

Original poster
nc202105 · 04/05/2021 19:59

@tropicalwaterdiver I thought it will change / I can live with it.

OP posts:
Nowhereelsetogo90 · 04/05/2021 20:00

You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. Plenty of people just don’t have sex and are quite happy with that. However, your husband or wife might not be up for a sexless relationship, in which case there will be hard decisions ahead. Is this something you could maybe explore via counselling or sex therapy?

Woodlandbelle · 04/05/2021 20:00

I think it must be the wrong partner for you. Sorry you are going through this.

picklemewalnuts · 04/05/2021 20:00

Having sex when you aren't aroused and interested is unpleasant.
The unpleasantness builds over time until you find it hard to tolerate.

Is your husband interested in your enjoyment?

EShellstrop · 04/05/2021 20:00

Are you sure you're straight?

I thought sex was gross, or at the very least, boring, until I started dating women.

thenonsensepotter · 04/05/2021 20:01

I hate it at the moment, but I hate my body since having my youngest DC. I don't like looking at myself and I don't like thinking about DH having to look at me or touch me. I'm hoping that will change with time as my body hopefully gets back to a shape I am happy with.

Original poster
nc202105 · 04/05/2021 20:02

@therocinante it's tough. I just feel like I have to. He gets moody and upset and I do understand. I did used to enjoy it. But I just find it gross now. I don't feel good about my body since having a baby either ( last year ). This makes it a lot lot worse too. I feel like a cow. Gross.

OP posts:
Original poster
nc202105 · 04/05/2021 20:04

@picklemewalnuts

Having sex when you aren't aroused and interested is unpleasant. The unpleasantness builds over time until you find it hard to tolerate.

Is your husband interested in your enjoyment?

I think that's what's happened. I used to be able to tolerate it. Now I just want to scream. Especially when it goes in and on. I get so angry.

It's definitely worse since I feel like a fat cow.

OP posts:
Planttrees · 04/05/2021 20:04

I think maybe you are with the wrong person. I have had three long-term relationships and I felt a bit like this in two of them but with the third one it was very different and I really started to enjoy sex. They were all considerate so it wasn't that, I just think I wasn't that into them.

Feedex · 04/05/2021 20:05

I had a friend who felt the way you do until she had sex with a woman. Are you sure you just aren’t into men? It’s not uncommon for women to not be into sex only to discover it’s sex with men that they find icky or uncomfortable.

Original poster
nc202105 · 04/05/2021 20:05

He doesn't understand and just follows me around. I try to avoid it. But he won't let it go and when I refuse be gets angry sometimes. He says he has no joy.

I do feel bad. I think it would be more bearable if I looked normal again.

OP posts:
Original poster
nc202105 · 04/05/2021 20:07

@Feedex

I had a friend who felt the way you do until she had sex with a woman. Are you sure you just aren’t into men? It’s not uncommon for women to not be into sex only to discover it’s sex with men that they find icky or uncomfortable.
I really don't know. I've never been there. Not even close. It also makes me feel a bit ill to think about it. All sexual stuff just makes me feel yucky at the moment. The loss of control and intimacy thing. I'm not sure why.
OP posts:
Onesnowynight · 04/05/2021 20:07

Do you think it’s a confidence issue about the shape of your body?

Original poster
nc202105 · 04/05/2021 20:08

@Onesnowynight that has definitely made it so much worse. It wasn't great before but now it's so bad.

OP posts:
Original poster
nc202105 · 04/05/2021 20:09

@Feedex

I had a friend who felt the way you do until she had sex with a woman. Are you sure you just aren’t into men? It’s not uncommon for women to not be into sex only to discover it’s sex with men that they find icky or uncomfortable.
Wouldn't I know by now if I liked women ?
OP posts:
PomegranateQueen · 04/05/2021 20:09

Are you still breastfeeding? I fed DS2 until he naturally weaned and I did find that my libido took a hit until he stopped. Same as you it just felt gross, I couldn't let DH touch my boobs at all.

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