To feel like childminder gave up too quickly?

[Flickie]

My little boy (23 months) has been with his childminder for 10 months, he settled in great and has always been happy there. He does usually cry a lot on drop off but settles really quickly. In the past two weeks he's been unsettled and upset all day there, we aren't sure why, he goes 2.5 days a week and has since the start. She's text me tonight and said the last 2 weeks she's had no time to help the other kids, the whole day has had to revolve around him crying and it's not fair on the others and that we need to look for another setting for him. I'm a bit shocked she's given up on him so quickly. He was fine there for months and it seems like something we could of tried to work through rather than just giving him the boot

What’s the notice period in the contract?

@Jangle33

What’s the notice period in the contract?

She said she will have him through the notice period but she has triggered it. I'm just annoyed that he's been unsettled for just 5 days and she's given him the boot.

It's rubbish for you OP as you've now got the hassle of finding another provider but you don't know if she's been getting grief off the other parents if their DC are going home and complaining she's had no time for them. If she's devoting all day to him then she isn't providing proper care to the other DC, potentially isn't able to supervise them properly, and is jeopardising her business because of it. I know how annoying it is but perhaps he might be happier elsewhere.

Your poor child
She doesn't sound like the sort of childminder I would want if she's phased by an unsettled child!

There’s a difference between unsettled and crying all day. If you put the shoe on the other foot you’d be really annoyed if your son got no attention at the CM because she was always seeing to another child.

His crying all day could be unsettling the other kids and parents have complained.

Unfortunately this is the risk with nannies and childminders. Nurseries get a hard time on Mumsnet but I can never work our why but it’s lower risk. Ultimately an individual can decide they aren’t keen for any reason.

Hope you get somewhere much better sorted soon

Nobody is wrong here, it just sounds like he needs sole care.

Could there be some kind of medical or other problem that you are not yet aware of? It does seem odd to be so unsettled.

It’s hard to know without being there yourself just how unsettled he is but if he is being clingy all day and screeching then she has to decide whether she is giving her best to the other children while he is there and only she gets to make that call. It’s not great for you but she has other children to consider.

If he's been crying a lot on drop off for these last ten months then I'm not sure he does enjoy being there tbh.
I know many dc cry when their parents leave but I do think nearly a year is excessive.
Also if she's willing to drop him so quick I'd be thinking he hasn't been as settled as she has made out in the past.

If he isn’t enjoying it and crying you might find he would prefer a different setting anyway. Doesn’t sound like she’s given a proper go but I’m assuming it’s built up overtime rather just from 1 week.

Hopefully you will look back in 6 months as it might be blessing in disguise if he goes into a different setting happy and waving bye

He can't have sole care. I need to work and we can't afford a nanny. He was happy there for months, we're not giving him a chance to work through it. Toddlers are difficult but they go through so many different phases. I think she's giving up on him way too quick.

Surely a nursery will be harder for him? He loves being outdoors and goes on so many trips with his childminder, I think he'll be way worse cooped up in a nursery and only venturing as far as their garden

It’s up to you OP. I prefer the nursery setting to be honest but you could look for another childminder.

There are different kinds of nurseries around. My son is in nursery and although they haven't gone out much in the last year due to Covid they have a huge garden and much of the time they're out for most of the day and do a lot of their learning out there.

He may thrive in a different setting? It may be worth a try.

It sounds like it's not the right setting for him, if the childminder can't cope.

A nursery may well suit him better as well, now that he is older, or you could look for another childminder.

We love our forest school nursery and wouldn't change for the world. My ds is very fond of two of the staff in his room, but he has had to move rooms so was fond of different staff members before. He goes in every morning confidently and very rarely even looks back. He is extremely sociable so the mix of children and staff is brilliant for him. He goes 3 days per week. The only thing we can't really crack is napping there, he generally only has a 30 minute cat nap.

@Flickie

Surely a nursery will be harder for him? He loves being outdoors and goes on so many trips with his childminder, I think he'll be way worse cooped up in a nursery and only venturing as far as their garden

Maybe look into some kind of Forest School nursery?

He does usually cry a lot on drop off

I don't think she is U at all. After 10m and he is still crying a lot on drop off.. that might suggest it's not a good fit for him and probably a bit frustrating for childminder too, it's been a while. My DD never cried except the first 2 or 3 times, then she settled. I wouldn't be overjoyed as a parent to find another kid had been crying ALL day at the 'minders, either. Not great for the other kids it doesn't set a good atmosphere among other things.

It isn't anyones fault, just it isn't the right place for him / right for her.

I think I would be highly annoyed and concerned if the CM is not paying any attention to my child due to attending to one child only so you must understand where she is coming from. She wouldn't just give up his spot if it was just a little bit of settling in, it must have been very tough for her to settle him. I do understand why you are disappointed though.

Was also going to suggest a Forrest school nursery. We have a few of them around here now & they look fantastic. There are lots of different nursery settings to have a look at. I know it must be frustrating for you but it does sound like he isn't overly happy where he is & I suppose it'll be hard for the childminder with other children if he's upset all day.

I really feel for you but honestly, a change might be what he needs.

My DS started with a CM 2 days at 11 months and she said he was the hardest child she’d ever settled but he did eventually settle with her. But he cried every time we dropped him off. We stuck with it as she always sent us photos of him having a great tome he was always happy when we picked him up, and she reassured us it was nothing out of the ordinary to cry at drop off. As he got older (2.5ish) he started to articulate that he didn’t want to go. We were on the verge of thinking about another setting and the. Coronavirus made out decision for us (I was due a baby so kept him home with me instead). We’ve since started him at nursery and honestly, he settled immediately. Hasn’t cried once and runs in each day.

You might find yours is happier elsewhere.

My DS goes to nursery and they go out every single day, rain or shine. In addition to the garden.

OP, sorry it’s a tough situation. But he’s still crying after 10 months. That’s a long time!
I think your opinion on nursery is a bit skewed as there lots of different ones out there. Why don’t you take a look and see what’s on offer close to you?