To feel like childminder gave up too quickly?

[Flickie]

My little boy (23 months) has been with his childminder for 10 months, he settled in great and has always been happy there. He does usually cry a lot on drop off but settles really quickly. In the past two weeks he's been unsettled and upset all day there, we aren't sure why, he goes 2.5 days a week and has since the start. She's text me tonight and said the last 2 weeks she's had no time to help the other kids, the whole day has had to revolve around him crying and it's not fair on the others and that we need to look for another setting for him. I'm a bit shocked she's given up on him so quickly. He was fine there for months and it seems like something we could of tried to work through rather than just giving him the boot

The childminder should adhere to the SEN Code of practice and the Child and Family Act. She should be starting the Graduated Response bringing in professionals as appropriate.

Do you know what discriminate means?

There's also no mention from the OP of SEN. Professionals, in my experience, don't offer opinion without fact.

Please don’t tell me that I don’t understand the law. This is my job and my speciality.

I'm a train driver.

Isn't it fun how people on the Internet can claim to have specific jobs and training and there's no way to know its true or not?

You are wrong though, a childminder can give notice at any time and for any reason so long as they meet the terms of the contract. They can even give notice to children with SEN if they are not able to meet their needs.

Such poor practice. One week of crying- that poor child needs to be understood not rejected. They have an overriding duty of care to follow the Code of Practice. Seriously I cannot believe what people are saying.

The Code of Practice applies to all child care settings, including childminders.

It's not one week. It's every drop off for ten months and then all day every day for two weeks/five sessions to the point that it is compromising her ability to care for the other children she is responsible for. The situation has obviously become untenable and she has had to make the decision to serve notice. She is not acting illegally to do so and, to put it blunty, she is running a business not a support group and has to draw the line somewhere.

My son did similar, and the childminder said she couldn't cope with him crying all day, however he was also crying a lot for me too and I found out he had an ear infection and just wanted holding. He had 2 sets of grommets and grew out of it.

Why do you want to force your child to be with someone he does not want to be with. Nearly a year of crying and you just don't get it do you. This child is very unhappy and his needs are not being met. You must look to a different kind of childcare.

Has the childminder taken on more children and this has unsettled your son? Could one of the other children been picking on him?I can’t help feeling the childminder is being harsh , perhaps he will be better with a different childminder ?

@MHParent I agree with you, but as a parent of a child with sn I’m sad to say I’ve experienced plenty of conduct that was not in the spirit of the sn code of practice.

Sorry to hear this but a nursery sounds like it would be better for your child.

Lots of other kids - the same age - to distract him and play with
Lots of activity and stimulation, he won't have time to feel upset for very long.
Lots of nurseries have gardens
Lots of them go out for walks and playgrounds
The nursery will be more experienced at dealing with this kind of thing

I’m so sorry that you have. To experience rejection instead of inclusion is so painful but totally unnecessary. That is why it needs to be challenged every time.

@MHParent you are totally right but I’m afraid it’s too painful and stressful for most of us to do.

Illegal to discriminate- typo

If he is already unsettled, surely moving him is going to make things worse?! I think it's perfectly normal for babies and toddlers to go through such phases (even if they don't all do it).

Could she wear him in a sling on her back, so she can still help the other children at the same time? And you the same at home, so he gets plenty of connection?

Can anyone who is accusing this childminder of excluding a child with additional needs point to where the OP has stated the child has SEN?

that does seem odd, that's very quick to give up. I'm a childmmyself and I've had one little girl since she was 10 months old (nearly 3 now) and she had a big phase of crying every week unless I was holding her - it lasted about 4 weeks and then she suddenly stopped, I'm so glad I didn't give up on her!

*childminder myself

If you read my post carefully, I said it could be indicative. He is communicating a need- if he is not supported by caring professionals who try to make sense of his communication, work with his parents to try to help him feel more secure and attached (or to rule out medical needs, etc) then his distress could become more long term. Certainly the experience of change at a time when what he needs is more attunement not rejection is not going to help him long term.

@MHParent So what about the care and needs of the other children ? If the childminder is constantly tied up with a crying child all day would you not be saying she's letting down the other children ?

I just wanted to add that actually some children do cry at drop off for ages and then are fine as soon as parents are gone - I have one of 4 who makes a fuss every day but is running round the kitchen dancing to gangnam style within 5 minutes. My own child used to howl about going to his gran whilst I was out at work, he had a great day always. Expressing that staying with mummy would be their preference doesn't necessarily mean that they're not happy in that setting. Crying all day, doesn't necessarily mean that either, the little one I had turned out to have an ear problem and was much happier when that was resolved.

@MHParent

If you read my post carefully, I said it could be indicative. He is communicating a need- if he is not supported by caring professionals who try to make sense of his communication, work with his parents to try to help him feel more secure and attached (or to rule out medical needs, etc) then his distress could become more long term. Certainly the experience of change at a time when what he needs is more attunement not rejection is not going to help him long term.

The code of practice doesn't apply then does it? What you have said could apply to every child at varying points of their time in early years care. The childminder is caring for him by putting her hands up and saying she can't meet his needs while also providing care and education for the other children she is responsible for. As a lone worker who's livelihood is dependent on balancing the needs and happiness of all children she is allowed to end the contract. She's allowed to end the contract for whatever reason she needs to as long as she gives the required notice period.

So your message is that only children who never show any emotional needs are welcome; if they do, they have to go and be someone’s else’s problem. Thanks for being the start of an inclusive society.... I think we all have a duty of card when looking after Children to try to understand them and not to reject them. The Graduated Response should be started when there is a concern about a child’s development, which includes their emotional development.

Did the childminder liaise with the health visitor, for example? Did she ask for support from the childminding network? Did she sit down with parents to think about what his distress could mean and what adaptations should be made. I’m afraid it does come under sen and it also comes under the EYFS... targeting the areas for development.

Let’s hope most of the respondents on here don’t experience the rejection this parent and child feels. Have some empathy.

@MHParent

So your message is that only children who never show any emotional needs are welcome; if they do, they have to go and be someone’s else’s problem. Thanks for being the start of an inclusive society.... I think we all have a duty of card when looking after Children to try to understand them and not to reject them. The Graduated Response should be started when there is a concern about a child’s development, which includes their emotional development.

Did the childminder liaise with the health visitor, for example? Did she ask for support from the childminding network? Did she sit down with parents to think about what his distress could mean and what adaptations should be made. I’m afraid it does come under sen and it also comes under the EYFS... targeting the areas for development.

Let’s hope most of the respondents on here don’t experience the rejection this parent and child feels. Have some empathy.

Neither of us have any idea of what gone on and what the childminder has done to support child or family. The difference between us is that I'm not making outrageous accusations about someone's professional conduct and their lack of inclusivity.

The EYFS does not prevent a childminder from giving notice.

The issue is you are only getting one side of the story so you don't know how the childminder has engaged with the family or other agencies over the last 10 months. Whatever she has or hasn't done she clearly feels that she can not meet this child's needs and by continuing to do so is detrimental to the needs of the other children.
I have worked with lots of children over the years and I'd like to say I'm fully inclusive yet I too have had to give notice to parents for lots of different reasons one that stands out is a child who was desperately seeking attention from his father and would do such silly and dangerous things that I simply could not keep him in my care for the risks not only to that child but all the children in my care and myself.

Sometimes a setting is just not right.

I've been a childminder for over 20yrs and have looked after close to 100 children in that time. There have been plenty of times when a child has been upset, has taken a bit longer to settle than some, or has been extremely clingy for long periods, but I've only had to terminate 2 contracts during those years because the children in question just couldn't settle and because of the disruption to the rest of the children.

It's not an easy decision to terminate a contract but sometimes it's necessary. As an individual looking after multiple children you have to be able to be attentive to them all. Most established children can cope with a tearful settling in period, or even a longer disruption but there comes a time when it's just not a viable option for anyone involved, and that includes the child who is distressed.

Since we don't know the childminders side of this story is we can't know what she has or hasn't done for this child and their family. However, she is providing a service and is perfectly entitled to say it's not working for her for any reason, whether the child has special needs or not.