To feel like childminder gave up too quickly?

[Flickie]

My little boy (23 months) has been with his childminder for 10 months, he settled in great and has always been happy there. He does usually cry a lot on drop off but settles really quickly. In the past two weeks he's been unsettled and upset all day there, we aren't sure why, he goes 2.5 days a week and has since the start. She's text me tonight and said the last 2 weeks she's had no time to help the other kids, the whole day has had to revolve around him crying and it's not fair on the others and that we need to look for another setting for him. I'm a bit shocked she's given up on him so quickly. He was fine there for months and it seems like something we could of tried to work through rather than just giving him the boot

I think your CM has had an offer from another parent who can go full time if your DC isn't there or something similar.

Or one of the other parents who again probably pays more had complained. She's a business at the end of the day and needs to make her decisions based on that unfortunately.

@Flickie

I don't suspect autism, I don't think, I did the MCHAT test last week and he scored 0. He has great eye contact, is very affectionate and loves kisses and cuddles, his words are coming on amazingly, he knows colours, animals etc. Walks, runs, climbs well. He holds things up to show us, brings things to us, points, asks clearly for what he wants. He answers to his name. He is very shy around people but does come out his shell eventually. Socially yes he is more clingy and can take a while to get used to people but I can see that being due to being a lockdown baby from 10 months onwards and not being around many other people.

As a parent to a child with autism, none of the examples you've given are things my child struggles with 🤷🏼‍♀️ In other words, you can be autistic and still do all those things confidently

She has to think about the other kids aswell tho it's not just yours. If she got to spend all day trying to stop your one crying she can't see to the others properly it must be a nightmare for her she's had to do what's best for the others too

@Flickie

I don't suspect autism, I don't think, I did the MCHAT test last week and he scored 0. He has great eye contact, is very affectionate and loves kisses and cuddles, his words are coming on amazingly, he knows colours, animals etc. Walks, runs, climbs well. He holds things up to show us, brings things to us, points, asks clearly for what he wants. He answers to his name. He is very shy around people but does come out his shell eventually. Socially yes he is more clingy and can take a while to get used to people but I can see that being due to being a lockdown baby from 10 months onwards and not being around many other people.

Having autism does not mean struggling to learn Knowing colours & animals and reading well etc is nothing to do with autism! My autistic child was and still is in fact extremely advanced academically

It is absolutely ridiculous to be talking about autism on the information in the OP.

@CervixHaver I think that statement about childminders is very unfair. Maybe a couple you have seen aren’t good but that doesn’t mean that every childminder is bad. I’ve seen bad practice at nurseries but that doesn’t make me think that all nurseries are bad. I’d pick a childminder over nursery every single time but nursery and childminders suit different children. That’s why I’d say check out both nurseries and childminders and see what suits your child best. OP, if you don’t feel comfortable using a nursery then don’t feel pressured into using one. Best advice would be to look at all childcare options in your area, make appointments to view them all and see what you like. Good luck in your search

It's crap I've been through it twice.
The child care provider cannot provide one to one for a high maintenance child.
I'd start him in crèche he'll probably enjoy the set up then if he needs extras with help you can apply through senco.

Those saying my examples aren't reflective of autism I'm only going by what my health visitor and the MCHAT test mentioned. I'm no expert, I have zero experience or knowledge regarding autism but from the signs of autism check lists for his age he doesn't fit the criteria that I have seen and as mentioned score 0 on the assessment

@Flickie

Those saying my examples aren't reflective of autism I'm only going by what my health visitor and the MCHAT test mentioned. I'm no expert, I have zero experience or knowledge regarding autism but from the signs of autism check lists for his age he doesn't fit the criteria that I have seen and as mentioned score 0 on the assessment

He sounds fine OP. Having read the thread my bet is that someone's asked for a full time spot and she's turfed you out to use it. She wouldn't say that though...don't think about it any more. Look at nurseries. He's almost 2...that's the ideal age to start nursery.

Thanks all. I will get in touch with a nursery tomorrow and see.. it's so crap as he was happy there. I know he cried on drop off but never for long, within 10 mins he'd of settled and I saw photos everyday of him happy and playing and smiling. Sometimes he didn't want to leave and would run back in. It's just a shame that something has obviously made him upset the last 2 weeks, I think it's just he's going through a clingy stage with me and will be like it anywhere, but she just won't see it through and give him a chance.

[quote Liverpoolgirl52]@CervixHaver I think that statement about childminders is very unfair. Maybe a couple you have seen aren’t good but that doesn’t mean that every childminder is bad. I’ve seen bad practice at nurseries but that doesn’t make me think that all nurseries are bad. I’d pick a childminder over nursery every single time but nursery and childminders suit different children. That’s why I’d say check out both nurseries and childminders and see what suits your child best. OP, if you don’t feel comfortable using a nursery then don’t feel pressured into using one. Best advice would be to look at all childcare options in your area, make appointments to view them all and see what you like. Good luck in your search[/quote]
I meant some Childminders. Obviously there are some who are fantastic I'm sure. I've seen some on tv who have transformed their homes into Nurseries (one was on a farm with Ducks & Chickens etc!)
However it just so happens to be every child minder that I've ever met (A fair few in my time) who seemed to treat the kids like a burden. Almost always in groups of friends, smoking with pushchair with 3 kids squeezed in, ignoring the constantly unhappy looking children and dragging them here, there & everywhere.

There's one at DD's school and she'll happily admit the toddlers have been in the double buggy all day long and laughs about 'soggy nappies'

Heartbreaking. She's put me off for life

@CervixHaver

I honestly think your child would be better off in a Nursery. My DD loved it at hers, she could run in & out to the woodland play area whenever she liked and they had a big soft play frame complete with snake slide, on the inside! Besides, if you saw the way Child minders treat their charges when out & about, you wouldn't want him going back regardless!

Yeah cheers mate. Good to know that I treat ny minded children like shit all the time. Reality is they get more attention than my own children and a spend a fortune (yes of my own money) taking them to activities, buying new equipment, buying them lunches out and treats. I'm really bad to them though 🙄

OP it is so upsetting when you have a child that cries on drop off...My DS was like this for years (he's 20 now and completely fine...doesn't remember any trauma or separation anxiety!)

Some environments are better than others, this childminder sounds like she didn't have what it takes to settle him / distract him. I don't think she has the magic touch your DS needs!

My DS would not settle well for years with lovely kind, motherly 'wishy washy' caregivers who were motherly and soft (which is exactly what I thought he needed!!) But when his year 1 teacher entered his life....a larger than life personality, she was loud and flamboyant, crazy & creative...he just 'gelled' with her, and his morning nerves and tears were never seen again! She was a huge entertaining distraction!

Perhaps a busy nursery environment is just what he needs, possibly the homely environment of a childminder is too
Close to home for him.

I know you're disappointed, but this might be the best thing for your DS.

OP, I wouldn't worry too much about the higher child-staff ratio in a nursery. It may not be such an issue for two reasons. The first is that quite often having more children their own age around distracts young children and they play very happily with their peers. This is the case for my DS. He is often very needy of my attention at home when it is just the two of us and he was sometimes the same at the childminder, whereas nursery say he is very easy-going and just gets on with things a lot of the time. The second is that the nursery staff will focus on the children who need the most attention (and it will be different children at different times). Because there will be a number of staff, if the nursery is any good there should usually be someone free to cuddle and comfort him if he is upset and gently involve him in activities. He may end up getting more support than at a childminder where there is one individual who is having to care for younger children as well.

If it eases your mind, we have found a bloody fantastic nursery where my toddler is delighted to go every day. I feel so confident dropping him off each day and I know I won't be let down by illness/them deciding he is too difficult! I hope you find a suitable alternative, this would make me sad and stress me out but he might be happier at the next place.

@CervixHaver unfortunately I have the same opinion as I've seen/ heard of too many not so good ones although there are probably more that are outstanding.

At soft play (couple of years ago) a couple of cm's had some crawling babies in a large baby area- fair enough the cm's couldn't be everywhere (they had about 3 each I think) but were so busy gossiping, their babies were getting knocked over by the older kids playing chase (too old for that area but that's another story) one baby had palled up with another m&b and was being given skips (the mum shouted and asked if the baby could have one- cm then laughed and said yes he'll eat anything you're sharing carry on it's ok, and another baby was being carried up and down by a 3 year old who's parent had left them to it.

I said to my friend I wonder what the parents would say... this is a reason I was put off having mine with a cm.

"However it just so happens to be every child minder that I've ever met (A fair few in my time) who seemed to treat the kids like a burden. Almost always in groups of friends, smoking with pushchair with 3 kids squeezed in, ignoring the constantly unhappy looking children and dragging them here, there & everywhere. "

Did you report this illegal practice to OFSTED?

The thing about nurseries is their ratios are a lot smaller than childminders have to be so even if he gets less trips into town to see the world, he will get a lot more attention in a nursery than he would out and about with a childminder. I've seen a childminder out in a park with children of all ages and watched an unsupervised 18 month fall head first down the stairs of the slide and had to alert the childminder who was ten metres away with older children at a bigger slide and hadn't even noticed because she was with the older children and using their preoccupation with the slide to watch her phone. The amount of activities and playing they do at nursery is loads to stimulate them and worth a lot more (imo) than a walk to the park in a big group. My little one of also 23 months has learned to count and does all the actions to loads of nursery rhymes and talks constantly since she started at nursery. I know people like the idea of a home setting of a childminder's but it's never really 'home'. It's somebody else's home with their beliefs on child raising, whereas a nursery is a community setting which belongs to all the staff and children who work there and all the rules are created out of evidence based child development.

"The thing about nurseries is their ratios are a lot smaller than childminders have to be so even if he gets less trips into town to see the world, he will get a lot more attention in a nursery than he would out and about with a childminder."

That's not true. A nursery can have a ratio as high as 1:13.

We were very happy with our childminder. But children change and their needs change. For our DS, he preferred being with children his own age to hanging out with a couple of babies.

Having read the thread my bet is that someone's asked for a full time spot and she's turfed you out to use it.
I agree. Nursery has a smaller ratio but they team up and follow the leader plus daily fresh art with messy play.

It’s not 5 days though, is it? It’s 2 weeks. 5 consecutive days might have been something that would blow over, or that he was feeling under the weather - that is clearly not the case when it’s been over a two week period.

You also said he cried a lot on drop off in your original post. Then changed it to ‘a bit’ in later posts. Which is it?

Tbh, I can see why the childminder might not want him there if it’s affecting the care they can give to other kids. YABU - the child minder needs to balance the rest of the kids needs and has appropriately terminated the working relationship. They aren’t unreasonable at all.

If he’s crying a larger setting where more staff are available to give him 1-2-1 help might help. Nurseries are also much more likely to keep trying if he eats and drinks there and they feel they can keep him safe.

Has he still been the same at home with you for the last 2 weeks, is he still sleeping and napping the same. Is he still eating the same. Is he still having the same number of wet and dirty nappies? Has he has a growth spurt, do you have a new dog or has anything else changed in his life?

Run down the possibilities
Is he sick?
Is he tired?
Is he needing more food as he is growing?
Is he having a developmental leap
Has some change at home unsettled him

Has anything changed at the childminders...is there a new child, a new helper, did they change they toys, the routine, the place where they nap?

There is usually a reason children suddenly become unsettled, that is the problem you need to solve.

I hope he's happy in his new placement.

Constant crying can also be adhd