To feel like childminder gave up too quickly?

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My little boy (23 months) has been with his childminder for 10 months, he settled in great and has always been happy there. He does usually cry a lot on drop off but settles really quickly. In the past two weeks he's been unsettled and upset all day there, we aren't sure why, he goes 2.5 days a week and has since the start. She's text me tonight and said the last 2 weeks she's had no time to help the other kids, the whole day has had to revolve around him crying and it's not fair on the others and that we need to look for another setting for him. I'm a bit shocked she's given up on him so quickly. He was fine there for months and it seems like something we could of tried to work through rather than just giving him the boot

Sorry you’ve had such a crap experience OP just to add my experience, my very clingy, highly strung DS has thrived at nursery. I was so convinced that it would be disastrous that I cried on the phone to the keyworker before he started. That bad.

However, I think being around lots of other children has been good for him. If he needs one to one attention there are lots of staff so it doesn’t fall to one person. They get out and about loads (I’m lucky that our nursery is on the edge of woodland). There’s so much distraction for him and I really think that helps.

Yabu op she has other children to deal with.

That kind of crying is usually one of these

• pain (e.g. ear infection)
• overtiredness
• hunger

Could it be any of those?

My children both go to nursery. It's set right next to a beach with a large garden. They go to the beach multiple times a week, different parks, the harbour, and outwith covid times the library, local shops (they've even had a demo at the local ice cream place), sports centre, lots and lots. It does depend on the nursery and currently there are restrictions but my kids get a huge amount of outdoor time and have both thrived on nursery. So much so that when my eldest starts school in August it's going to be such an emotional wrench for us to leave the nursery.

If I was another parent at the nursery and my child wasn't getting the time they needed, due to another crying all day, I'd be very annoyed. The other parents are paying for a service they aren't getting. It's a hard position for her to be in, but clearly it's no longer the right setting for him.

I have one who tends to be a bit unsettled at drop off. We have the ‘I don’t want to go to nursery’ strop most mornings before nursery. But he loves it once he’s there. I wouldn’t say he hasn’t settled in just because of that. I can see from the photos and when I go to collect him that he has a great time. I don’t know why everyone is saying that a child clearly hasn’t settled just because they have a few tears at drop off.

@SnackSizeRaisin I agree I think the initial settling issue is separate from the issue of crying all day for the last 2 weeks.
There's a little boy in my daughters class Yr2 who cries every morning at school drop off as if it's a routine, it's heartbreaking to see but you also see that once through the gates he's composing himself and goes on to have a good day.
I have taken on a new mindee recently a child born in lockdown has never been with anyone other than parents and it's been hard getting him to settle but we are getting there but another of my mindees instantly becomes upset if he's upset which makes it so much harder but the last couple of weeks we're coming through the other side. Difference is neither is crying all day if either were I would be giving notice not just for the children's benefit but my own sanity too.

If he still cries when dropped off he's not happy. In fact I'd be concerned WHY he's still crying at drop off 10 months later and is now crying all day.

How old are the other children/ is there anyone new around lately- adult or child?

If he's not built a bond by now he's better moving on.

On the flip side if you were told she wasn't able to give your son much attention last week as she was too busy with another upset child you wouldn't be impressed I'm sure.

Is there family/ father who can have him 121? If not I'd choose a nursery as there will be staff able to comfort him and if he doesn't take to one there will be another.

I agree about unsettled at drop off is not necessarily a red flag. My little boy is often wobbly at drop off and tells me he doesn’t want to go to nursery but does like it when he is there and talks about it lots. It’s just the separation he is not keen on. Two weeks of crying cold be down to lots of things, a little bit unwell, any new children changing dynamics. I do understand it is difficult for the childminder though. Suggesting autism with the information given by the OP is frankly ridiculous.

This is difficult. I know 4 CMs near me, they've all had "difficult" kids but it's usually months before they've decided it's time to give notice.

I'd be slightly inclined to think that actually the CM has found him a bit more difficult (for one reason or another) for longer than she's let on, and the last couple of weeks have been the nail in the coffin. If he's always cried a lot on drop off it doesnt sound like he loved it. My CM has another child who's mum is probably happy and thinks her child enjoys it there, but the reality is he's so difficult and demanding that the CM is looking for any reason at all to give notice - I doubt the mum is aware.

The other possibility is that she has someone else lined up who wants a space and would prefer to take that child for whatever reason.

Either way it sounds like it's not the right place for him any more - can you look for another CM?

Sounds like she's at the end of what she can cope with really. I'm sure she feels bad. Hope you manage to find out what is wrong and that he settles elsewhere quickly. Maybe just a phase he's going through?

I don’t know why nurseries get a hard time either. All the local childminders near me just seem to take loads of children to the park then just sit and watch them.

Look for a forest school, ours had a couple of acres of land and are out all day. The children are always having an absolute ball in the garden and come home covered in mud and paint everyday.

How can anyone think it’s autism that’s ridiculous.
I would try someone else she doesn’t sound a great childminder .
I think she could try a few things and has given up quickly.

How horrible for your ds to be crying all day, can you think of anything that might have triggered it? Is he fine when he's home with you? Has he been under the weather or got teeth coming through or anything? It's a shame she is ending his place :-( x

OP, you have a weird reaction, if it was my son I would proactively take him away from any setting where he is upset for a long period of time.

My kids went to a nursery that had a sensory garden, and a vegetable patch where they all worked hard to destroy grow plants. They had a large rooms full of books and toys, and a tent full of cushions for when they wanted a bit of chill time. They were read to, played games, sang, dressed up and had lots of access to outside space full of loads of activities. They had a chef who made them food they loved. They’d come home every day filthy and full of stories. They went to the duck pond and the play park across the road every week or two on an outing. Some of their best friends are kids they met there 10-12 years ago. Try a nursery - it’s not for all children, but mine still talk of it fondly.

Hi OP. I don't think the childminder is being entirely honest with you. My guess is that he has been quite demanding of her attention for some time, and that she picked a particularly bad phase of it to raise it with you. I don't think she'd have given up at the drop of a hat, like you're suggesting. Always two sides to these things, I suppose, and it doesn't sound like it was working out. That said, I feel so bad for you and your wee boy. It's a rubbish situation all round
Hope you find the perfect setting for him soon.

The other possibility is that she has someone else lined up who wants a space and would prefer to take that child for whatever reason

you said he goes 2.5 days a week - maybe she's had someone enquire about a full time slot

but I agree with the others, it may be that he has never really settled that well and she can't cope anymore. Nobody's fault and he may be better at nursery for all the reasons people have given. Or a different childminder with different kids.

Why is he crying all day? I would be annoyed if my child was there and had no attention due to a child crying all day, that is extreme.
A nursery sounds a better option as more staff?

If he usually cries at the drop off you’ve been doing for the last ten months then she has given it plenty of time for it to improve. It hasn’t improved, it’s become worse in the last couple of weeks. You disagree, but that’s how she sees it and she’s the one doing it.

I agree it could be that someone wants a full time slot and they've been tempted, but I would look for another childminder. DS wouldn't settle in with the first childminder we used, but as all the nurseries were full we had to use another childminder, and it was the best decision. He loved it from his first session, and has been really happy there. I am debating moving him to nursery to prep more for school, but the only one here just has a car park that they close off during the day as outdoor space, no comparison to all of the things he does with the CM.

I disagree that crying every morning at drop-off is odd or abnormal. My ds did at a similar age (at nursery) and I'd hide around the corner and as soon as I was out of sight he stopped crying.

I am also not so sure that toddlers go home and tell their parents that they've not had enough attention because so and so was crying all day.

To be honest as well they could give notice at anytime, just as you could to them. It's good they were honest.

I had this at my childminder, my daughter went from being relatively settled to really unsettled, she found one other child very upsetting for some reason (not the other child’s fault!) My childminder happened to decide to move away and stop childminding not long after this started so it went on about 5 weeks. We had to move to another childminder and honestly it was a blessing in disguise. She still cried on drop off for about 3 months but apparently settled quickly and now marches in without a backwards glance, and sometimes cries about leaving instead 😂

I’d look elsewhere to be honest. Not necessarily a nursery if you’d prefer a CM, but even if she changes her mind and he does settle again you will probably slightly resent the CM giving up on you, and wonder if she might do it again.

If he only started crying the past two weeks has something changed with the child minder or at home?