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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel like childminder gave up too quickly?

240 replies

Flickie · 18/04/2021 19:04

My little boy (23 months) has been with his childminder for 10 months, he settled in great and has always been happy there. He does usually cry a lot on drop off but settles really quickly. In the past two weeks he's been unsettled and upset all day there, we aren't sure why, he goes 2.5 days a week and has since the start. She's text me tonight and said the last 2 weeks she's had no time to help the other kids, the whole day has had to revolve around him crying and it's not fair on the others and that we need to look for another setting for him. I'm a bit shocked she's given up on him so quickly. He was fine there for months and it seems like something we could of tried to work through rather than just giving him the boot Sad

OP posts:
3totheright4totheleft · 18/04/2021 19:37

It must be awful for you knowing that he's upset all day. I would rule out anything medical as someone suggested but then crack on with finding another place. I feel your pain. By the time DD got to the end of year 6 I had been through 9 different childcare/wraparound settings.

ineedaholidaynow · 18/04/2021 19:37

It might only be 5 days but it is over 2 weeks. It can't be nice for him crying all day, he obviously isn't happy there for some reason. Most children calm down quite quickly if unsettled at the start of the day.

Candycane57 · 18/04/2021 19:40

Look up montessori nurseries. I promise kids aren't cooped up in one room in their nursery, they're looked after as well, if not better than with a childminder and have lots of friends to play with.

Devlesko · 18/04/2021 19:40

Aw, keep him home for a while and try him later, not all kids like being away from their parents, and some aren't ready until a bit older.

UCOforAC12 · 18/04/2021 19:41

I have been in a similar situation and whilst I was panicking at the time finding new childcare it was the best thing that happened to me/my DD. She was so much happier with the second childminder. Didn't cry at drop off even once. So from crying every day for 6 months to nothing showed me there was another setting she was better suited to (and CM1 was Outstanding, highly recommended, very experienced but none of that mattered to DD)

Merryoldgoat · 18/04/2021 19:42

It doesn’t sound like he’s happy if he’s crying at drop off...

My boys both have ASD and I used the same childminder for both.

They settled within 2 weeks (as in no crying at drop off) and the younger starts clapping when we arrive.

Crying all day would break me in two especially if I had another child to look after.

I’d look for a CM who has fewer children if possible?

UhtredRagnarson · 18/04/2021 19:43

@Devlesko

Aw, keep him home for a while and try him later, not all kids like being away from their parents, and some aren't ready until a bit older.
OP works. She can’t keep him home.
1Morewineplease · 18/04/2021 19:45

If a childminder is struggling to care for his/her charges due to a child who cries all day, and they give you notice, then you need to find alternative childcare.
It's not your childminder's fault.

nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut · 18/04/2021 19:45

You've contradicted yourself a bit there, first you said it was over the last 2 weeks, then you said 5 days? 5 days is a bit quick but tbh it sounds like he's been pretty hard work from the start if he still cries every day after 10 months. If its 2 weeks I think she has a point. She can't be always attending to one child, there are others needing her attention too.

Original poster
Flickie · 18/04/2021 19:47

@nothingcanhurtmewithmyeyesshut

You've contradicted yourself a bit there, first you said it was over the last 2 weeks, then you said 5 days? 5 days is a bit quick but tbh it sounds like he's been pretty hard work from the start if he still cries every day after 10 months. If its 2 weeks I think she has a point. She can't be always attending to one child, there are others needing her attention too.
He goes 2.5 days a week. He's been unsettled the past 2 weeks. 2 weeks at 2.5 days = 5 days
OP posts:
SmokedDuck · 18/04/2021 19:48

I am a childminder myself. I think it's odd. Clearly something has changed. He might be feeling unwell, who knows.

I can understand it's a problem for her but I would expect her to try and find a solution with you. I would not be likely to give a good report of her after this.

NerrSnerr · 18/04/2021 19:50

@Devlesko how it the OP supposed to work if he isn't in childcare?

NotQuiteUsual · 18/04/2021 19:56

Sometimes a setting just isn't right for your child. It isn't anything against either, but not in eithers best interests to carry on. He's clearly not happy there for whatever reason. She's clearly not the right carer for him. It's annoying, but long term you will all be a lot happier.

My son cried in a way I'd never seen before with a childminder. She'd had plenty of good reviews, but years later he still has nightmares about her. My only regret is not pulling him out sooner. Once you sort his childcare you'll probably feel the same.

Ceebs85 · 18/04/2021 19:56

@Flickie

Surely a nursery will be harder for him? He loves being outdoors and goes on so many trips with his childminder, I think he'll be way worse cooped up in a nursery and only venturing as far as their garden Sad
You've not seen any good nurseries if this is your view
Devlesko · 18/04/2021 19:57

[quote NerrSnerr]@Devlesko how it the OP supposed to work if he isn't in childcare? [/quote]
work alternative hours to partner if their is one.
Find a job wfh.
nanny share.
Au pair.

Viviennemary · 18/04/2021 19:59

I don't think you can blame her. If your child is crying nearly all day there is a problem. She isn't giving up on him too quickly. Take a week off work and see how he is at home. Maybe take him to the cm for one day that week. Then try again if your minder agrees.

Jangle33 · 18/04/2021 19:59

The nursery my kids attended were always going on trips and walks!

OP if you have to work and can’t afford a nanny then I think you’ll have to opt for a nursery. I can’t be the only one who would t choose a childminder for the very reasons OP has just discovered.,,

Gemma2019 · 18/04/2021 20:00

He can't be enjoying it as much as you think if he is still crying at drop off after 10 months, and crying all the time for the last six times she had him is enough for anyone. You have all given it a good go, but there will be a better setting for him out there than your current childminder.

Dreambigger · 18/04/2021 20:00

I wouldn't be impressed at all with the child minder here I realise she has other pressures etc but this is not professional at all!!! I would like her to persist and get to them bottom of the problem (is she not at least curious..it is surely something in her setting that is bothering him) and it may be as simple as he doesn't enjoy her company, she's just not that nice or patient and you don't want him to be miserable there...so as others have said this may be a blessing in disguise. We had a similar odd childminder who suddenly emigrated Hmm leaving us with no notice at all but actually once we moved to a nursery it was the best thing we did for him..looking back she wasn't a professional and cut corners which we didn't realise at the time. I would suggest cutting your losses , strongly express your disappointment and look for another setting (a total stress I know )

2anddone · 18/04/2021 20:04

I am a childminder and sometimes children can suddenly become unsettled for no obvious reason. I will admit I have given notice to a family in the past as their child cried constantly (after a month of trying to settle them). The after school children used to come home from school and complain if the child was there as we couldn't play games as easily with him on my hip crying, the younger children used to cry and be more clingy if he was crying. At the end of the day my business was suffering (had one family give notice as their older child was fed up of the crying...their words) so I had to give notice to the crying child (who only did 2 days a week) so that I didn't risk losing the children who were here for more hours.
Maybe a nursery would be a better fit for your child where there are more distractions, more staff/people for one-one and they can still go outside?

Dunkindonuts8 · 18/04/2021 20:04

If he is still crying every drop off after 10 months then he hasn't been happy there OP, sorry. Once you've gone he has learned to tolerate it but it seems like the last 2 weeks he hasn't been able to do that. Listen to what your child is telling you and find a better fit for them. Sorry its rubbish for you OP. I'd also definitely not be leaving him there now even if the childminder changed her mind because she has shown her feelings towards your child. She doesnt want to look after them.

Monsterjam · 18/04/2021 20:04

I’m not sure that still crying at drop off after they have been going so long is normal is a sign that they “have settled in great” none of mine did this and not do any other kids in the setting I have been dropping kids off at for many years. Sounds a bit like the last two weeks May have been the straw that broke the camels back

lockdownalli · 18/04/2021 20:08

Sorry OP but I think YABU. To be crying at every drop off after 10 months is unusual and clearly the CM doesn't want to continue which is her prerogative.

I hope you find a good alternative soon.

Jumpers268 · 18/04/2021 20:09

Oh I really feel for you OP but it is the childminder's choice. I'm guessing he must be very unsettled if she's willing to lose the money from looking after him? Also, you really need to look at more nurseries. My son went to a Forest School Nursery as he HATES (he's 6 now) being indoors. And honestly he was out in all weather. Sometimes I was a bit Hmm when I'd go and pick him up and he'd been out all day in pouring rain but he absolutely loved it.

Incywincyspinsters · 18/04/2021 20:09

@saxamaphone

Your poor child Sad She doesn't sound like the sort of childminder I would want if she's phased by an unsettled child!
She isn’t phased, she’s just said he’s demanding all her time to the detriment of the others. If your child was one of the others, would you feel differently?
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